Back to the boards again

[me and he]

I haven't been on these boards for a long while, but lately, my husband has been increasing in crazy and paranoid behavior.  Today while I was at work, he put metal shed walls behind our headboard to protect us from whatever the neighbor has been projecting through the adjoining condo wall that's been giving him headaches for the last couple of days.  He and the neighbor have had angry words between them which escalated to a visit from the police recently but I just don't believe this guy is shooting any harmful rays at us during the night.  Unfortunately the neighbor might also has mental issues, so I feel like I'm the only sane one under this roof. 

How do you handle paranoia without becoming the enemy as well?

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[waverider]

Does it do any harm just to humor him, rather than trying to talk sense into him? Much the same way you might do a child who thinks there are monsters in the cupboard.

[KateCat]

I am familiar with this type of "self-protective behavior" as my husband is a diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic. A psychiatrist would likely tell you what waverider just has, although in a much less cute manner  :

Does it do any harm just to humor him, rather than trying to talk sense into him? Much the same way you might do a child who thinks there are monsters in the cupboard.

Don't try to talk him out of it (that would be invalidating his reality). But don't go the other route and appear to agree with his view (as that would be invalidating your reality). Interestingly, a few American psychiatrists in the 1970s tried the experiment of appearing to agree with the perceptions of their psychotic patients, in an attempt to "gain their trust" so that subsequent therapy would be better tolerated. This experiment proved unsuccessful.

I believe the best thing you can do is not draw too much attention to this strange "projection shield" and not act too alarmed over his paranoia.

I have skimmed a few of your earlier posts, and it sounds as though you probably don't have any firm diagnosis for your husband's mental health issues and he may not be interested in seeking professional help for them. If that's the case, then practicing all the self-care strategies you will find on this forum is probably your best bet.

Sorry for the creepiness factor of the "harmful rays" belief. It's a bit of a shock when it manifests itself in such a concrete way, isn't it?

[Seashells]

I whole heartedly agree with the stance of not invalidating their reality, and at the same time not agreeing.   

It may sound callous, but being you have to keep a sense of humor... .I remember times I had to leave the room while trying to do this because it was hard to keep a straight face.  (I was a lot younger then and dealing with a sibling).  I didn't know about validation then, all I knew was not to disagree with him or else. 

In regard to the schizophrenia (KateCat), I don't want to hi-jack the thread; I just feel it's extremely important to say this to anyone dealing with schizophrenia.  One word.  Clozaril.   

If it hasn't been explored, please do look into it.  I understand it's not effective in everyone.  In the case of my family member however it was literally like a miracle.  There are cognitive losses that will never be recovered; yet it made the difference between institutionalization or street living and being a productive working (yes working!) functioning member of society and a positive member of a family. 

My sibling had a hard treatment resistant case.  He is no longer symptomatic. AT ALL.  He does not drink or do illicit drugs (and he had).

People meet him and would never guess in a million years his diagnosis.  They don't believe it when they hear it.  (we don't announce it either as there's no reason to warn or advise anyone anymore, yet the old stories come up on occasion and it will be mentioned around close friends who weren't part of our lives then).   It has been this way for over 15yrs now.   

[KateCat]

Clozaril. I will remember this for future reference, Seashells. Thank you.

Interestingly enough (at least for anyone contemplating the diversity of the schizophrenic portion of the world's human population), not only is my husband able to work, but he's a six-figure kind of a guy. And also believes this other stuff. 

It seems that lots of people with psychosis can become pretty stable in middle age and beyond. The case of John Nash (the Nobel Prize winner) is a fascinating one to follow, since he comments himself on the progress of his disorder over the years.

Good for your sibling! I know he must have worked hard to maintain healthy living habits, as they make such a difference.