Three Months After the Break Up

[papawapa]

It has been three months and I am starting to finally feel better. The first month was the worst. I couldn't eat, lost at least twenty pounds. I couldn't sleep. I thought about her every moment I was awake. A lot has happened over this time. Things have started to change for me. Nothing has changed for her.

For the first six weeks she would not speak to me. Her relationship with my replacement has began to fall apart. About a month ago I took a new job and when she learned that I had through the kids she started talking to me. We talked about my job mostly. After the first few days of talking she painted me black again. We argued. I told her off. She called me two days later and I was shocked when she gave me a sincere apology.

We resumed talking again. How responsive she was depended on how she was feeling about the replacement. Some days she would respond to the compliments I would give her. Mostly she was unresponsive. We talked about the future. She said she was willing to do whatever it takes to get our kids back in her life. She would not say that there was no chance of us reconciling, but she had reservations about our future. She said she would be willing to seek couples therapy once she got some of her own.

It all changed this last week. We are in the middle of a custody case and we both had to take psychological evaluations. She went to see the psychologist last Tuesday. She called me the next day and I could tell right away she was in a bad mood. I asked her how it went and she blamed me for everything. She said I had made her out to be a monster and it was my fault that she can't see the kids. She said that she had a lot of resentment and she would never take me back. I kept my cool on the phone. After thinking about things for awhile I left her a message on facebook. I told her off. I sent her a couple texts and she did not respond. It is clear that I am once again painted black.

This last week I have realized that I was dependent on her for my own self worth. My emotions are tied to hers. I am done living that way. I am back to NC. I have had enough of her emotional roller coaster.

I have also met someone new that I am interested in. I first saw her when I had to go to the kid's schools. The kids have made friends in the neighborhood. It turns out she is one of their friend's mother. She is really cool, easy to talk to, and I can tell she is attracted to me. Meeting her has made it easier to forget about and get over the ex. Things are looking up and I am starting to feel better.

For those of you that are new or are still struggling, hang in there it gets better and easier. Don't be afraid to get out and meet someone new.

[eeyore]

glad you feel better. 

[blurry]

Papa, reading your posts brings me back to my 11 week break back in the winter, and your story sounds almost like mine, no sooner was I on date number 3 with a girl who seemed basically perfect, my pwBPD came at me hard and sucked me right back in.

I didn't think things could get any nastier than they had prior to that time, but we've since taken it to a whole other level, plus getting married somewhere in between. And now broken up and in separate states since we got married 7 weeks ago. Im broke, jobless and living with mom now after dropping all my savings getting married and setting up a new apartment for us less than two months ago.

This was actually the first time where she shot herself in the foot from breaking us up cause she's in the same position as she's put me in so many times before. She went down with the ship for once too. Ofc for all I know she could be recycling someone as we speak, to get her out of her situation, who knows.

Just a heads up, stay focused and be mindful always, I reread my older posts sometimes and realize she's done so many hurtful things to me in the past, some of them I've even forgotten, or it reminds me that the behaviors been going on way too long with her for me to keep believing those sets of promises I get every time she wants me back.

[peas]

There is something to be said about meeting someone else after a breakup. Whether it's after a traumatic BPD b/u or non-BPD breakup.

I am two months broken up with exBPD guy and while I have been damn sad, I miss him less each day. I still think about him and the r/s all the time. Still kinda wish he would break NC (we've both been NC six weeks), but I don't have as much urge to know what he's up to. I also find my jealousy is subsiding when I think of him dating someone else. I've avoided every possible way to get any updates about him.

Anyway, since the b/u, a nice guy-friend has come along and said a bunch of really sweet things to me. We're not a couple, we're not dating, we're just friends but he told me he can't believe someone would treat me so rotten and that he thinks I'm fantastic and when I'm ready to date, to please consider him. He has said he would love to be my partner. I knew this person before I met the BPD guy and we always clicked well, I was always comfortable around him, but he had a girlfriend at the time so I didn't consider anything romantic with him (I also am not that sexually attracted, but there is a warm attraction).

Then I met and quickly fell for my uBPDex. Seven months later we broke up.

Now me and my friend are single. But I'm not getting into anything serious. I'm still too wounded. The cool thing is he isn't pressuring me. He's doing his thing and I'm doing mine, but he has made it clear I can turn to him for support. After the intense BPD r/s and subsequent fallout, I find that super sexual attraction is overrated. I almost prefer now, after being scarred so bad by the ex, to be in a r/s where kindness is a bigger priority than the school-girl crush feelings (seriously, I ADORED my BPDex; I would watch him from a distance and think holy ___ I'm crazy about you). 

It's nice to be reminded that there are people out there who have your best interest in mind and hurting you isn't an option.

[eeyore]

I find that super sexual attraction is overrated. I almost prefer now, after being scarred so bad by the ex, to be in a r/s where kindness is a bigger priority than the school-girl crush feelings (seriously, I ADORED my BPDex

It's nice to be reminded that there are people out there who have your best interest in mind and hurting you isn't an option.

Thank you for sharing.  Something for us all to think about and embrace.

[papawapa]

The last message I sent to her was Thursday or Friday last week. Last night I get a text from her... .

"I need somewhere to go."

I have a standing offer to help her get into her own place so that she will be able to be with the kids since they are not allowed any contact with my replacement. So I called her.

She asks me if I am still willing to help her. I say yes. Then she makes it known that if she accepts my help it does not mean she is getting back together with me. I tell her I understand that. Then I tell her she can come stay here with me and the kids. Her response is no way. I suggest she go stay with family and get off the phone with her.

We exchanged a couple texts today and it is clear she was reaching out for comfort, nothing more.

Back to NC I go.

[eeyore]

good for you in not being a doormat.