I'm the good person. They are the bad.

[Spartan999]

Mine was an empowered and highly enabled borderline.   They are promiscuous.  The old is the old.   They don't look back except for 5 minutes of validation if we are sitting on the curb to give it.   They go immediately from person to person.    I had hope.    I still do.    But rationally.  It was gone a long time ago.   Yes.  This person and their circles will always be right on my doorstep in my town and social circles.   I'm the good person.  They are the bad.     I empathize with you all,     I do.    One day at a time.   I know how you can go months and be brought back to ground zero with the most simple text and voice conversation.  Hard as it is to accept.   Some never look back.   Trust me.  I could have wrote most of the articles on the web.    I read the forums to balance my disturbed ruminations.   But then. I slap myself in the face thinking that I'm freezing her life in my own paralysis and analysis.   She's having sex.  Laughing.  Loving.  Cuddling.  I'm not.   But her pattern will repeat.   We have to stay on the high road.  The lonely road.  And believe in ourselves.    Hang in there.  Find clarity.   And.  It was NOT you.    Let them go.   They did you     And if like mine.   They aren't coming back.   I just had to watch painfully from the sidelines.  Rebounds don't work for us like them.  Value that part of your character.   You and I feel weak.  But we are not.   We are not.  Patience

[Spartan999]

Trust me.   Contact months later IS not about you.    You will. Regret it.    Sadly.  At this point.  I'd fall for the crumb again.   I will update this board the day I decisively recover.    But believe the advice.   You contact them.  You are definetly going to hurt.   They contact you.  You are definetly going to hurt.   I'm not talking about the halfway points in the life cycle.  The point in time where it's done,  NO loyalty exists like in our minds.    None    The weaker loner border lines have to be repelled back.  The empowered ones do this without blinking an eye.   You are NOT alone.   But.  Read this.  And remember.  We might be frozen in pain.   They aren't.    Every one of you is here because you epitomize caring and giving and empathy.  We fell addicted to the opposite.    That's a hard one to swallow.   If this site was match dot com.  The matches would make each other crazy with kindness.   We need the craziness.   Paradox ain't it

[Surnia]

Hi Spartan999 and



So sorry to hear about your breakup. This and all these recycle attempts are so difficult! And yes, it is hard to accept how easy we can fall back.

You are not alone here. Many members are going through similar things. We can support each other. We can learn to stand your ground.

Do you have things like hobbies or friends that can help you to recover?

[MatOfTheDoor]

Thank you for sharing your insight Spartan999.  I can totally relate to the being on the sidelines and feeling like garbage. Nothing we do or say seems to make an impact. I've finally accepted my marriage is over and has been for years. Its like talking to a brick wall for me. Do I really want to endure this pain for the rest of my life? No, so I am filing for divorce on Monday. The best advice I've read so far is "don't listen to the words because their actions are the truth". When I think about all the bad behavior over the last 8 years nothing points to a healthy relationship. Now I must be selfish and work on myself to grow & recover. I too became addicted to the drama because my borderline wife was/is always on the go. She can't be alone and must have a million activities going on at the same time to feel good about herself. I don't think it is ever about us but what we can do for them, we were hand picked for a reason by the borderline. Often times because we have our own issues like low self-esteem, rescuers, past trauma etc. Basically vulnerable. For me borderline has come to mean manipulation. My wife tells me that I am the love of her life but her actions show me that I mean very little to her. At this moment she is in another state with her new soul mate, poor guy.