My anger and "hate" has overtaken my body.

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

I have after almost 2 months mustered the strength and courage to get my STD test. I have to wait 4 excruciating days for the results. My mind tells me she slept with half of Houston. Unprotected sex and no birth control were the norm with me for three years.  I have no reason to think it was anything but the same with God only knows how many people.

RED FLAG in March when she asked me if I had been tested. I then got tested an thankfully all was good. What a dumb ass I was in retrospect!

I am so disgusted with myself. Sadly, part of me wants a positive result so I can tell her what a slut she is, not that it ever got ant type of response out of her in the past.

[Waifed]

I have after almost 2 months mustered the strength and courage to get my STD test. I have to wait 4 excruciating days for the results. My mind tells me she slept with half of Houston. Unprotected sex and no birth control were the norm with me for three years.  I have no reason to think it was anything but the same with God only knows how many people.

RED FLAG in March when she asked me if I had been tested. I then got tested an thankfully all was good. What a dumb ass I was in retrospect!

I am so disgusted with myself. Sadly, part of me wants a positive result so I can tell her what a slut she is, not that it ever got ant type of response out of her in the past.

[Lady31]

Waifed,

I'm in the Houston area too.  If she likes to hit the dating websites maybe she has hooked up with my smooth talking, GQ looking, master manipulating (recent) exH who likes to troll around online.  Ugh.

Thank God in heaven I don't have anything after learning during our marriage (not through him, he was vague) about his MANY conquests in the past.  And he did crazy things, like hook up with chics on craigslist (I think, have pretty good reason to believe) not to mention the countless one night bar chics he had.  That trips me out, pretty disgusting as I can't fathom having a man I DON'T EVEN KNOW that "close" to me (PG description).  Absolutely DISGUSTING.

I hope all turns out well (and "clear" for you so you don't have any remnants of her crap to deal with going into your future. 

[MovingOnForLife]

Hi-

Just wanted to say I know how you feel.  My stbx uBPDh was not only cheating on me with his GF but he also had another girl who he was swinging with.  So only god knows how many people he slept with. I waited two months before I could call the doctor but I did and thank god everything came back negative.

I too wanted a positive result so I could tell him what a pig he is but then I realized that even giving me some disease wouldn't make him realize the hurt he's caused so I stopped thinking that real quick. 

He's mentally ill and I'm way better off without him.

[Waifed]

Waifed,

I'm in the Houston area too.  If she likes to hit the dating websites maybe she has hooked up with my smooth talking, GQ looking, master manipulating (recent) exH who likes to troll around online.  Ugh.

Thank God in heaven I don't have anything after learning during our marriage (not through him, he was vague) about his MANY conquests in the past.  And he did crazy things, like hook up with chics on craigslist (I think, have pretty good reason to believe) not to mention the countless one night bar chics he had.  That trips me out, pretty disgusting as I can't fathom having a man I DON'T EVEN KNOW that "close" to me (PG description).  Absolutely DISGUSTING.

I hope all turns out well (and "clear" for you so you don't have any remnants of her crap to deal with going into your future. 

I know totally how you feel!  DISGUSTING!  BTW, luckily I passed

[crazytrain2]

Congratulations!  I had a similar problem with my ex... .it's a two pronged dilema, knowing your ex had such little regard you that they would put you at risk, and then of course worrying that perhaps you get a lifelong reminder of their time with you (via incurable bugs).

I'm pretty sure, at the pace they seem to take with this behavior we can safely say we "dodged a bullet" and yet another reason to be happy we are off that train.

[Ironmanrises]

Waifed,

I'm in the Houston area too.  If she likes to hit the dating websites maybe she has hooked up with my smooth talking, GQ looking, master manipulating (recent) exH who likes to troll around online.  Ugh.

Thank God in heaven I don't have anything after learning during our marriage (not through him, he was vague) about his MANY conquests in the past.  And he did crazy things, like hook up with chics on craigslist (I think, have pretty good reason to believe) not to mention the countless one night bar chics he had.  That trips me out, pretty disgusting as I can't fathom having a man I DON'T EVEN KNOW that "close" to me (PG description).  Absolutely DISGUSTING.

I hope all turns out well (and "clear" for you so you don't have any remnants of her crap to deal with going into your future. 

I know totally how you feel!  DISGUSTING!  BTW, luckily I passed

In bold.

Most excellent. 

I know what a huge relief... .

That must have been.

[bpdspell]

it's a two pronged dilema, knowing your ex had such little regard you that they would put you at risk, and then of course worrying that perhaps you get a lifelong reminder of their time with you (via incurable bugs).

I'm pretty sure, at the pace they seem to take with this behavior we can safely say we "dodged a bullet" and yet another reason to be happy we are off that train.

The Funny thing is... .their behavior really points to how little regard they have for themselves! Sleeping with others recklessly puts themselves at risk... .so it shows you how little they care about their own bodies!

So how could they have the capacity to care about spreading an STD to "us" when they lack the capacity to be careful about putting their own lives in danger?

It's more proof of how seriously mentally ill they are.

People who care about themselves don't have a consistent pattern of jeopardizing their health for meaningless empty sex.

I put my own life at risk with diseases even after I knew my ex had cheated. I slept with him unprotected even as he triangulated me! In hindsight I was very careless and handed over sacred parts of me way too easily to be accepted, validated and loved. I was too desperate for his "crumbs of love" and could have paid a brutal price. I didn't care about me.

That's the lesson here.

They don't care about us because they don't care about themselves!

Spell

[Lady31]

Waifed -

Oh goodness, what a relief.  Happy for the good news for you. 

[crazytrain2]

Spell! Thank you!  YES! That is what I wanted to say... .they have very little regard for themselves.  And because we are enmeshed and 'merely and extension of them'... .like we are just a disagreeable arm or leg,... .well, they inherently don't think of us as a sperate individual. So they think of us as they think of themselves... .which isn't much.

And yes, and especially if we are even semi aware of what might be going on ... .we should have (had) more regard for ourselves.

[Iwalk-Heruns]

Hi-

Just wanted to say I know how you feel.  My stbx uBPDh was not only cheating on me with his GF but he also had another girl who he was swinging with.  So only god knows how many people he slept with. I waited two months before I could call the doctor but I did and thank god everything came back negative.

I too wanted a positive result so I could tell him what a pig he is but then I realized that even giving me some disease wouldn't make him realize the hurt he's caused so I stopped thinking that real quick. 

He's mentally ill and I'm way better off without him.

Wow! I thought I was sick for feeling like I would love to be able to call (not really but) and tell him he gave me something. But your right even a disease would not make them realize what they have done. My test is scheduled for Friday. Took me 3 months to make myself go but learning a few days ago for sure he was also seeing a coworker while we were together made me finally do it. Wish me luck!

[Ironmanrises]

Good luck Iwalk.

Let us know the results.

We stand with you.

[Lady31]

Iwalk!  Good luck to you girl.  And let him keep runnin'!

[Iwalk-Heruns]

Thanks all!

Yes let him run like the wind!

I'll keep you posted.