she moves today

[johnnyonthespot]

She called me last night to tell me she was officially moving away today. She is going 6 hours away with the last guy I shared her with... .

It has been a year since I first went NC.

Three times, in October, in March, and in June, we reconnected. The last time she was engaged, but I didn't know it. Once I found out, I didn't continue contact.

I have such mixed emotions today. On the one hand, I am almost relieved that she is moving and that I won't have to worry about her on any level (running into her, taking with mutual friends, etc.) On the other hand, I am really sad... . and a bit angry.

I am sad because she believes that she's all better (because she's going to counseling) and her emotions do appear to be under better control. But she has still never been alone, she is still lying and cheating per usual, and she is still triangulating (read definition). I feel really sad for the guy whose marrying her; he is head over heels and doesn't speak very well of him, already now.

I am also sad about losing her... . finally and forever. I really am. It hurts a lot.

I am angry because it seems that they get a free pass. She is gonna hurt this guy. If he knew the truth about her, specifically that she's already cheated on him, then he would already be devastated. She was trying to be intimate with me in June; we slept together in March/ April. A part of me wants to call him and tell him, but i would never do that (although I've told my therapist that I honestly wish someone had warned me).

They make you feel so expendable, so worthless, so small... . and they seem to just chive on.

Paper doll, someone's gonna paint you another sky!

Interesting footnote... I was on Facebook this AM (never go on there) with the aim of checking out her page. Just curious I guess.

I'm blocked... . what's that about? Haven't done a thing to that girl... .

[NiceGuy83]

Johnny,

She called to trigger you.  Seems like it's working, too.  She can never be the stable, loving partner you'd like.  Cheating seems to be common-place in pwBPD.  You said you wished someone had warned you.  Well, you know the facts now, so you are now warned. 

As for the new guy, he wouldn't believe you.  He won't want to, and you know how convincing she can be.  Odds are she has already told him that you are horrible, jealous, violent, or any other number of lies. 

Facebook?  She hoped one day you'd look, and see you were blocked.  It's a control mechanism, a power-thing, and a way to hurt you. 

You've been trying to move on for a year.  How do you think it's going?  What steps are you taking in moving forwards?

[johnnyonthespot]

NiceGuy,

Thanks for your reponse.

I have been trying to move on, and to be honest it has been slow going. I am very productive professionally; indeed I'm taking on more and more responsibility.  And I'm engaged with physical fitness and friends/ family. But I'm 'stuck' in my personal romantic life. I go to therapy, and he tells me not to rush... . that one year isn't necessarily enough time. I'm frustrated that she still holds so much influence over my emotions.

I won't call new guy, promise. I just feel sorry for him. And I'm fully aware that she's painted me black; that doesn't bother me any longer because most people are on to her by now. Maybe, for her, that is part of the appeal of moving.

I still cycle. I have really good days now, but I still can have a bad one now and again. Like today. Interestingly,  when I dream of her now they are mostly dreams of her verbally abusing me... . I awake panicked and relieved. Again, my therapist says that's progress... .

I accept that she is gone, and I believe that we are toxic. But I miss her still. I'm sad. Self-pity day.

[dangoldfool]

I feel your pain man. As for telling the new guy about the cheating, don't do it. Number one, he won't believe you. Number 2, this guy just like you. Has to go through this emotional growth to grow. He going to crash and burn down the road just like you and I have in my relationship. Just let it go, let GOD. ( if you believe it him) handle it all. I know it suck big time. But getting counseling, is the best thing for you. You, like me and everyone on here, has been screwed over in our relationship. But just like you, we played some part in it, and we need to figure out, how not to fall victim to it the next time. Best advice I can give you is, stop looking back at what once was. Keep busy, work out, write, post on here, whatever works, do it. Keep off face book, no texting, phone calling, etc. DON'T LOOK BACK. Peace to you, May God so richly bless you.   

[Jep]

We have a lot in common. I am just one month out of a nine year r/s with uBPD gf. She met someone else 3 weeks before she moved out and has been with him for almost two months. I can not go nc because we have a six year old son together. He lives with me.

Anyway I try to keep conversations pertaining to our son, but have slipped a few times. The last time was a couple days ago when she came over to do laundry after dropping our son off. Her new boyfriend texted her asking where she was. I was shocked when she told him the truth!  He was angry about her spending time with me, although it was innocent. I will have nothing to do with her, but she did hint at it. In other words she is already willing to cheat on him. She also talked bad about him. I really didn't think she would devalue him this quickly.

I am also blocked on fb. I have never tried to contact her there and am not the stalking type at all so it seemed kind of pointless. Niceguy83 hit it here. Just a way to throw another dagger in.

I know it's tough to see them "happy" while we pick up the pieces. She was partying and seemed to be having the time of her life and I felt like I was barely breathing for a while. After reading so many incredibly insightful posts on BPD family I have learned that we are so lucky. We can pick up the pieces and heal. Our exes can only pretend to be happy, but they are not and will never be. It is just a mask covering up a miserable existence. They will continue to make the same mistakes over and over again and there is nothing we can do to stop it. My ex is a slow motion train wreck in progress.