Feeling Guilty

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Good evening everyone. 

My ex pwBPDbf left the area I live in two weeks ago, and I have maintained nc for only 4 days and trying really really hard.  Some of my friends are encouraging me to go out, so this weekend I went out for the evening, and I have to say it was awful.  I kept feeling guilty, on edge and felt that I shouldn't be out  (He cheated on me once for going out and said if I ever went out again he would cheat again)  I also cannot stop thinking about him and it is driving me mad!... .so I thought maybe I should join a dating site just to talk and take my mind off him, but again I am feeling a sense of dread and I don't know if this is because of him or I am not ready?

I really want to stop thinking about him and feel normal again  :'(

[Oracle]

Good evening everyone. 

My ex pwBPDbf left the area I live in two weeks ago, and I have maintained nc for only 4 days and trying really really hard.  Some of my friends are encouraging me to go out, so this weekend I went out for the evening, and I have to say it was awful.  I kept feeling guilty, on edge and felt that I shouldn't be out  (He cheated on me once for going out and said if I ever went out again he would cheat again)  I also cannot stop thinking about him and it is driving me mad!... .so I thought maybe I should join a dating site just to talk and take my mind off him, but again I am feeling a sense of dread and I don't know if this is because of him or I am not ready?

I really want to stop thinking about him and feel normal again  :'(

[ShadowDancer]

Dating sites are a BAD idea. Why? They are absolutely a trolling place for the disordered, the losers, and the predators and the WEIRD!. You are none of those things.

Let nature have it's way with you for awhile. Grieve while you should. Celebrate when your ready.

[houseofswans]

Hi Oracle,

I know exactly about wanting to feel normal again.

Something or anything to take one's mind of our ex's. It's hard to get them out of our heads... .

I want to hopefully meet someone new, but just aren't ready yet - my ex hangs over my emotions too much.

Try and stay focussed, we are all here to help you. I have been helped so much by some wise heads on this forum

[houseofswans]

Dating sites are a BAD idea. Why? They are absolutely a trolling place for the disordered, the losers, and the predators and the WEIRD!. You are none of those things.

Let nature have it's way with you for awhile. Grieve while you should. Celebrate when your ready.

Yikes! Apart from my ex I have always used dating sites.

*thinks* Am I disordered, a loser, a predator or weird? 

[ShadowDancer]

Dating sites are a BAD idea. Why? They are absolutely a trolling place for the disordered, the losers, and the predators and the WEIRD!. You are none of those things.

Let nature have it's way with you for awhile. Grieve while you should. Celebrate when your ready.

Yikes! Apart from my ex I have always used dating sites.

*thinks* Am I disordered, a loser, a predator or weird? 

Maybe. Naw only joshing you. I suppose if you have your head together they may work out. Too many horror stories for me though.

[Oracle]

Thankyou for your encouraging words.

houseofswans I only used the site once and he was the one I had a relationship with , I was only thinking of using it again as a way of chatting and keeping my mind occupied as I feel so lonely, more lonely for what he gave me than what my friends can give me right now. I suppose I am missing the attention, I have never emailed, text, ims and fb messaged so much in the last 20 months I feel lost!

Oracle

[fakename]

i met my ex on a dating site... .

after one of our extended breakups i went back and dated a bunch of girls... .i was such a mess and still thinking of her so much all those relationships were nowhere near healthy and i spent most the time drunk to get through them... .

thats just me... .

all it did was provide me with distractions, i was running from confronting my issues and the problems and my heartbreak etc... .time passed and after our last official breakup, i fought through the pain and focused on me, eventually i started thinking of her less and less... .i didnt date anyone or even think of it for like 4 months, until i felt i was truly ready and til i worked out most my issues... .

the latter is the course of action i would recommend to anyone... .no one can take away your pain but yourself and no one can give you the peace of mind you may seek but yourself... .get through the pain, recognize why you set boundaries, find your hobbies and develop a new you... .thats what i would tell myself...

and how terrible that we are so hurt by people with such irrational thinking - if you go out again i'll cheat on you again... .my ex treated me just as poorly and to think i used to want to be with her so badly... .how poorly i would treat myself... .