BPD was lacking empathy, not symphaty, right?
It is not necessarily a lack of empathy but limited empathy. It is also situational. When someone or anyone really is in a compromised emotional state they tend to be focused on them selves and the ability to epathaze with others will be compromised. Also a pwBPD is emotionally stunted so the complexity of emotions and diversity of emotions will be limited.
Beyond this is the way pwBPD projects their shame and dissasociates from it which is why many of us experienced a certain kind of sadistic ruthlessness or just being all of a sudden dropped. This ties back into their emotionally compromised state though.
I agree with what you're saying here. Just wanted to add to it. I think your observation of acknowledging their limited ability to feel empathy is dead on. But you also mention how they are focused on themselves and it's situational.
I just wanted to give an example for everyone to kind of link it all together because my ex did this frequently. She has a son from her marriage. When we would be out in a social setting, like a bowling alley and the people next to us have a son, perhaps the same age or near the same age as her son, she would get to talking with the parents of that person. I would witness these conversations. Often times the bond of parenthood would have the other people opening up to whatever is going on in their lives, etc. She would show empathy in these situations, and talk about them often times long after we would leave. Everything though was in terms of her own son, less about the actual child involved. Every conversation would ultimately go back to her, and her child, and whatever was going on in her life. She would essentially "relate" to these people, but it was more of in an egocentric way that would ultimately result in the focus shifting back to her.
These were the only times she was able to do this. Ten minutes later, she would be mad about me not being able to get off work because of some spontaneous idea she had, despite the fact I told her I needed a heads up countless times and how it reflected poorly on me if I had to demand off on such short notice. She did not have that problem at her job, so she could not relate. So the empathy is situational, and egocentric because in order for it to occur it must be an exact situational circumstance that reflects her own life and ultimately the conversation will steer away from the person hurting, and focus back on her.
I think the video, the entire purpose was to connect with someone by being there for them, whether you understand what they are going through or not, as characterized by saying "I don't know what to say, I'm sorry you're going through this and I'm glad you told me" She was unable to do this, spontaneously. The empathy was reserved for specified events that mirrored her own life, and almost in a way to open up the floor for her to talk about herself, less about soothing or being there for someone in need.
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