I am defeated. I start next week on Tuesday nights. The thing about all of this that gets me is that I almost can't stop pointing out what a goof ball he is now. I just antagonize him and I don't know why I am doing it. I just can't stand it anymore. My self esteem so low right now. And I am thoroughly convince that I am the one who has this BPD. All he does is tell me what is wrong. One guilt trip right after the other. Am I really dishonest. I told him last night to stop telling me how dishonest I am and how I make up stories and deflect the issues. I haven't heard from him much now. And that's okay. But honestly I am going back to counseling. I got to AA, I work with others, Sometimes everyone I am so tired fo doing all this anlayzing of self. Who knows if it does any good for me anymore. :)o any of you get tired of watching your every move. I feel like I am starting over everything I tried to change about myself. I guess we are all sick. But man I didn't think I would fight a sick person. That makes me worse. So back to the counselor I go.
Good for you!
Let's say you do indeed have BPD or at least a few traits... .facing it head on is courageous and the right course of action. So, you get into a DBT or CBT program and learn to identify your feelings and your patterns of behavior - and you change.
Eventually, we stop analyzing every little thing - we accept we are not perfect and that is ok. You are wise to go back to counseling, be kind to yourself right now and be proud of yourself for taking control back of you emotions.
Hang in there,
SB
