Feeling so low..worst ever

[desperatehubby]

So I recently ended my 7 year marriage, my choice but doesn't mean I wont be upset.

I've been told this is the toughest period, and boy is it, i'm feeling very low

Been screwed over in jobs and other ways so much this year, really feel like i'm losing everything and the plot.

For various reasons I slept in a car on Saturday night, and it just dawned me what I have lost this year... .2 jobs, place in a band, my marriage (although my choice) and now probably the house... .I may just get some health left... .it made realise how the BPD depression makes them suicidal... .because I had many dark and low moments in that car, and I am still now.

But I had to end the marriage. I am waiting for counselling... but this dark place is gonna be around in my head for a while... I'm trying to be strong

[GreenMango]

That is a lot of setbacks in year.  Anybody would be down.  You aren't alone on that.

How's your support system? Friends and family near? Can you find a soft place to land with one of them right now?

[desperatehubby]

my mum and step dad are round the corner... .my dad lives in the north of england

I find it difficult to open up to them

One of my best friends lives several hundred miles away, but I did text

Myself and my stbexw are still in the house whilst we wait for estate agents to value it.

I dont know how I would cope with a new job at the moment if I found one (currently unemployed)

Perhaps I may go to my dad's

[GreenMango]

Hey I left too... .high tailed it back to folks for awhile.  Warm fire, cozy, and semi-quiet.  Best thing people who you love and love you.  Its good for soul.

It was nice.  I know its hard to open up I took me 5 years to finally let my mom in on what was going on.  It helped when I did though.

Soft place.  Can you call him?

Winter in northern England during the holiday season could be nice.  Snow, lights, and different town.  What's it like where he lives?

[desperatehubby]

it's ok where he lives, very quiet.

But my dad is also going through chemo for cancer at the moment... .that's been going on as well over the last year, as well as my situation and my own seizure I had last October

Things very difficult

[GreenMango]

That is difficult.  It sounds like you could spend some time together.

Would it be good for both of you?  How's your relationship with him?

[desperatehubby]

the relationship is fine.

He's just got back from 2 weeks holiday though in Greece and he was quite ill for the last week.

Maybe I may go there this weekend give him some recovery time

[GreenMango]

It's a good plan.  Does he live in a rural area?

Sounds like you need some space and some time.

And I'm guessing is pretty cold right now too?  The car is pretty miserable place to spend the night.

[desperatehubby]

yes he is in a rural part of Lincolnshire

It's getting cold, we are going into Autumn so temperature dropping at night... .it was freezing in the car

2013... .13 not been lucky for me... .I know it was my choice to end the marriage though, I've done all I can and I'm just not happy

[GreenMango]

Sometimes a little break can help.  Maybe the countryside will be good.  Country chores ... .Get your mind off things and see your dad.

Honestly I'd be hard pressed to be happy at this moment too.  It's hard stuff you are going thru.  Yeah you made the choice to leave but it doesn't make it easier sometimes.  Doing the right thing isn't always going to make a person happy.

The goal is that doing the right thing will set you on a course towards contentment.  A better life and there's gonna be some rough days.  It's not permanent.

Did you call your dad?