Story of her ex

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

hey,

I'm still maintaining NC but occasionally I still catch myself while thinking about her. Maybe spitting my thoughts here will help me forget or at least remember what kind of person she is.

I remember couple of days after we met she said that her last ex disappeared without a word. They have been together for more than 4 years, got engaged and then boom he packs his stuff while she was away and disappears. She said he took everything, appending to her he was in a "rage" mode and he even unseam patches from her coat and erased her name from every work they did together. She said this was because he had someone and he didn't have balls to face her.

Apparently 5 months before he took off his brother tried to punch her because she was drinking alcohol at night in his apartment with unknown male (apparently he called his brother to the rescue) - she did similar thing to me to punish me for not living together. She presented it as it was a normal behavior to drink at night with another male in the same apartment where your boyfriend lives.   

The story gets even more confusing. Her ex still contacts her through calls/text/email and his messages vary from hate to I kinda miss you - appending to her he wants her to suffer.  She said she hates him but she was unable to break the contact and she still reads everything he writes and even cries from time to time. I remember that he came uninvited to her place one day while we were together. I was away and didn't know why suddenly I got the silent treatment she then said her ex came. She stated that she wants him to state that he is nothing without her but on the other hand she was angry that he haven't even tried to "kiss her". After that she was angry at me for being not supportive (needless to say I was pissed about this entire situation). That time I thought her ex was an real a-hole but right now I am not so sure.


Apparently her first boyfriend tried to punch her too I have no idea why. I remember he also wanted to re-engage with her while we were together but apparently she said no and he stated that she is a "terrible person" especially when she is with someone (me) and she still hangs out with him. She asked me "am I really a terrible person?" it was so childish as she didn't understand the situation.

To be honest I have no idea if one can understand this craziness, it is not logical for me. I am still confused, I feel like I am the main character in The Truman Show. Does it make any sense to any of you, is there anything that can be understood her? If her boyfriend decided to disappear (go full NC) why the hell is he still writing?

Sorry for writing all this hopefully one day I will forgot she ever existed.

 

[zordon11]

hey,

I'm still maintaining NC but occasionally I still catch myself while thinking about her. Maybe spitting my thoughts here will help me forget or at least remember what kind of person she is.

I remember couple of days after we met she said that her last ex disappeared without a word. They have been together for more than 4 years, got engaged and then boom he packs his stuff while she was away and disappears. She said he took everything, appending to her he was in a "rage" mode and he even unseam patches from her coat and erased her name from every work they did together. She said this was because he had someone and he didn't have balls to face her.

Apparently 5 months before he took off his brother tried to punch her because she was drinking alcohol at night in his apartment with unknown male (apparently he called his brother to the rescue) - she did similar thing to me to punish me for not living together. She presented it as it was a normal behavior to drink at night with another male in the same apartment where your boyfriend lives.   

The story gets even more confusing. Her ex still contacts her through calls/text/email and his messages vary from hate to I kinda miss you - appending to her he wants her to suffer.  She said she hates him but she was unable to break the contact and she still reads everything he writes and even cries from time to time. I remember that he came uninvited to her place one day while we were together. I was away and didn't know why suddenly I got the silent treatment she then said her ex came. She stated that she wants him to state that he is nothing without her but on the other hand she was angry that he haven't even tried to "kiss her". After that she was angry at me for being not supportive (needless to say I was pissed about this entire situation). That time I thought her ex was an real a-hole but right now I am not so sure.


Apparently her first boyfriend tried to punch her too I have no idea why. I remember he also wanted to re-engage with her while we were together but apparently she said no and he stated that she is a "terrible person" especially when she is with someone (me) and she still hangs out with him. She asked me "am I really a terrible person?" it was so childish as she didn't understand the situation.

To be honest I have no idea if one can understand this craziness, it is not logical for me. I am still confused, I feel like I am the main character in The Truman Show. Does it make any sense to any of you, is there anything that can be understood her? If her boyfriend decided to disappear (go full NC) why the hell is he still writing?

Sorry for writing all this hopefully one day I will forgot she ever existed.

 

[Ironmanrises]

She was telling you he disappeared and found someone else because she is the one who disappeared on him. She said he raged at her and took everything from her and erased himself from everything because she raged at him and did all of that to him. She wasn't going to tell you that she did all of those things because she split herself white and in turn split him black otherwise she would have had to split herself black, and her maladaptive coping mechanisms were not going to allow that to happen. So presto, he was to blame. And she was the victim. And you came along. Confusing? That is the paradox of hell in trying understand this f¥ck awful disorder and all its attendant dysfunctional destructive behavior.

Her boyfriend went NC to try and protect himself. He is writing to her because in his mind, he is trying to find closure. She will not tell you any of that. He may very well be on this forum!

Hang in there.

[zordon11]

Hey,

I have talked to her roommate back in the day and apparently her ex really disappeared but for me right now it seems like a reaction to "i can't take it anymore it is time to save myself". I guess he needed to do this while she was away because otherwise she would manipulate him or steal his stuff (like she did with me). She stated that she didn't know why he did this and later he said to "fight for him". Whatever this means.

But it has been almost 3 years since they spitted and still he was unable to figure there will be no closure?

When we were breaking up I apologized her for saying "you have BPD" and stated I did it to burn the bridges down. She replied like nothing happened "even if I have BPD you will still miss me and regret that you are not with me". Pure craziness.

[Surnia]

Hi zordon11

Yes, all this is very confusing and not to grasp with logic!

So I would recommend you to let the ex be the ex of your ex. 

You are gaining more out to all this to focus on yourself, on detaching and doing healthy things.

it will come a time you will be just not interested anymore to think about the messy rs of other people. 

[zordon11]

Hi zordon11

Yes, all this is very confusing and not to grasp with logic!

So I would recommend you to let the ex be the ex of your ex. 

You are gaining more out to all this to focus on yourself, on detaching and doing healthy things.

it will come a time you will be just not interested anymore to think about the messy rs of other people. 

Yeah I know it is useless to occupy your mind with those things. I guess I just wanted to find logic where there is no logic. On the other hand I realized I am "caregiver" and I need to work on it otherwise I will attract the same type of people.

[Surnia]

It took me a while too to recognize that there is no sense or logic in it. Nothing I could control. Once I accepted that it got better.

On the other hand I realized I am "caregiver" and I need to work on it otherwise I will attract the same type of people.