Procrastination linked to Non behavior?

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

(Not saying for all, but at least wondering)

For me, in my household, my Dad would procrastinate because there was no reward in completing the goal. I used to think this may be just him, but I don't think so anymore.

See, my Mom after he would complete something would chase him down on another thing instead of saying thank you, you did a good job. She would go on about how ineffective he was, always procrastinated and was dumb, etc.

My Mom did the same sort of thing with me, though I didn't believe her. So it's more intermittent... .

When I'm feeling down and in the dumps, I often can't really get myself out the door. Usually I know there is a reward, but somehow I feel like it's pointless, so the reward system is messed up in my subconscious?

I've been fighting the inertia for a while, but sometimes it's really, really hard. I believe in dharma--the same of doing work for the sake of itself as its own reward. (though not a Hindu) But sometimes when I fight it, there isn't really a reason there that I'm procrastinating. I can fight against thoughts of failure, but sometimes it's just blank--no reason, but still can't move to do anything about it.

Is this programming, or is it me? (Or is it just general depression?) Talking to T about it.

[DesertChild]

(Not saying for all, but at least wondering)

For me, in my household, my Dad would procrastinate because there was no reward in completing the goal. I used to think this may be just him, but I don't think so anymore.

See, my Mom after he would complete something would chase him down on another thing instead of saying thank you, you did a good job. She would go on about how ineffective he was, always procrastinated and was dumb, etc.

My Mom did the same sort of thing with me, though I didn't believe her. So it's more intermittent... .

When I'm feeling down and in the dumps, I often can't really get myself out the door. Usually I know there is a reward, but somehow I feel like it's pointless, so the reward system is messed up in my subconscious?

I've been fighting the inertia for a while, but sometimes it's really, really hard. I believe in dharma--the same of doing work for the sake of itself as its own reward. (though not a Hindu) But sometimes when I fight it, there isn't really a reason there that I'm procrastinating. I can fight against thoughts of failure, but sometimes it's just blank--no reason, but still can't move to do anything about it.

Is this programming, or is it me? (Or is it just general depression?) Talking to T about it.

[Want2know]

I've been fighting the inertia for a while, but sometimes it's really, really hard. I believe in dharma--the same of doing work for the sake of itself as its own reward. (though not a Hindu) But sometimes when I fight it, there isn't really a reason there that I'm procrastinating. I can fight against thoughts of failure, but sometimes it's just blank--no reason, but still can't move to do anything about it.

Is this programming, or is it me? (Or is it just general depression?) Talking to T about it.

It sounds like general depression, and talking with your T about what might be the causes of it is a good thing.

I just went through the same thing with a friend of mine, which I then discussed with my therapist.  My friend came to visit last weekend, and noted that my car was a mess, amongst a few other things that one might consider procrastination, and jumped to the conclusion that these were signs of full blown depression.  I got defensive, and did a counterpoint to each item on her list 'explaining' the thought process behind each one, and why I felt it wasn't depression related.

When I talked to my T about it, she helped me see the bigger picture.  She asked me a bunch of questions and at the end said I didn't meet the criteria of depression, but instead I have different priorities than my friend. 

The defining 'thing' about depression is if your feelings of sadness keep you from doing things.  In my case, having a clean car is just a low priority, and I'm active in other areas that are more important to me.

So, is it a feeling of sadness that keeps you from doing these things or do you have other important things that you do instead of the cleaning or whatever task you procrastinate about?

[fromheeltoheal]

In general we procrastinate because we associate more pain the doing something than not doing it.  That pain could be fear, if whatever it is we're procrastinating about involves risk.  And a lot of times we procrastinate doing something we have to do, or 'should' do, but don't want to do, until the pain of not doing it gets more extreme the the pain of doing it, then we get going.  Of course the things we associate pleasure to we'll do without procrastination.

To me it's a question of motivation, either the push motivation of moving away from something painful to get something less painful done, or the pull motivation that causes us to do something to gain pleasure, because we want to, and getting motivated seems effortless.

Then there's depression which can trump all of the above.  Sometimes doing something pleasurable can lessen the depression, sometimes doing something that needs to be done can lessen depression because it avoids pain, and sometimes doing or not doing anything won't affect depression because we're so down in the dumps that we just don't care about any of it.  Been there.

[DesertChild]

So, is it a feeling of sadness that keeps you from doing these things or do you have other important things that you do instead of the cleaning or whatever task you procrastinate about?

Sometimes. Sometimes it is more like I just don't want to deal with people at all (despite my main mode being an extrovert... .I know that's weird). But then I'm thinking, "You need to get food, you are out of groceries. This is priority number 1." Then I spend time coaxing and arguing my way through it, using every tactic I know and have learned. It's a bit difficult when there is no reason. It tends to vary a lot though. I'm not quite sure why it varies though, yet. Working on that. (Some days I can really do it. Some other days I just can't move to do it and I spend the day trying to get out the door until it's too late to do it, but then do it the next day.)

T thinks I probably have depression. (I've been aware I'm prone to depression and have mitigated it in the past, but my tactics ran out recently. I have no idea why it outsmarted everything.) I probably also have some anxiety, though that's more recent development due to recent events, which I won't highlight for privacy reasons (too specific and searchable).  Anxiety tends to trigger depression in me these days.

Not quite sure how to get over the inertia... .

[Want2know]

Not quite sure how to get over the inertia... .

Reading your response, I can see I do the same thing sometimes.  There are times I associated it with anxiety, depression, laziness, etc.  What I've come to realize is that I have always tried to do the 'right' thing, or what might considered the norm, or things that might be an obligation.  

That inertia was almost my internal struggle with knowing what the 'normal' thing to do (ie. I'm out of food, I need to go buy groceries) to realizing that are more choices available to me and I can do whatever I want (ie. I'm out of food, but I can order a pizza to be delivered, or I can be creative with what is in my fridge).  I kept battling with what is the best or right thing to do - anxiety over the choices that lead to non-action, or what might be considered depression accompanied by guilt.

Somehow I'm getting more used to not creating anxiety over my options, and instead doing what I feel like doing, becoming more in tune with my moods and being ok with them.  It's taken a lot of self-talk to get there, and funny thing is I find it easier to discipline myself when I realize I do have choices and none of them are wrong.

Hope this makes sense.