So, I was diagnosed with a personality disorder as well?

[Rocknut]

I was in a vastly unhealthy relationship with a BPD boyfriend. During this time I was hit, choked, used for money, stolen from, constantly cursed at. He used drugs around me. The while thing was a nightmare. However , I was not able to let go. I was sure if I stuck around he would " get better."

I finally broke up with him 9 days ago. I have started therapy because my anxiety , worries, and abandonment fears have been crippling.

I talked with a therapist that agreed that my ex showed BPD like qualities. But more importantly, she diagnosed me with " dependent personality disorder."

I will have to undergo CBT. So I was a dependent personality disordered man in a relationship with a BpD man.

It has made the process of detaching easier, knowing why my feelings are so out of whack.

Is this common for people in relationships with BPD individuals?

[ShadowDancer]

Absolutely, more often than not.

[Hazelrah]

Hi Rocknut,

So sorry to hear what you went through with your boyfriend.  But kudos to you for finding the strength to leave.

As ShadowDancer affirmed, it isn't uncommon for a so-called 'non' to exhibit elements of codepency in abusive relationships.  For some, it may be the key ingredient within ourselves that keeps us tied to dysfunctional relationships in the first place. 

The good news for you is that you have walked away, and you are working with a therapist as well.  You're on the right track!

[Clearmind]

Yes - its just not written in black and white Rock - an essence of dependency and co-dependency is all through many of our threads here.

A diagnoses such as this is also dependent on gender roles and cultural expectations. Rock, try not think too much about the diagnoses but more what that means about your role in romantic relationships.

I certainly was dependent - dependent on my ex for many things - the main one - to make me happy! He couldn't which is pretty obvious to me now.

As adults we need to learn to stand independent and not need but rather contribute equally to a relationship - romantic or not.

Rock, can you see aspects of your dependency on your ex?

At 95 posts this would be a good place for you to start to process your role on the Personal Inventory board - its amazing how enlightening posting there can be.