Deletions: A work in progress

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hey guys,

I'm successfully at week 6 of NC, but I've run into a snag with completely deleting my uBPD-exGF out of my life. For one, I still have photos of her/us. I am leaning towards keeping a few photos, mainly to have as something with which to document this little chapter in my life, but well put away. Problem solved. But, still there's other stuff to delete.

Here's my challenge -

She texts me at least once a week. I have not responded. But, I still read them. This evening she texted me twice - two long paragraphs, I'll pull out the main words:

"Where are you?"

"If I could take it all back, I would."

"I'll be sending something in the mail... .

then I'll leave you alone [she promised this so many times already]."

"You're all that's ever on my mind and

I'm sorry. I'll regret this for the rest of my life."

Make no mistake, I have no intention of ever getting back. But, I admit I felt some sadness. This would not have happened if I had blocked her number. So, I'm working on this whole deletion thing. I know it's up to me, but those of you familiar with this predicament - what's worked for you? Thanks for sharing any thoughts, reactions.

deretour

[DeRetour]

Hey guys,

I'm successfully at week 6 of NC, but I've run into a snag with completely deleting my uBPD-exGF out of my life. For one, I still have photos of her/us. I am leaning towards keeping a few photos, mainly to have as something with which to document this little chapter in my life, but well put away. Problem solved. But, still there's other stuff to delete.

Here's my challenge -

She texts me at least once a week. I have not responded. But, I still read them. This evening she texted me twice - two long paragraphs, I'll pull out the main words:

"Where are you?"

"If I could take it all back, I would."

"I'll be sending something in the mail... .

then I'll leave you alone [she promised this so many times already]."

"You're all that's ever on my mind and

I'm sorry. I'll regret this for the rest of my life."

Make no mistake, I have no intention of ever getting back. But, I admit I felt some sadness. This would not have happened if I had blocked her number. So, I'm working on this whole deletion thing. I know it's up to me, but those of you familiar with this predicament - what's worked for you? Thanks for sharing any thoughts, reactions.

deretour

[DeRetour]

Hah!

Just as I'm posting this, I got another text from her. She's asking me if I'd see her if she were waiting outside my building.

I will resist. But, it's interesting to see what kind of response this elicits in me:

knot in my stomach tightening, heart rate up, shortness of breath, and general shaking. These are all the signs I need to remember how toxic she is for me. Okay, I will stay strong.

[blurry]

 If you're truely done, block the number, block everything. I say I'm done all the time, but deep down I know id walk to the end of the world to be with my wife, even if I say otherwise, that's why I leave channels of communication open, I wont break NC but I pray she does. If I was done, and I mean done, id block every possible avenue of communication, unless I didn't care one way or another if I saw her text.

Do what's best for you to get you where you need to be, but don't think you owe them anything, I don't believe that.

[DeRetour]

Blurry,

Thanks for responding. She's just texted me yet again to start the old guilt trip. And yes, I feel it, haha. Thanks for the reminder - I don't owe my ex anything.

Well, this is good practice. I can see that I have a little work to do on completely deleting her. I don't want to think too hard about it. But I can see that there's some work here.

Thanks again Blurry, and you stay strong with your goals as well!

-deretour

[heartandwhole]

knot in my stomach tightening, heart rate up, shortness of breath, and general shaking. These are all the signs I need to remember how toxic she is for me. Okay, I will stay strong.

Hi DeRetour,

Well, your body knows that this is not a good thing.    For me, NC helped me to not be distracted by him and his feelings and what he was doing/wanting/needing.  I needed to focus on myself.  Detaching is so much more than not communicating.  If you can read her texts and continue with your recovery, more power to you. I couldn't.   

[blurry]

 I know the physical side of things too, had heart palpitations or something irregular in my hearthbeat since she convinced me to go back to her in april, even when things were calm, its like a feeling of impending doom. Then two breakups followed by marriage in july, I had hives, which I never had in my life before, for three weeks following our honeymoon. And get this, after two weeks of our ugliest breakup to date, I move out of town and the irregular heartbeat and hives stop.

Also get a pounding in my chest and start shaking when I see a text pop up from her during our separations. NC continues, day 10. I'm committed to six months not seeing her. Nothing else ever worked so no matter what happens, I may never hear from her again, or maybe she'll reach out, but either way, I said 6 months minimum and I gotta follow through.

[Ironmanrises]

Hah!

Just as I'm posting this, I got another text from her. She's asking me if I'd see her if she were waiting outside my building.

I will resist. But, it's interesting to see what kind of response this elicits in me:

knot in my stomach tightening, heart rate up, shortness of breath, and general shaking. These are all the signs I need to remember how toxic she is for me. Okay, I will stay strong.

That.

I experienced that in both rounds of relationship in devaluation.

More so second time around.

So awful.

It has subsided since i have been NC.