Getting better but now feeling the damage done

[tomjon78]

I´ve been posting here since last spring about my break up with BPD ex. I have been through a lot of effort getting out of that chaos. It took a lot of effort, therapy sessions, self censoring, posting here And I am doing a lot of things to make me feel better but last weeks I´m just feeling that I am sort of "emotionally injured" What do I mean by that:

I´m over her even though I miss the good times now and then.

I know it was never going to work

My self confidence is low

I´m so tired of "trying to be happy"

Find it hard to attach to women at all.

Feeling alone

Wanting to be happy and anxious about my future

Just really tired. I wonder how emotional strain like this can take it´s toll on a person. I´m so proud of myself getting out but it´s like being in a rs. like this really f--ks you up. Does anyone relate to these kind of feelings i´m going through?

Any advice or experience would be nice to have   

[Waifed]

I´ve been posting here since last spring about my break up with BPD ex. I have been through a lot of effort getting out of that chaos. It took a lot of effort, therapy sessions, self censoring, posting here And I am doing a lot of things to make me feel better but last weeks I´m just feeling that I am sort of "emotionally injured" What do I mean by that:

I´m over her even though I miss the good times now and then.

I know it was never going to work

My self confidence is low

I´m so tired of "trying to be happy"

Find it hard to attach to women at all.

Feeling alone

Wanting to be happy and anxious about my future

Just really tired. I wonder how emotional strain like this can take it´s toll on a person. I´m so proud of myself getting out but it´s like being in a rs. like this really f--ks you up. Does anyone relate to these kind of feelings i´m going through?

Any advice or experience would be nice to have  

I couldn't have described myself any better than your post. I am almost 4 months out.  I am pretty sure it is depression but I feel exactly like what you have stated. I still have days where the thought of her is unbearable and I don't think I can go on, but what are your options. I think the holidays also make things more difficult. Things will get better.

[fromheeltoheal]

Hi tomjon-

What you're feeling is normal.  I was diagnosed with PTSD after I left her, not surprising after extreme emotional, psychological and some physical abuse.  I spent some time burying myself in work, spent some time drinking, both just avoidance and not healing.  Then I lightened up on the drinking and work slowed down, so the feelings showed up again, feelings I couldn't really name, I just didn't feel 'good'; very tired, sleeping a lot, weird body aches and pains, sore joints, just blah.

It's starting to wane, I left her a little over a year ago, and I've found what works best is to get the big three in order: diet, sleep, exercise, do what I need to do, act with integrity and don't create any wreckage, really just put one foot in front of the other.  I was very humbled by the experience, and that has allowed me to get closer to some friends and slow down; moving fast has always been a way I've used to avoid.

Our body knows what's right, and instead of me ignoring it and moving on, I'm listening to it, treating myself like a friend who got beat up and needs to be taken care of.  The only useless pain is the pain we don't learn from, so I'm learning these lessons, I don't see a borderline getting anywhere with me next time, in fact I'm completely out of tolerance for any female bullsht, and that's something I'm working on moving forward, but it's a whole lot better than naive.

Take care of you!

[Kadee]

I've been separated from my ustbxBPDh for 10 months, after 34 years of marriage. In the space of that 10 months, I've been laid off, had major surgery to remove a mass in my chest (thank God benign), got a new job (the day after surgery), and had a detached retina. I am only now beginning to be able to deal with the failed marriage and escape from all that living with this BPD for years and years caused to my self esteem.

All these other problems have had a great purpose. I am capable. I can make life work on my own, even through great trial.

So now, all those feelings you described, plus trying to heal from this major surgery, learning a new job... all that leaves me drained some days. I hold tight to my faith and seek wisdom, I read Proverbs over and over.

I am my own best friend now. It takes a great deal of effort to think kindly of myself after so many years of being degraded and told I'm unworthy.

Hang in there. I, for one, believe there is a beautiful light at the end of our tunnels.

[Bananas]

Hi tomjon,

I think we signed up here around the same time and like others have written, I can totally relate to what you wrote.  I am 8.5 months out.  What is helping me right now is to just take each day as it comes, not to worry too much about the future.  I try to make each day the best I can, but not beat myself up to much on the "trying to be happy part".  If I want to have a sad day I just let myself.  It seems as once I take the pressure off "being happy" it comes naturally if that makes sense.  I think it just takes time.  So as awful as I feel some days I just keep pushing myself forward.

Would you say you are having more good days than bad?  That to me is progress.

I think what we are feeling is very normal for what we have been through. 

[heartandwhole]

I´m over her even though I miss the good times now and then.

I know it was never going to work

My self confidence is low

I´m so tired of "trying to be happy"

Find it hard to attach to women at all.

Feeling alone

Wanting to be happy and anxious about my future

Just really tired. I wonder how emotional strain like this can take it´s toll on a person. I´m so proud of myself getting out but it´s like being in a rs. like this really f--ks you up. Does anyone relate to these kind of feelings i´m going through?

Yes, tomjon78, I relate.  This relationship and the breakup really did a number on me.  My own behavior did a number on me. I was depressed, wasn't even "trying" to be happy, as you mention... .physical symptoms, anxious about my future.  Check, check, check.

With time and therapy and TLC I am feeling better emotionally than I have in years, even before I met pwBPD.  I never thought that was possible, wasn't even hoping for it.  But things change. 

We change.   

Don't despair if you feel a setback.  Grieving is in stages, but not linear, and this is all normal and part of the process.   

[Tincup]

I can also totally relate here.  You just get worn out.  I was expending so much energy doing relationship analysis after it ended that I was exhausted.  Along with this every time I woke up at night my brain would start running and I couldn't go back to sleep.  I had strange and weird dreams which didn't help.  I have tightness in my shoulders and back from stress.  I know I just need to let go of things and I would get better.  That is what I am working on now. 

But I have no urge for a new relationship.  Women right now repulse me.  I look at them and wonder how screwed up they are (false stereotype I know).  I at looked at trying online dating but just plain don't want to put any work into these women right now.  I don't think I am depressed, just really worn out.