Three months in and feeling low again - can't work out what happened

[Vibration]

It's been three months now since we split and it's only within the last two weeks that I've really taken on the idea that the ex had BPD traits. I came to this site looking for answers after seeing him setting up a new profile displaying his leather fetish gear. It sickened me while at the same time answering lots of questions.

While there are many other signifiers of his BPD traits (the idolisation at the start of the relationship, his insecurities about the way he looked, voicing concerns of abandonment on a few occasions, telling me he got bored of people quickly and he needed new thrills like fast cars and skiiing), I'm struggling with the issue of painting me black.

We were together for seven months and towards the end of that time he started to distance himself, became less affectionate towards me and almost cold.

He would criticise me often about things I did, but never in an overtly aggressive way, it was always more of a slight, for example he didn't like the way I held the ice cream pot all of sudden one day because it meant the ice cream was melting... .he berated me for buying chopped tomatoes because he thought passata was better (What the heck!)

At the same time he gave off the impression that everything he did was perfect and so precise.

Was this abuse? Did anyone else go through something similar?

It’s left me feeling very wounded because I feel like I gave him my heart and he discarded one day by simply saying he no longer felt couply and that the spark had gone. I still feel devastated, even more so having seen his new lifestyle (maybe it was an old lifestyle that he just never told me about) and feeling like I want to be able to still to live up to his expectations.

So confused… trying to understand… wanting to move on.

[strikeforce]

Hi Vibration   Welcome to BPD Family

Mine started to distance herself near the end. Told me I wasn't coming to her birthday party, cancelling a holiday that I had booked for us etc.

I could tell she was going to dump me again.

She knew exactly what she was doing and doing it to maximize the pain.

Im sorry your going through similar Vibration, it gets better believe me. Just needs time and a little work 

[peas]

Toward the end, my ex became more critical of me. He went from slights -- "you're a bad driver" -- to outright anger at me -- "Go home if you don't like it!" He also made a comment that we should start sleeping separately because of his work schedule. He stopped texting and talking to me during the week (we had a long-distance relationship and I visited him on weekends). On my weekend visits toward the end, he made himself less available to me. He would play golf with his buddies and stay away all day.

I knew all the above spelled doom. Sure enough, he provoked a fight and I walked out. We were together seven months.

One other thing, I felt like he didn't find me attractive anymore. When we were first together, he would gaze at me and tell me how pretty I was, but when he started pulling away he stopped looking at me like that.