So where is my friend

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Ok... . this is really ok but I just have to wonder. The words NEVER match the behavior. I never hear from this person that cried and cried and told me she wanted to stay friends after she told me that she went and started a relationship while we were still having a relationship. I would love it if she just called to say hi and see how I am doing. No call. I could call her but I won't. Been no contact for quite a while now. I really appreciate the fact that she isn't bothering me but what's with all the drama about staying friends and then nothing. As if I was never a factor in her life at all! I'm amazed at the theatrics. smh

[Perfidy]

Ok... . this is really ok but I just have to wonder. The words NEVER match the behavior. I never hear from this person that cried and cried and told me she wanted to stay friends after she told me that she went and started a relationship while we were still having a relationship. I would love it if she just called to say hi and see how I am doing. No call. I could call her but I won't. Been no contact for quite a while now. I really appreciate the fact that she isn't bothering me but what's with all the drama about staying friends and then nothing. As if I was never a factor in her life at all! I'm amazed at the theatrics. smh

[Trick1004]

Perf,

My ex played the wanting to still remain friends with me also. To me it is just a way to help them deal with the shame they are feeling about the behavior. I had to really think about the whole staying friends thing. What I realized is it does nothing for me but keep me hooked, while for her it would excuse her behavior.

Think about it from the BPD perspective. I ripped their heart out, treated them badly throughout the r/s, but I still want to remain friends with them. Is there anything there that you want to be friends with? If you go down that path the only thing it does is keep you on the sideline while they go and do whatever they want knowing that your still "friends" and can back when they need you. It does nothing for you.

[Perfidy]

Yes I know. I am just lamenting. She failed miserably in the friend department. Took a major crap on me and then said that. I'm still having horrible anxiety. I keep trying to match the words to the actions. We were together for many years. The anxiety is still horrible at times. Like right now. It's been over for almost five months. I feel better but still have a long way to go. She was so messed up but I really miss the dream. She was never a true friend. She didn't support me or any of my ideas. I have her everything. Didn't judge her for her drug habit. Looked past all of her sickness and saw her as a human being. Loved her. My bad. I should not have to feel so utterly desolated because I loved.

[Trick1004]

Perf,

You have to keep moving forward with your own life without her.

You know the about the BPD.

You know she isn't good for you.

I still want mine back. The highs were so good, but the lows were just horrible.

Towards the end, think about how you were feeling. I was depressed, drained, and felt like crap. Ask yourself if that is really how you want to live your life with your ex or anyone.

I don't want to, and don't want to go back to it.