Fed up

[clover528]

While I am taking steps to protect my family from him and his threats, he is off at carnivals and going to concerts and parties like he is the paragon of innocence. I am still getting hate filled messages and phone calls daily! GRRRRRRR! And I am expected to take the high road here.  I am not

talking about legalities here. this is pure emotion on my part!

I really appreciate the earlier post about anger being a secondary emotion. What I am feeling is offended, attacked, cheated, and down right wronged! I look forward to his day coming. And regardless of the mental illness, he will be held accountable.

I am so sick and tired of this toxic man. God bless those of us having to go through this. I hope in time i can get to a place where i can not personalize this and see it as just his illness. I am not there just yet.

[papawapa]

Go get a harassment restraining order. Once it is in place he will be locked up for contacting you.

[Clearmind]

I know that feeling of wanting to burst their bubble and bring him back down to earth. Then I remind myself that I am also allowing him to rent space in my mind.

Clover, if you are tired of it – find ways to not ruminate about it and get on with your life – Start to live your life! You hold the power to move forward - and its you thats holding you back.

[clover528]

papa,  They cant catch him to get him served. He is  slippery. he is hiding with his gf and her friends. I have no idea how to get that info to the proper authorities. Believe and know I am trying.

Clearmind, i know I need to live. I want to live more than anything. But the fear of him showing up here or heaven forbid while my kids are outside playing terrifies me. And until he is served. Living is within protected barriers. I know you are correct and what you are saying is my goal. I will get there. As for now, I am p*ssed off!

he does have an outstanding warrant and will be put behind bars when they serve him the po. I am sorry for his kids but I cant save them either. Their mother and family will have to step up.

I am venting right now. When I find out these things I am furious. Furious that he has the unmitigated gall to threaten me, hate on me and blame me, while he is with his new gf out partying the night away. I am taking care of my D. Without any help, financially or otherwise, besides her brothers of course, while he spends money on his new gf and partying? really? I wont ask for money because I dont want him near D. But none the less it burns me that he is basically living it up while I suffer.

I wont remain in this mode, and I am aware of the illness. Both his and my own. But in this very human moment and human response. I am very FED UP!

[Clearmind]

I can understand and have read posts about your protection Clover - I can understand you feeling terrified. Try to balance out this fear though rather than letting it rule you.

[clover528]

thank you Clearmind. I am trying so very hard. i am so sad and hurt and angry. I just EWWWWW! i want to scream right now and cant. So instead I post. Thank you for the replies. l value your advice. I really do.

[Clearmind]

Scream! Let it all go Clover - don't hold it in - this will never help you. In a state of being hypervigilant and fearful we do not make the best decisions. Bring it down a little and think with your logical mind rather than the emotional mind. Are you aware of the difference?

[papawapa]

What state do you live in clover?

[clover528]

Clearmind, I have pushed down much. I think I do understand an emotional mind versus a logical mind. But if you would clarify I would appreciate it.

Papa, I mean no disrespect but I would rather not say. I am fairly southern though.

[Suzn]

Clearmind, I have pushed down much.

No, don't push it down, bring it down. There's a difference. Mindfulness will be helpful right now. Sit down, take several deep breaths. Look around the room, you are ok right now, safe. Notice things in the room, center yourself, calm down. When you are able to bring yourself to a calmer place, you can think more clearly. This will help you remove some of the emotion, which is in control of you at the moment, so you can be more logical. Once you are calmer you can rethink your options.

They will most likely find him and arrest him at some point. Right now you are ok. Can you block the messages you are getting somehow? Even if it's just to turn your phone off for a few hours. Block them, they stop, you get a break.

[clover528]

Thank you suzn. i am learning about mindfulness. It is very helpful when I can actually think my way out of the panic. I do breath my way through as well. I dont have any good news about him. He is still free. I do not have a clue where he is. I am safe and I am prepared.

As for the messages, I could pay to have them blocked, however he could find a way around that. If he used a data based plan (i.e. smart phone) The messages cant be blocked like standard text. I am not sure about the data messages. I dont have that kind of service. I do block his calls, but have related on here why I dont change the number. He usually shoots himself in the foot, and cant remain quiet about his plans. I am hoping for some warning if he plans to come here.

Thank you again for the sound advice and suggestions. I do use the tools I am given. I am working on taking care of me.