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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: calm before the storm with us.  (Read 576 times)
mitchell16
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« on: October 01, 2013, 02:32:03 PM »

I woke up today with a calmer feeling to myself. I have think I have came to the a place where I have exhausted myself with this mess and I know longer care. what she does, I could care less anymore if I hear from her, I could care less who she is with. Is this normal to feel this way so quick. Or am I just being calm before the storm. Since last night I actully slept good first time in months. This morning when I read some more on this board I just felt a calmness come over me. Just wondering am I seting myself up for failure.
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Ironmanrises
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
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« Reply #1 on: October 01, 2013, 02:49:20 PM »

One day at a time Mitchell.

That you slept good... .

Is a good sign.

See if you can string together a few days in a row... .

Healing is a slow process.

Your calmness might be your body telling you... .

That it has been drained by the constant exposure to that disordered person... .

My anxiety decreased significantly after i went NC.

Not that it stopped the hurt... .

I am still healing 11 weeks later... .

But my heart racing... .

Stomach becoming irritated... .

And what not... .

That has subsided a lot.

Hang in there.

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DragoN
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« Reply #2 on: October 01, 2013, 08:18:32 PM »

Excerpt
I have think I have came to the a place where I have exhausted myself with this mess and I know longer care. what she does, I could care less anymore if I hear from her, I could care less who she is with. Is this normal to feel this way so quick. Or am I just being calm before the storm.

Mitchell, I am thinking it may in part be Acceptance with a mix of detachment that comes with. Knowing that the nasty actions you have been the recipient of are due to her PD and not as a reflection of yourself. If anything like myself, the emotional storm will come later. Maybe, maybe not. Maintain NC as breaking it tends to wreak havoc.
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eeyore
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Relationship status: in a relationship
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« Reply #3 on: October 01, 2013, 08:30:06 PM »

at first I was just so comforted by the peace, that I felt much like you describe.  As time has passed and I have gotten much rest.  I find myself missing the daily how was your day chat... .or more like how was his day chat.  I missed the good stuff. 
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Oliolioxenfree
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« Reply #4 on: October 01, 2013, 10:38:49 PM »



Mitchell16,

You are healing which is a good thing.  Time is your friend at this point.  Some of us go through the stages of grief over and over and cycle through many times until we reach indifference.  its wonderful that you are already starting to decompress.

Take things day by day and honor all of the feelings you have , be it pure hatred, anger, relief, shock, disappointment, happiness, rage, Happiness, and the moments of lucidity and pure clarity.

When you experience all of these feelings, you learn to be more connected to your own emotions which is a wonderful gift that these relationships bring. 
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