What did You Learn?

[Depression = 72% of members]

Life teaches us all lessons, even the relationships with BPD's give us something to learn from.  What did you learn from being a relationship with your BPD? 

I learned many things, but the main ones being:



Regardless of how many times someone says "I Love You"  or "I Could Not Live with You" or even at times what they do for you, always, always, always trust your gut.  Verify that little odd feeling you may have lingering, listen to that little person inside you saying that something is Not Right. 

I am a trustworthy person and do what I say I will.  Unfortunately some people will use that against me.  Its a shame it has to be like that, but in the real world that is just how it is.  People will take advantage of your goodness, giving, love and compassion. 

I cannot make anyone on this Earth feel any different than how they want to feel.  They will feel what they want regardless of what I do, say, how much I love them, give them, bend over backwards for them, stand up for them, etc

[ScotisGone74]

Life teaches us all lessons, even the relationships with BPD's give us something to learn from.  What did you learn from being a relationship with your BPD? 

I learned many things, but the main ones being:



Regardless of how many times someone says "I Love You"  or "I Could Not Live with You" or even at times what they do for you, always, always, always trust your gut.  Verify that little odd feeling you may have lingering, listen to that little person inside you saying that something is Not Right. 

I am a trustworthy person and do what I say I will.  Unfortunately some people will use that against me.  Its a shame it has to be like that, but in the real world that is just how it is.  People will take advantage of your goodness, giving, love and compassion. 

I cannot make anyone on this Earth feel any different than how they want to feel.  They will feel what they want regardless of what I do, say, how much I love them, give them, bend over backwards for them, stand up for them, etc

[heartandwhole]

Wise words ScotisGone74, thank you for sharing that.

I've learned that trying to earn love by being an exemplary partner leaves me taking care of someone else and not myself.

I've learned that intensity ≠ intimacy.

I've learned that I'm whole, exactly as I am, and that doesn't mean I don't want/need love and connection, too.

I've learned that the deep pain of loss can, and does, change, and that I can come out of the experience a wiser, more joyful person.

[Turkish]

Wise words ScotisGone74, thank you for sharing that.

I've learned that trying to earn love by being an exemplary partner leaves me taking care of someone else and not myself.

The problem with mine (ok, my relationship) is that she wanted me to do both. That I needed to advocate for myself more. I thought I did. An outside friend noticed sublty that when our relationship dynamic changed a little from less of a father-daughter one when I started standing up for myself more and making decisions... .  it correlated with my X wanting to go out more, with us, with her friends... .then WAY out as she did with another. Words don't mean squat. Actions do.

I've learned that intensity ≠ intimacy.

Would that many BPDs could realize this. It's the differnence between a 2 dimensional relationship versus one that is three dimensional.

I've learned that I am a much stronger person than I ever thought I was. And that my X is so much more disordered and fragile than I realized even after years of being with her. She thinks she is, based on what she writes and says, but as friend of mine said, pretty much after he met her for the first time, "she thinks she's way smarter than she really is."

How true.