Dumped by text 2

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

seriously all I have to say is their behaviour is disgusting.

So I went to collect my belongings this arvo from the exBPD bf that kindly dumped me by text for a girl he found while I was sick for a while, he did not stop texting someone I said to him this is the last time you are going to see me after eight years and all you can do is text while I am here first he told me it was his mum then he told me it was his mate yep sure it was the new flame and as soon as I had my stuff and he bung on the tears saying how hard it is for him to see me go he turns round and says he is off for a run on the beach to let off some steam yep sure you are ! You are off to the new girls place that lives around the corner from you, he made out to me that he is lonely and he has moments when all he wants to do is hang himself while he was crying oh gez louise PLEEEEEEASE do you play me for a fool NOO no more you are a playing ass that uses peoples emotions to make yourself feel better... .he turned round to me and asked if we can be friends WHAT... .FRIENDS? NO WAY hoisa I know your triangular trick play with the new girl and keep me in the wings and make me put my life on hold for the just incase moment of you coming back... .they really think we are stupid ! he once again blamed me for his unfaithfulness it made me furious ! So its my fault I was so sick for two months and you decided you would get bored waiting for me to get better so you find yourself a girl and lie to me with your whereabouts when I was ringing you while I was sick then once I was better you lie to me bout coming down to finally see you and tell me your "mum" id coming for the weekend I aint no village idiot... .SHE CAN HAVE IT ! He has made me out to be the villain has gotten sympathy off her as he is the "victim" NOT ME and whammo a new girlfriend has been sucked in... .as I said their behaviour is disgusting ! 

[butterfly141]

seriously all I have to say is their behaviour is disgusting.

So I went to collect my belongings this arvo from the exBPD bf that kindly dumped me by text for a girl he found while I was sick for a while, he did not stop texting someone I said to him this is the last time you are going to see me after eight years and all you can do is text while I am here first he told me it was his mum then he told me it was his mate yep sure it was the new flame and as soon as I had my stuff and he bung on the tears saying how hard it is for him to see me go he turns round and says he is off for a run on the beach to let off some steam yep sure you are ! You are off to the new girls place that lives around the corner from you, he made out to me that he is lonely and he has moments when all he wants to do is hang himself while he was crying oh gez louise PLEEEEEEASE do you play me for a fool NOO no more you are a playing ass that uses peoples emotions to make yourself feel better... .he turned round to me and asked if we can be friends WHAT... .FRIENDS? NO WAY hoisa I know your triangular trick play with the new girl and keep me in the wings and make me put my life on hold for the just incase moment of you coming back... .they really think we are stupid ! he once again blamed me for his unfaithfulness it made me furious ! So its my fault I was so sick for two months and you decided you would get bored waiting for me to get better so you find yourself a girl and lie to me with your whereabouts when I was ringing you while I was sick then once I was better you lie to me bout coming down to finally see you and tell me your "mum" id coming for the weekend I aint no village idiot... .SHE CAN HAVE IT ! He has made me out to be the villain has gotten sympathy off her as he is the "victim" NOT ME and whammo a new girlfriend has been sucked in... .as I said their behaviour is disgusting ! 

[Lady31]

Wow butterfly... .that's horrible.  You are obviously extremely upset and rightly so!  I'm glad to see that you are drawing serious boundaries for yourself and not letting this guy play the games with you.

I know it hurts... .and your are right, the behavior and lies are absolutely disgusting.  I've been there too.  Mine had a whole different life he was living webbed in lies and I didn't have a clue.  At least not on that level.

I think mine had more NPD traits mixed with the BPD, not sure how many others here had that - but I think they could be very dangerous.  Really crazy when you start unraveling what's REALLY going on with them.

I quit buying the ocean front property out in Arizona - glad to see you have too honey.

[bpdspell]

Yes.

Their behavior is appalling. They're mentally ill and use maladaptive ways of managing their emotionally stunted wiring.

The question now lies: What are you going to do? How are you going to empower yourself from the experience of dealing with your ex?

Their behavior is very hurtful to us and we cannot trust a person who lacks the capacity to relate to others on an emotionally mature level. The good news is that it is within our power to create boundaries that will protect us. We can stop engaging: responding to texts, calls, emails, facebook thugging, we can empower ourselves and go no contact. We've experienced the evidence of their emotional abuse so now it's up to us to end the cycle for good.

Being emotionally involved in a love triangle hurts. My exbf played that game with me and it triggered my intense feelings of smallness and insignificance.  When the other woman would "win" I'd feel disposable, replaceable... .like I didn't matter.

Take yourself out of the triangle for good. BPD's are all about winning and trying to make you look how they feel about themselves every day.

Read all you can about this complex disorder. It's a dance that involves two... .in time you will learn how to depersonalize his behavior because his behavior is a true reflection of his intense self-hate.

Spell

[butterfly141]

YIKES ! I have just woken up to a text message... .he wants me back! Got home late last night from collecting my stuff wrote a post on here and just went to bed as I was drained by it all and now this ! He wants to be a loyal boyfriend but I need to be around for him to do it

[Confusedandhurt]

Butterfly,

What do you think you're going to do?  For me, I decided a long time ago that if my ex ever wanted me back, she would have to agree to counseling together.  There's no guarantee that it would work, but at least she would have to face her behavior.  After all I went through, there is no way I would just take her back cart blanche... .

Regardless of what you decide, we'll support you!

C&H

[allweareisallweare]

The second most important phrase ever is "I love you" as they join the three most meaningful things in the world - yourself, another and love-  the FIRST most important phrase in any language (I can say it in two) is SAVE YOURSELF, honestly.

[butterfly141]

Oh gez why do they do this for? I have been useless today thinking so much. If I'm ok to dump by text due to him lying to me and secretly seeing girl behind my back while I was sick then obviously dumping me for her cause he thinks she is a better offer, why now? Why after the heartbreak last week then slightly feeling normal this week and then yday strong enough to get my things and making plans to move away with my boy for a new start does he turn around and say to me he wants to be a loyal boyfriend but I need to spend more time with him, what has he said to this other girl? he has asked me to move in with him he said. If you truly love someone, you do not lie to them, you definitely do not cheat on them, you do not make out they are something they are not to people on their side of the fence... .oh boy I have another "talk" coming up with him now, round and round the merry go round, its so tiring, last week it was over he wanted to be with someone that lived on their own with no kids and now he wants me back I am not a woman with no kids... .confused   

[Lady31]

If you truly love someone, you do not lie to them, you definitely do not cheat on them, you do not make out they are something they are not to people on their side of the fence... .

You already have your answer.  You are looking for an explanation for his behavior because it does not reconcile with what is ok for you. 

Bottom line:  He treats you like crap and in ways that are not ok.  You will accept this and believe his excuses for his behavior and have a relationship with someone who is capable of this.  Or you will decide this is not the kind of relationship you want and walk away.

You won't CHANGE the kind of relationship it is - you will have this relationship and him with his character as he has shown you, or you will walk away and let it go.

[Iwalk-Heruns]

If you truly love someone, you do not lie to them, you definitely do not cheat on them, you do not make out they are something they are not to people on their side of the fence... .

Butterfly this is your most important statement and the truth. Read it over and over. Post it on your bathroom mirror if you have too.

I know it hurts. He may even be sincere in his own mind because he is struggling with his emotions. He wants you now probably because your not begging him and he can sense he is losing you. I'm sorry but this will not end well. Even with therapy. Mine agreed to go than quit a couple months in. The turn around always, inevitably comes. That is what blindsides us because we believe.

Ask yourself do you want to be 10 years older and still doing this or do you want to unfortunately feel this pain an open yourself up to finding someone that will love you the way you love them and has the capacity to be healthy relationship and treat you well.

I know how hard this is I am living it and I wish to god when he came back I never took him back. I could have possibly been in a healthy relationship now.