Cheshire's post has made me rethink everything.

[Our abuse recovery guide]

The beauty of this anonymous forum is we have all been through something we strive to make sense of. I thought I had figured out my relationship with my BPD mother. I thought "medium chill" had been my solution.  I posted that every special day was reduced to me missing being with everyone while I tried to keep her from blowing up at anyone.  It took Cheshire to point out that there is a big price.  I didn't even realize I was paying a price. Now I see that perhaps I am the one who is carefully staying behind HER boundaries.  Ever the "good daughter" I have gone from no contact to fitting nicely into her ideal of a daughter who is there to drive her when she needs something, appears to listen when she has complaints (daily and endless) and never confronts her.  How amazing to realize that I was not the one in control... .she was.  I see that my medium chill has been nothing more  than "go along to get along."  I am not in fully living the life I want to live because if I did I would not

be taking her daily phone call and listening to her long list of things and peoples she hates.  I am doing it because I hated the feeling of no contact, the stomach ache when I saw her name on my caller I.D.   I have a lot to figure out and perhaps I am no further along in the quagmire than I was the day I opened the book "Understand Your Borderline Mother."  Will this never end?  No. I know that it won't.  Damn I hate this.

[nevermore]

The beauty of this anonymous forum is we have all been through something we strive to make sense of. I thought I had figured out my relationship with my BPD mother. I thought "medium chill" had been my solution.  I posted that every special day was reduced to me missing being with everyone while I tried to keep her from blowing up at anyone.  It took Cheshire to point out that there is a big price.  I didn't even realize I was paying a price. Now I see that perhaps I am the one who is carefully staying behind HER boundaries.  Ever the "good daughter" I have gone from no contact to fitting nicely into her ideal of a daughter who is there to drive her when she needs something, appears to listen when she has complaints (daily and endless) and never confronts her.  How amazing to realize that I was not the one in control... .she was.  I see that my medium chill has been nothing more  than "go along to get along."  I am not in fully living the life I want to live because if I did I would not

be taking her daily phone call and listening to her long list of things and peoples she hates.  I am doing it because I hated the feeling of no contact, the stomach ache when I saw her name on my caller I.D.   I have a lot to figure out and perhaps I am no further along in the quagmire than I was the day I opened the book "Understand Your Borderline Mother."  Will this never end?  No. I know that it won't.  Damn I hate this.

[larmieq]

Hi Nevermore,

Be gentle with yourself.  You are doing the best you can trying to bushwhack your trail through the wilderness of BPD.

I read Cheshire's comment to you and realized I too have paid a price trying to find the trail.  I don't know how to have a relationship with our BPD's and not have it cost something.  Just what are we willing to pay?  Something I am constantly trying to evaluate.