I'm committed to her and making our relationship work but she's not

[jlovechronicles]

My undiagnosed borderline personality disorder traits girlfriend and I live together. Our lease is not up until next August. We have been together for over 3 years but things are not going well. She is upset about something at least once a week and starts a fight about it or gives me the silent treatment. I really want to help her through this, but she seems like she doesn't want to change. She always blames me for the problems in our relationship and I know that I can sometimes stress her out but relationship responsibility is 50/50 and she never takes responsibility for anything.

The problem is that we live together. My name is on the lease, but I need her to pay her part of the rent and I really want it to work out but I feel like she doesn't want that anymore. She told me to my face yesterday that she hates me. This was because earlier in the day I went out shopping, she wanted to come with me but after 10 minutes she wanted to leave. She was mad that she waited for me and tried to just take my car and make me walk home. I started walking, she picked me up then told me she hated me, couldn't even stand to be around me. After that she went out on her own and only came home to sleep and then left again today.

She won't answer my texts or phone calls. How do other people deal with fighting when you live with someone with BPD. I care about her so much and am willing to try anything  to make sure she is happy and less miserable but she drinks almost every night and says its completely my fault for all the problems. I never pick fights because I just want to enjoy the moment when it's good.

I'm going to try and find a relationship counselor to see if they can offer some ideas. But  the biggest problem is living together and her not talking to me. So I guess I can just give her her space. Her sister thinks I should kick her out so that she hits the bottom and realizes that she needs medication, therapy or help. I know I am not innocent in all this but at least I can realize that and I am willing to get my own help too so that I can try not to trigger her as much.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[allibaba]

Hey there and welcome to bpdfamily!

Have you checked out THE LESSONS ----> on the right.  I found them invaluable in navigating through the pitfalls of a BPD relationship.  My husband is uBPD.  He used to go a couple of days a week and not speak to me.

Particularly check out a video at the top of LESSON 3: called "Before you can make things better - you must stop making them worse!"

We're really glad that you are here