day 2. since we talked

[thesculptor]

ok... .well its day 2. there is a lot to my story. but its just day 2. i know christmas is around the corner. ... .and well my birthday is the 31st of december.

anyhow... someone asked why i got arrested, as thats one of the highlights of our story .

one day i had just come back from a business event. she had come with me. we were bonding just great.

i was eating off a napkin as to not dirty her precious dishes. she says, out of no where.

" i need space. "

and well... .it was her way of pushing me awey, i had driven 30 mins to see here that day. i was tired. i was not used to such a yo yo.

anyhow i rush out of the apartment, but i forget my home.

when i drove back i knew she was gonna try and manipulate me to stay.

so she taunted me from inside her house. frustrated i broke down her door. she wanted me to fix it. but i was so pissed.

anyhow. she called the cops. the cops said i had turned off the phone on her. anyhow... .the next day she confirmed i hadn't done anything i fixed her door etc. anyhow. yeah... .

moving forward. we broken up every week since than practically she just gets weird. i get weird to perhaps. we don't see each other for a few days. anyhow. she will criticize my dancing, saying its not good enough. its just annoying you know? i buy her a drink, i pay for me to enter the club, and she critisices. her dad often sides with her, saying she needs a more understanding man. a man that doesn't take what she says seriously.

but its stuff like, " i need a real man, " " i need a man to support me and me be a stay at home wife" just sets the bar way high, while being unsupportive mainly. she has her moments of support, but they don't often follow through.

i mean she made turkey this thanksgiving, and we had a great time, i mean awesome passion even that evening. when she had gotten to drunk and high to orgasm, or perhaps cuz she had masturbated all week? i don't know... .after 2 hours of trying to get her to climax, and i mean effort. here. she went to bed, the by 6:30 in the morning, she was saying f***k me... .

when i was just to spent, she was like, " I need some new d***K " i need a new man. "  that day cuz she had spent thanksgiving so well with me. i tried to talk her down, as i had read, " i hate you don't, leave me: i tried.

at 4 in the morning that day. after a day of put downs, she says, " am i gonna get d***K? " i mean, my body was responding, but emotionally i was not there.

She had even this girl friend, that was a past lesbian partner of hers. this girl was always trying to touch her, my girlfriend would keep her around, because in her own words, she wanted someone to "work for her, when and how she pleased. "

this last week she agreed to not kick me out of her place anymore. but anyhow, after laying in bed, after what was a great day the day before. she starts with,

after i tell her i can't remember my dreams... .she says

" thats sad you don't remember your dreams, I like men with big imaginations. "

"maybe you should get up less to pee in the night" (because i may get up 1-3 times a night to pee)

she carries on for 10 minutes on this topic.

anyhow.

I ask her, " where is my tshirt by the way? "

she says, " i threw it away, it was a ugly shirt"

i swallow hard, trying to keep my composure.

anyhow... .i switch the subject, i say ... ." lets decorate the christmas tree"

she says nah, ... .

i get up to do it. .

anyhow i start decorating, and she says  ... .you need to move the table."

now from any other person, this would be fine, but i felt, and thought, oh hit, shes about to start with the criticisms.

she says, "if your gonna be grumpy, you may as well leave"

after hearing that said in 100 different ways since knowing her ...

i say, " I'm just gonna shut up and leave. "

i do... .she later starts texting me ... .saying I'm over reacting. and granted from a normal person, i think i may have just a tad, but i knew where it was going... .at least I'm pretty sure i knew.

anyhow... .after enough pleading me to come back i do... .when i get there shes moody.

i decorate the tree. and she needs to study for a final.

she starts saying, " shut up, just shut up... ." I'm basically warming up my coffee. i really dislike her tone about now.

anyhow ... .

i leave, cuz after all her effort to get me back... .she is so disrespectful and rude... like she calls me back just to be a punching bag. anyhow... .

i leave ... .she texts me come back. ... .im sorry ... .

i go back, shes crying. I'm pissed about now for all this insanity that I'm actually doing, i feel like a hiting fool for caring and being treated like dirt.

anyhow. i eventually record her telling me she wants me out on my iPhone video camera.

its just... .wow... .

anyhow. i drive home 30 mins.

shes like if you don't come back we are over.

long story short ... .i refuse to go back.

you watched porn i know you did .

anyhow. ... .

she starts bashing me telling me how messed up i am. she goes into detail about how i need power etc. and how its all a act, i pretend to be a good guy etc. cuz I'm truly messed up. she types all this.

but than sends a photo of us saying happy holidays, its us smiling. she says its cuz she has love.

anyhow... .

she makes sure to tell me how much better she is than me , how my house stinks, how no girl would want me. how "someone will be f**k ing this P***y soon. etc.

anyhow its been two days.

i say, look lets drop it its christmas...

shes says,

I choose not to drop it."

i say" I'm done with your games" i hang up.

the next day she says, " thank you for ruining my christmas and stabbing me in the back> "

[Lucky Jim]

Hey Sculptor, This sounds like a lot of drama.  Are you ready to move on with your life, without the drama?  What makes you think your Ex has BPD?  Maybe it's time to work on yourself.  Lucky Jim

[thesculptor]

it hasn't been diagnosed by a professional.

at out her own words.

" i am bipolar"

" i have PTSD" (shes been beat by her past boyfriends"

she made me a video where she acts out her personalities.

She has insulted me in every possible way ... but loves me.

her father a licensed dr, when i asked him sincerely, if she had "issues"

he said something along the lines of...

"if your asking me if my daughter is one moment a great charming, smart, intelligent, person, and the next the last person you want to be around, someone you hate? " the answer is yes.

no, i can't prove she has BPD, as much as she herself has admitted to having the symptoms, and relates to the stories and things in the books. of course I'm not a therapist. I'm here because the stories are real. am i ready for a life without drama?

yes i lived on for several years before her.

working on myself. yes. I'm ready to do that as well.

Do i think this is finally over? between me and her. I think she may show up at my house. i live 20 miles away. from her. but i believe I'm strong enough not to go to her house. and posting on here, will help me do that. I'm on here to find answers. to connect with others that have gone through the same. and when i read these posts, of these people ... .i see exactly that.

one of her constant stories is this,... .

" there is a part of me that hates you, the way you look smell, think , act etc.

and there is a part of me that loves you. sometimes the one that hates you is in control, and she wants to destroy us. than when i get back in control, i experience the ruin she has done. "

like i said, i don't know she has BPD for certain. but the above statements are 100% true.

thank you.

[Suzn]

Hello thesculpter and   

That does sound like a lot of drama. Labels aren't all that important, it's the behaviors that are.

" there is a part of me that hates you, the way you look smell, think , act etc.

and there is a part of me that loves you. sometimes the one that hates you is in control, and she wants to destroy us. than when i get back in control, i experience the ruin she has done. "

This would be a painful way to live and a painful thing to hear from someone you care about. How are you doing with all that's happened sculpter? How are you coping?

[Ironmanrises]

one of her constant stories is this,... .

" there is a part of me that hates you, the way you look smell, think , act etc.

and there is a part of me that loves you. sometimes the one that hates you is in control, and she wants to destroy us. than when i get back in control, i experience the ruin she has done. "

I just shuddered reading this. I am so sorry you have experienced that. My exUBPDgf would insinuate a lot of that, in fragments. I only pieced together after round 1 and confirmed after round 2, of that which you wrote above. The split personality. So awful. And sad. Mixed in with horrifying.   

[Pretty Woman]

Sculptor,

   I want you to make a list of everything hurtful that has happened to you.  A timeline of sorts.

I want you to keep one in your wallet and one on your bathroom mirror.

Read it. Anytime you miss her read what she has said and done.

Just write the bad stuff.

It helps.

[thesculptor]

how am i coping with this?

well i put together a music play list... .

mind you one of her playlists is named, "F***k  J** the As**ho** i wish i never met. "

the one i named is " stayin sucka free"

see about a year ago exactly , i felt she was just not girlfriend material. my cousin from new york, said, " you don't like this girl? to me it looks like you do. "

coping... .gee, she emailed me this long letter of apology yesterday. saying she's ready to take our "family " serious. our family being her dog and us. he's a yorkie.

i am guilty in the sense that i react to her, i let her triggers get to me. as you read from above, they are not suddle triggers.

coping? Gee. its gotten weird. i guess on some level yes its hurt me significantly . on another. once and if we finally let go for good, ill have to see her as someone that is just not all there. and leave it at that. hopefully just feel Godly love for her, and wish her the best and just develop my career for a while.

yesterday i text a friend of mine. she's having issues with her boyfriend of 4 years. if i have to ... .ill just make innocent friendships. and again, focus on my career. as far as counseling. ... .i don't see myself getting it because of price. if you all have suggestions on how to get it at a affordable rate, I'm sure i will get it.

ill do that, write down the things she has said. right now we are on speaking terms. she is acting sensible. yes i know this is part of the cycle. but i don't plan on seeing her today, nor tomorrow, nor maybe till friday. when i do,... .ill have certain limits set into place. like... .obviously not crossing the line where she consistently has.

i just don't want to spend a hateful christmas at home, ignoring her. i bought her a small ring with the infinity symbol on it.

being a christian, i want her to know, that yes, we argue, yes its not healthy, yes there is issues, but for just the shear act of being christian and not harboring hate in my heart, ... .i want to be able to give her that, and have some decent closure. i don't even care about the sex, we have had it plenty of times, and yes it has often been amazing.

in her words, this sunday, " all your good for is sex. thats all your good for. nothing else. and I've gotten that"

yes, there has been moments where i have restrained her, pushed her away when she was swinging a frying pan on me.

I've never struck her. ever. have i thought about it, when she rips on me about sleeping with other men, or tells me how worthless i am. but i don't, i actually leave her concerned that i feel this around her.

am i sick? has this girl done damange to me. ? sure, possibly. do i see light at the end of this tunnel. yes i do.