New. No violence. No rage.

[mjn9]

My 15 year old daughter was just diagnosed with BPD. The quick reasearch and reading I'ge done here and elsewhere sound like this disease is often about rage and violence. Also about fears of being abandoned. Many readings seem to be about dealing with this.

I don't see this in my daughter though. Maybe her violence is turned inwards. She self harms, has an eating disorder, suicide ideations. We get along reasonably well in the family although this illness has been hard. She will not talk with us about her illness at all though. She does seem to have a hard time dealing with normal family squabbles. She has talked about emancipating and running away before.

I'm looking for help in dealing with that kind of behavior,  not so much the angry rage acting out violent dangerous impulsivity behaviors.

We will be trying some DBT therapy soon. She has also expressed interest in wilderness therapy but the ones I've seen seem more about those acting out type behaviors. She seems more attuned to meditation almost spiritual retreats with supervision and guidance.

Thank you for being here for us.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[nomoreoptions]

Do you have a family therapist you all trust?

We haven't gone the wilderness route, it likely wouldn't have worked for our kids, and our family therapist agrees.  But he says there are fantastic programs.

[mjn9]

No family therapist. My daughter shuts down completely in family therapy that we've tried. She has a personal therapist she trusts somewhat but not well trained for BPD I think.

[BioAdoptMom3]

Your DD sounds very much like our 14 y/o DD, but being adopted she does have fears of abandonment and rejection which effect her personal relationships.  Everything else sounds the same - eating disorders, cutting, suicide ideation and attempts, failed relationships/friendships!  Family therapy is the same for us as well - she hates it and participates very little, if at all.  Our DD is also very moody and when she is depressed, seems to want to do nothing but sleep.  She is on Prozac and Abilify, both of which seem to help in addition to weekly therapy.  We all like her therapist, but like you, I am thinking of looking for one who has experience with DBT, something I didn't know about until I joined this board!  We are sorry you need us, but glad you found us!  Raising a child with BPD is incredibly stressful and can really wreck havoc on the entire family!   

[purplemonsoon]

Your 15 y/o DD sounds very much like my 16 y/o DD who was diagnosed with BPD in June. From what Ive read there are 2 types of BPD and like your DD, ours tends to direct all her rage and anger inwards leading to self-harm, an eating disorder and suicide ideation.

I'm very new to this site too but have found the tools menu on the right a great help.

My daughter has had some DBT but it's very early days,having said that it is said to have very good outcomes.

Am thinking of you and hoping that you find a therapist skilled in DBT and that you find what your DD needs.

[mjn9]

She had about 8 sessions of DBT several months ago. As my wife says,  she attended but didn't participate. I think we will try again though.

[crumblingdad]

Earlier on before we knew our DD16 had BPD her anger and rage were inwardly focused like yours (probably around 13-14) however over time that turned and although much of it remains inward it now rears it's head outwardly as well.  Unfortunately we didn't come across BPD until 6 months ago.

I would absolutely find someone trained in DBT while your DD is open to therapy - I would also be careful about discussing her "diagnosis" of BPD and the focus of DBT too much as our daughter became resentful of the term and it seemed to increase her self loathing feelings that "something is wrong with her.'  Since the DBT was encouraged so often by many involved she became resentful of the term and has become very opposed to DBT because it's not "her idea."

Also has been much progress and clinical evidence that schema therapy is a terrific approach to BPD so may want to see if you could find someone trained and with experience in both DBT and Schema.