Dreams with xBPD? Interpretations?

[bruisedbattered]

 Dream: I walked into a convenience store to buy some gum, and my exBPDgf was working behing the counter with her huge, evil smile.  As I approached the counter, she pulled out a pack of condoms and laughed saying these were her and my replacements favourites, and that I shouldnt worry because they are doubliing up... i.e wearing 2 at a time.   I then laughed, and walked out of the store feeling amused, and sorry for her/him...    I woke up shortly after that, and had a good laugh...

Interpretation:

I think im healing, and this is evident in the dream.  I think my subconsious finally got the message that she was indeed very dangerous to my mental/physical well being.

Interested in hearing your dreams, funny, sad, angry etc...

[MJistiredofBS]

My dream was long and involved a whole lot of friends that we have in common.  He was trying to kiss me, coax me into coming back to him, make me feel sorry for him, then the dream changed to me seeing him with another woman in his lap.  I attacked them both, which is crazy.  Told her he has herpes in front of a room full of people, and also said I escaped without getting it, hope that you are as lucky as me.  She walks out, leaves him and everyone sitting with their mouths open, then he starts to attack me.  I literally shook myself awake trying to get away from him. 

I know the reason I am having such anxious dreams, because I recently revealed info that is going to make him crazy.  I am really torn about having revealed the info, I know what he has done to others is wrong, but I question my own motivation for revealing it.  Yes, the people asked me and I didn't hand anything over right away, but now I think I just wanted some revenge for what he has done to me.  Part of me feels sorry for the little boy trapped in a man's body, the other part wants to reveal the evil deeds in the light.  Since escaping from the situation, I've been made aware from numerous people that I was not the first to suffer at his hands. 

At this point, the can of worms has already been opened, and my anxiety about what might happen next has led to these crazy kind of dreams.  It was so real, and I never dream, it really shook me up.

[bruisedbattered]

wow, crazy dream.  I dont think you should feel guilty for anything, because you know he doesnt/wont.  al least you recognize that you could have handled things differently, leave it at that.    Ive been having many crazy dreams, I kind of enjoy them   our subconscious speaks to us in our dreams, always been into interpretations.

[Regular_Joe]

For a long time after the breakup, I used to have recurring, vivid nightmares about my exBPD. Although there were a handful of different narratives, after awhile I realized a common thread among all of them: utter helplessness in the face of infidelity, raging, and other BPD behavioral shenanigans. Not surprisingly, it wasn't until I started letting go of my anger and refusing to be a "victim" that they finally subsided.

Absolutely the worst. Dreams. Ever. Glad my subconscious could "do its thing" and "work out the kinks" so to speak, but day-um. Once is enough, thanks

[MJistiredofBS]

It is amazing that even though I escaped that the SOB can still visit me in my dreams, ... .  I know I shouldn't feel guilty, but he conditioned me to feel that way, to feel sorry for poor pitiful him.  Then the angry side of me says, this SOB devastated me financially, exposed me to an STD and kept it a secret for 8 months, lied repeatedly, cheated repeatedly, blamed me repeatedly, isolated me from others, controlled my life, twisted religion to pretend to be someone he isn't, ran me down to anyone who would listen, and lied to and stole from good unsuspecting people.  At this point, I know I will never even entertain the idea of being with him again, but my mind is going crazy wondering what is gonna happen next.  As soon as he figures out that I provided damning information to his clients, he is going to do something drastic.  I just know it in my gut.  I am pretty much protected at home and work etc., but my mind keeps going what is he going to do when he finds out.   I've always been a little afraid of him because of the knowledge that he knows I have.  I have confronted him in the past about what I considered theft, of course, he sugar-coated it and called it "late profit".  I also have a jump drive with a whole bunch of pics on it that I felt to be highly inappropriate, yet nothing illegal, and those pics are all of his ex gfs daughters.  The level of craziness of what he knows that I know seems to me to be one of the primary reasons he kept me around as long as he did.  He is scared of losing his wealth, because that is the only thing he has ever truly loved.

[bruisedbattered]

Have you considered filing for a restraining order?  Sounds like it could be a very good ideal!   Better safe, than sorry. could help put your mind at ease also.

[MJistiredofBS]

He has a whole lot of experience with court proceedings, because he's been in numerous crazy relationships that all ended badly.  He hasn't contacted me, and he also has some angry emails from me and texts too that he could use to turn things around.  I'm in the south, I know how to protect myself, and I have a neighbor who is aware of the situation and also can't stand him, not to mention my relatives in the area.  He isn't bold enough to actually come here and risk it... .or at least I don't think he is, I'm kinda worried he might end up hurting himself when he has to pay for his actions.  Its just the uncertainty of the proverbial sh!t hitting the fan that has me anxious I guess.  At one point, I was isolated from friends and family, that's no longer the case.

[Jbt857]

I go through phases. Mostly, I don't remember my dreams. When he and I went through bad times, id have nightmares that he cheated or was leaving and wake up sobbing hysterically.

Now, the dreams seem to be a precursor to a bad patch. I have more of the same abandonment/cheating dreams and then seem to get stuck in a bad patch. The dreams are so vivid. They seem to be a trigger, rather than a reaction for me.

[redbaron5]

At least your exBPD is using condoms, mine overlapped with my replacement and no condoms were involved, that and about 10 other coke heads from a small ski town in Colorado behind my back.

[Regular_Joe]

Just one more thing I wanted to share; I remember when these nightmares occured one thing that messed with my head when I was awake was the realization that my exBPD could never understand the pain and distress I'd been experiencing. Knowing she will never be capable of empathy was one of the most heartbreaking realizations about her disorder that was difficult for me to come to grips with. This poem helped a little:


Is it thy will thy image should keep open

My heavy eyelids to the weary night?

Dost thou desire my slumbers should be broken,

While shadows like to thee do mock my sight?

Is it thy spirit that thou send’st from thee

So far from home into my deeds to pry,

To find out shames and idle hours in me,

The scope and tenure of thy jealousy?

O no, thy love, though much, is not so great,

It is my love that keeps mine eye awake,

Mine own true love that doth my rest defeat,

To play the watchman ever for thy sake.

For thee watch I, whilst thou dost wake elsewhere,

From me far off, with others all too near.

[CdnSunrise]

I've had many disturbing dreams, especially right after the end of my relationship with BPDexh, but thankfully I can't remember them. I usually wake up feeling terrible but can't exactly remember why.

The most memorable and striking dream that I've had was before I left him -- in the dream, he had died, and I felt NOTHING. I didn't cry or feel anything I just said "oh well" and carried on like nothing had happened. I woke up and felt so guilty! I was incredibly numb at the end of our relationship -- 15 years of it just about killed me, emotionally speaking.

[bruisedbattered]

I've had many disturbing dreams, especially right after the end of my relationship with BPDexh, but thankfully I can't remember them. I usually wake up feeling terrible but can't exactly remember why.

The most memorable and striking dream that I've had was before I left him -- in the dream, he had died, and I felt NOTHING. I didn't cry or feel anything I just said "oh well" and carried on like nothing had happened. I woke up and felt so guilty! I was incredibly numb at the end of our relationship -- 15 years of it just about killed me, emotionally speaking.

ouch 15 years... .  cant imagine

[Changed4safety]

My therapist said that this was simply my subconscious working through things, they really don't have any meaning other than that. 

What I found fun (yes fun!) was that as I healed, the dreams CHANGED.  I was no longer frightened and terrorized by him in the dreams.  I started to roll my eyes at him when he screamed at me and say things I would never have dared to.  Nothing mean, just blunt.  Finding my voice. Other times, I would walk in on him cheating on me (right in the middle of the act) and listen to him try to explain and then just shake my head and walk out, sighing--completely unaffected. 

It was awesome.  I hope those of you who are enduring these dreams get to have this.  Regardless, let them flow through you, and they will eventually change or stop.

[heartandwhole]

The last dream I had about us was about a year ago.  I'll spare you the details, but it was a short dream, very sweet, although in the dream, pwBPD was nervous and I was being protective.  At one point he asked me a banal question and I answered, but it came out wrong/silly. Well, everything got silent, because we both literally collapsed on the floor– you know that laughter that takes a couple of seconds because you actually aren't breathing at first?  Once the breath came in, I laughed so hard that I woke myself up, and I was laughing out loud in my bed.

What a difference from the emotions I had experienced in the r/s, and in other dreams.  It felt so great to physically laugh.

[snappafcw]

Its interesting... .When the breakup first happened I dreamed that My ex girlfriend was cheating on me constantly... .Either that or she was being very cold very cruel... .In the months on as I was healing I sometimes dreamed of her some more but the dreams were either pleasant or indifferent. A couple of nights ago I had another horrible nightmare the memories of it are patchy but its shaken me up a little. Its 10 months out I really wish things didn't bother me still. One more interesting thing is when I first started dating my ex I dreamed that she was cold, cruel and ignoring me... .This was during the idealization phase and well before I knew anything about BPD. I just wonder now if that was gods way of trying to warn me... .

[laelle]

She brags about a new partner and tells you that she is using two condoms, while reassuring you that its safe.

or

BPD moves on to to new partner

One condom desensitizes intimacy and pleasure, and she is telling you it is x2

She assures you that she has not changed and this new guy is business as usual.

More or less that is my take on it... .unless you are truly worried about actual pregnancy or STD's for her?

When I dream of my ex he is always pulling away, raging, and just short of leaving me.  I keep trying to get him into bed, but he feels nothing.

[SurvivedLove]

I've had a dream about my udBPDex.

A bunch of people we both know, some both online and offline were in it too. We were all at a summer vacation style place at a huge weekend party thing.

I walked into a room to sit quietly on a bed for a bit, giving my ears and head a short rest from the music and all the chatter at the party. My ex comes into the room and sits next to me on the bed. He starts talking to me, telling me how much he regrets everything he said and did, how he's felt empty all the time I've been out of reach (as in offline from where he'd usually be able to at least keep an eye on me from afar) and how it made him see that all he wanted to do was love me.

And this is where the dream started to differ from all other dreams I've had about him in the 1½ years since he dumped me.

Instead of even considering giving him another chance, I replied. I gave him all the reasons why it would be a really bad idea for us to be together ever again. I told him about the patterns that I was too blind to see during our relationship and how I had finally started to see them 6 months after, while I was considering if there was a foundation for giving things another chance, how I again saw him repeat them, mirroring my phrases, favorite words and silly petnames for things etc. I told him how the trust I used to have in him wasn't just broken, but pulverized and how it, literally, nearly had cost me my life (a heart attack right after newyears this year) to be close to him, how my body had reacted by crashing after I walked away from him in December last year and how these things (and many more which I also calmly elaborated on) were reasons enough for me to say no thanks. Not once while I said these things did I raise my voice or sound angry, but rather regretful and sad, though aware and clear.

I told him that part of me would probably always love the man I fell in love with, but that I knew that man to be something he'd never be able to consistently be, unless he'd look into DBT and other forms of therapy and work on himself for X amount of years.

He asked me if I'd consider it, if he got started with DBT, if I'd be there for him through it and at least consider being with him after.

I said no. Lovingly and with tears in my eyes I said no. He started crying and reached for my hand. I pulled my hand away, then put it forward again to pat the back of his hand and said "You'll be alright, you were before I loved you and you'll be again. But you'll never be happy unless you seek treatment for yourself and I think I deserve more than what you can give me."

That made him cry even harder and then I woke up.

The only thing I felt when I woke up was a deep sadness.

I didn't cry. I didn't miss him. I didn't long for anything from him, not even for the good times, the idealization phase. All I felt was that in my dream, I had finally gotten to say all the things that I'll never be able to say to him in reality, because he'll twist and turn them so they fit into how HE wants to use them, rather than facing facts that this is how I feel. And I was relieved. Incredibly relieved and incredibly sad.

I have cried a lot since then. But I have also slept better and more than 2 hours at a time at night, I have had more (not a LOT more, but a bit more) energy than I've had since we started dating back then and it feels like I can make it through this without having to remain hateful and angry to stop myself from doubting my decision to walk away. It finally feels like I can make it to a place where I reach acceptance and understanding, not only of him, but also of myself and my part in it all.

It does hurt, but it's a good kind of pain, if that makes sense.

It's a pain that I'll pick any day, over the pain of doubting my decision, over swaying back and forth between pondering trying again and wanting him to fall off the face of the planet.

It feels like I finally let the residual love I felt for him go. And I'll be OK, someday.

[CdnSunrise]

Wow, that's amazing SurvivedLove! Thanks for sharing. It sounds like a very healing dream. And you will be fine, maybe a lot sooner than you think! This dream was probably a big step toward that. Like my T likes to tell me, the tears are healing (it's taking me a long time to cry all the tears I'd held in for years).