Bobbo
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 16
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« on: December 09, 2013, 11:45:55 AM » |
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I've posted this on the new members forum already, but wanted to get more people thoughts on my situation, all input is welcome.
Hi all,
I really am not quite sure where to begin, but I shall try, firstly my ex-gf has not been diagnosed with PBD, but after doing my own research and relating to other people stories on here I feel fairly certain she has.
So a little background, please bare with me:
A lttile over 3 years ago me and the ex met, in a short time she got pregnant and everything was great, then slowly but surely she started creating distance until one day she broke up with me over text, deleted me off FB and refused to talk to me, for absolutely no reason, after telling me she loved me etc.
At this time I got very depressed and low, and couldnt understand how the most amazing girl could just turn from loving me to feeling like I was the most hated person in the world, at first I thought it was because I was too nice and she wanted a bad guy figure, so I made the decision of acting like I didnt care in the hope it would make her change her mind, it didnt.
Fast foward to the last year and we had be getting on as friends really well, our son I have twice a week, and gradually as we spoke more and more she began to open up to me about her past.
She told me she used to feel angry all the time for no reason, she was just angry at the World, she also spoke of being admitted to hospital by her Dad as they feared she was going to commit suicide, but she was in a much better place these days and wouldnt consider suicide because of our son.
She also liked to drive fast when she was younger, but again because of our son she has calmed her driving down and become more responsible.
She also apologised for the way she treated me when she was pregnant, and she will always feel guilty for that, but she said she just couldnt shake the idea that I would abandon her, no matter what she did the thought wouldnt leave her head so she left first.
Now we started seeing eachother over the last 5 months and everything was amazing, I felt like I was complete, I was with the girl I love, she loved me and we were a complete family, she told me she wanted to be my wife and have more children with me and she really wanted us to work and she would do whatever it takes to make us work because thats what you do when you are in a relationship, so you can imagine, I was on top of the World.
Now part of her request was that I tell her whenever I see the ex-girlfriend, which was fine, didnt think anything of it, so I agreed. However about 8 weeks ago, I bumped into the ex and had a brief "hey how are you" chat, I didn't think anything of this and actually forgot all about it, but a mutual friend of mine and the ex-BPD saw this and wasnt aware me and the ex were no longer together... .about three weeks ago this mutual friend saw my ex-BPD, and said he saw me and the ex chatting just a few weeks ago, this of course led my ex-BPD gf to blow up, she called me at 3:30Am yelling down the phone calling me a liar and that she was done and she can't trust me, I tried to explain I had just forgot and it meant nothing. This was on Sunday morning.
Any way, in the week I drop my boy back to hers and the atmosphere is frosty, eventually we start talking, which inevitably led to a flair up, she told me to get out of her house and give her house key back, which I refused to do and said I am not leaving until we sort this out, to which she seem to not know what to do, but we continued talking and somehow the conversation went on to how she wanted me to spend more special time with our son, which I thought was strange considering it was completely unrelated to what we were arguing about, but I thought we cleared the air and we even hugged at the end.
A few days later I knew she was out so I went round hers and left her a letter I wrote apologising which I thought was really nice, she text me later that day saying she loved the letter and that she does love me and she does want to be with me, but there is nothing I can do, she just needs some time to clear her head so she can go into this relationship positively, so I agreed to give her some space.
A few more days passed and we were texting friendly and she was sending me kisses on the end of texts, so 4 days after she asked for space I text her asking if she had given us anymore thought as I was really missing her, she replied straight away saying "You need to prioritise your son above everything else including me" with no kiss on the end, now I know when there is no kiss on the end that she is upset, so I replied obviously my son is my priority.
So I pick my son up from nursery on the friday and the nursery lady asks me to remind my ex-pbd that our sons consultation is on Monday, I was like ok, So Monday comes around and she hasnt mentioned anything to me about this consultation, so in the afternoon I text her saying I want to come to the consultation, she replies "meet me there than", I then reply "Sure, and we also need to talk about us", her reply was "I'm going out", I replied we still need to talk about us, again she replies "Well i'm going out sorry", So the consultation goes fine, son's doing well. as we leave the ex-BPD walks in front of me, doesnt turn round, doesnt look at me and goes straight to her car, I say "Have a good night", she just gets in car and drives off", in frustration I sent her a text saying "How can you just completely change who you are towards me?" I got no reply.
I spoke to my mum about this strange behaviour and she said maybe she has a split personality, this made me think and I googled, and stumbled upon so many other peoples stories of distance and coldness and irrational behaviour and how it linked into BPD, i matched 6 of the criteria out of the 9 to my ex-BPD and suddenly light bulbs starting going off in my head and realisation, granted it's been hard to accept she maybe ill, but it also made me have alot more answers to my questions.
That leads us to this week, I've had to drop my son off at her friends house, Im assuming this is so she doesnt have to face talking to me in a one to one situation, the first day she didnt look at me, turned away from me, the next time she said "Thank you, see you later" which as sad as it was gave me hope.
I then a few days later sent her what I thought was a really nice message explaining that I know she is hurting but I will always be there for her and basically I tried to validate her feelings, but foolishly I also told her I knew what and how she was probably feeling, she sent a nasty replied back saying she wants absolutely nothing to do with me, she cant trust me, she tried but I let her down and to stop texting her and to leave her alone, I replied saying I am not giving up on us, she didnt reply and im pretty sure she has blocked me on a messaging service.
I also think her mum and brother have BPD.
Soo basically, I've been painted black for the last week I guess, tho that said she during the last week she did still have a picture of us up and she hasnt asked for her house key back which she normally does (holding on to hope arent I!) tho I dont know if the picture is still up anymore.
I guess what I really want to know is, how long will she hate me, can you use S.E.T while they hate you?
Obviously a lot of people will say run, but I don't want to run, you wouldnt turn your back on someone who had cancer, I'm not turning my back on her, not yet, I guess im living in the hope that I will turn white again and we can have a relationship and support her through this and go to therapy and create stable relationships for me and her and her and her son in the future.
Also do I leave her alone, and how can I if I have to see twice her every week?
Or should I keep letting her know every few days that im here for her even tho she asked to be left alone, as I read from someone with BPD that although they say that, they dont really mean it?
How can you win back trust if they say they don't trust you? :-(
Sorry for the long post, just I really need support and advice on this one.
I've also bought the book "I hate you... dont leave me", anything I can do to fix this I will.
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