I was attacked by my mother in law. I think she is uBPD

[Chivasregal]

Hello,

I need done support to try to understand my mother in law.  She is undiagnosed - her family thinks her condition of hostility is getting worse because they think she has dementia. She has no signs of dementia in my opinion.

This woman has openly raged about how she was dumped by her father as a 5 year old and put into an orphanage.  She has told me stories of hiw she was completely neglected while growing up and abandoned.

She is very argumentative and possessive of her role in the family. I threatened her role of caregiver to her grandchildren by staying at her daughters house where the grand children live. We bought a new house and needed a place to stay in the meantime.

From day one she tried to lure me to argue. She is very hostile, sarcastic, and belittling.  She freaked out one day when she found out one afternoon that her husband went out for lunch with me and my husband. We could hear her yelling at him on the phone. Her husband was supposed to take our dog for a walk - not go out with us and she was enraged.

I have so many instances and experiences if hostility.  I could go on and on. She is very rude to my son and her grandchildren that she takes care of before and after school and during the summer are showing signs if emotional dysfunction. They cry all the time and accuse her if purposely trying to hurt them.

I'm so appalled that free child care trumps the emotional impact of this woman on their children.

This woman (my MIL) has told me repeatedly that without her babysitting job her life would have no meaning. So when I stayed there ( my husband works out of town), the kids fell in live with me. She got insanely jealous. She felt threatened. The other day out of nowhere she ran at me with her fist over her head to attack me. I was holding my 8 month old

girl.

The day before, her aunt died. She was looking at photos of her aunt and recounting to me again of her childhood that was so bad because her mom died when she was 5 and her father put her in an orphanage. She said this aunt could have looked after her but she chose not to. Everyone in the family abandoned her.  And she says they purposely went out if their way to be mean to her.

Please help me. This woman scares me to death. Is she perhaps BPD?

[Chivasregal]

Just to let everyone know, I moved out that day and rented a place until our house is ready.  The family is still in denial and will not encourage her to seek counselling. She is 65. When I mentioned counselling to her when she was crying about her past she yelled at me "I'm 65 years old! What is counselling going to do!'"

[Aussie0zborn]

This is an awkward situation. Being attacked with a baby in your arms is not good. I recall  a grandmother who fell with the baby in her arms and the baby suffered brain damage from the fall. If you're inclined to help, counseling is a very good idea but it seems you would need to get her family on board.  What are the chances of convincing them to help here? If not, you need to steer clear of her.

[Chivasregal]

The family will not seek treatment for her. Nor will she get treatment herself.  When she (my MIL), broke down about being put on an orphanage as a child in front of me, I mentioned to her that counselling may be a good idea.  She got offended and shrieked something to the effect "I'm 65 years old!  What good will it do me now?"

I'm taking my husband to a BPD counsellor do we can talk about her and maybe the counsellor can tell him that it could be BPD. The family thinks its dementia -yet she never forgets a thing?  They are in denial.

She is crazy. So jealous of me. Any boundaries I try to put up she takes as major insults. 

The family is in complete denial. Especially the sister who uses her every week for 40 hours if daycare for her 9 year old and 11 year old. The 9 year old constantly fights with the grandma and accuses her of intentionally trying to hurt her at any slight physical altercation (she brushes beside her for example).

She only does this yo her grandma. Nobody else. The grandma will start arguing with her about it.  The 9 year old gets cold showers as punishment sometimes from her dad for "acting" out. The family is so invalidating to her concerns (the 9 year old) that I can see its driving her crazy. 

The family us so dysfunctional it is difficult to watch. I had to get out ASAP. But obviously I didn't get out soon enough as the grandma tried to attack me. 

So the family will never get help. Only I'm bringing my husband to therapy with me about her. He is definitely coming.  He agreed 100% because I told him if he doesn't then his family will never see me or our kids. I'm pregnant with baby number 2 and I have an 8 month old.  I barely knew his family before because we lived thousands of miles away before now.