Codependency and Facebook

[sheepdog]

I was just wondering if any of you that are codependent get all wonky because of Facebook.

It seems to be a trigger for me.  A trigger to lower my self-esteem and bring out shame and compare myself to others and find myself lacking.

So, why not just get off of Facebook, you ask?

I volunteer for a non-profit and am the president of the area I live in for the organization.  I have to do stuff for them on Facebook.

I also will be honest and say that I lack discipline and find myself unable to not look sometimes.

Anyone else experience this and have any thoughts on it?

[fromheeltoheal]

Unlike this site, everyone on Facebook posts their successes, wins and celebrations, and if you're not doing so well, it can make you feel worse. And of course there's a lot of bhiting about the state of the world, which actually makes me feel better, because I think bhiting on Facebook about things you're not going to do anything about is pretty weak.

Of course just not going there at all is an option.  I've also tried to help unhappy people, kind of like we do here, but people on Facebook generally ain't havin' it.  There's also the challenge of trying to out-happy people, which is surprisingly fun.  And lately I've just defaulted to clever comments, which is fun too, and makes people laugh.

As with most things, Facebook is what we make it; have fun with it.

[Free One]

I stopped using FB in the traditional since. I closed my account - shut it down and deleted completely (not the easy "deactivate your account), but a real delete). I then opened a new account, and set the settings in a way that no one can ask to be my friend. This way I have access to a page I manage and groups I want to participate in, but don't get caught up in the lives of others. I also did it because ex and I had over 100 mutual friends, and it was painful to see the activity.

Now, this method isn't for everyone, but it works for me. I had to make the commitment that I would work on real life interactions with my real friends and put the effort into connecting with those friends outside of Facebook. It wasn't easy at first; I had to tell those important people what I was doing in regards to FB and ASK all my friends to make sure they include me in activities still. It's been a year and a half and has worked well for me.

[happylogist]

I am also hooked... .  For number of reasons I haven't unfriended my uBPDex, including him making a lot of drama and badmouthing me, as well as I confess just being curious to see how his life evolves maybe after some time... .But currently he can't see what I post and what others post on my page. Maybe he knows that, maybe he doesn't, I don't know whether I am of any interest to him, but at the point I will be OK if he unfriends me. He broke up with me anyway.  I have hidden his and mutual friends updates from the news feed. I also try to avoid any communication with common friends for now.

That started a new wave in the way I deal with FB. I just hide people who make me feel bad for some period of time. Normally either those are bragging types or overly fanatic in something and whose ideas I do not share so much (political, religious, etc.).  To me I acknowledge their presence (like accepting that we know each other, for me it is the same as saying hi when you meet each other in the street), but I do not want to follow their updates (continuing the analogy - I do not want to stop and ask how they are doing).

I know I have problems with unfriending, I did it once with my uBPDex, but then added him back. I felt really bad after he was upset and blamed me in hurting him. 

As for now I avoid posting anything there, it helps not checking it often. I also try to comment on the posts of people with whom I want to keep a close contact. I don't live in the same country where they live, so FB is a nice alternative for me to know how they are doing and keeping in touch.