A Month Later, A Long Car Ride Home Together

[Peabody]

Hi all,

To keep things simple and to summarize all my previous posts, I established no contact with my exwBPD after she decided to make out with another dude in front of me when I took her out one night. Since then, I have received numerous texts from her and it seems like she has been trying to make more appearances in my life. For my birthday, I planned with my buddies (her friends too I suppose) to come down and celebrate. Coincidentally, my ex planned and bought a train ticket down the same exact day. I got there and arrived and my exwBPD was sitting on the couch. We exchanged unpleasant looks at each other and I sat down. The first night was uncomfortable and luckily we had our friends in between us to keep the tension down. The second day I played a show downtown so everybody agreed to go, and my ex jumped in my car with my buddies and we all headed down. I avoided her as much as possible this week and we didn't say much to each other. The final morning came in which I had to leave and my buddies guilt tripped me into taking her to the train station. Upon leaving, she took advantage of me and talked me into taking her back with me on the car ride so off we went. The first hour was truly unbearable as she was speaking so highly of herself and how she is so "happy." It was AMAZING to hear her in a new perception and not be in love with her.

I started saying things I have always wanted to say and called her out for anything she said that sounded ridiculous. I would literally tell her to her face that what she said was stupid, and I know it was surprising her. I then realized that nothing I said would ever change her view points on things, and after a hour or two of discussing things we decided to just listen to music for the remainder of the ride. It was like old times, we would joke about something here and there but I knew in my head what she had done and knew that things would have to stay as they are. She told me that ever since she met me I have done nothing but bring negativity towards her, which isn't true at all so I chose not to reply. It was a wonder she was saying these type of things yet I was giving her a free ride home. We finally got back to her place and she gave me a hug and said "I love you", I held it back as much as I could and just stared straight with a neutral face and didnt react to it. She hopped out and asked if I was going to unblock her on facebook, I told her that it would be healthy for the both of us if I left her blocked and she agreed. We exchanged eye contact one last time and she headed into her house and I drove off. It's amazing that I can love someone without them being in my life, and be strong to not break like that with her in my presence. I looked at her in a whole new way the past few days, I was able to see her without any attachment (or suffering that is). This experience has truly made me even stronger. I know we can have each other in our lives again one day, I just feel that the no contact should linger until she decides to heal for herself.

[Octoberfest]

Proud of you man

[Surnia]

Hi Peabody

Wow, great! You can be proud of yourself! 

What do you think helped you to reach this point of detachement?