Fading away...

[blurry]

 Well, its basically 4 months since the breakup when I last saw her. Went through two "over the phone" recycles without having seen her, and I have to say, its getting easier each day. Kinda starting to get that dread feeling of an imminent recycle attempt due to having NC for almost 3 weeks, usually she wont go much longer than a month, but I'm prepared to ignore, or at least stick to.my guns about her having 6 months therapy before ill consider seeing her again.

It helped last year and its helping again, really find that some dating helps the moving on process, not saying its for everyone, and I'm just starting now that its 4 months out, but really helps remind you that even if the dates don't go further than a first date, that there's way too many women out there to let yourself go through BPD hell.

Add in the fact I work 4 days and 6 nights, and its just getting easier from staying busy and having faith that time heals, which it has been a tiny little more each day.

Next I gotta get in the gym somehow, and if I can get this whole routine together, I'm really optimistic about the future. Hope this helps some people out there who might be in the horrible immediate aftermath of a breakup with a BPD loved one. I'm really getting close to ambivalence as to whether I ever hear from her again. Not sure thoughts will ever fully be gone but I'm hopeful.

[heartandwhole]

Great news, blurry, I'm glad you shared it.  If you are feeling this good at 4 months, just wait until 6, 8, one year!

Keep focusing on your healing and what you want and indeed, with time, this drama will continue to "fade away... ."

Congrats.   

[Changingman]

This is great news, love reading this. I'm nearly 5 months out and have found myself starting to like it. Crazy is still a trigger for me and still feel some anger at times, but I should. Spent some time with a girl last week and was chuckling to myself how a normal person is. Kind acts felt unusual, calm and peace seemed almost Buddhist, niceness seemed nurturing, thoughtfulness seemed almost alien.

Had to stop myself thinking she was a angel, compared to the demon that my ex was. She was 'normal', that's all, just normal. With all the good and bad stuff we all have, balanced into a whole person.

Sense of who she was, moral compass, funny, passionate but not crackers. I'm not describing a new RS, just awareness of the world outside of messed up.

It's alright, maybe a whole lot better

Not so foggy in here now, ha!