Ex News

[Depression = 72% of members]

Last night I was out with a group of friends for drinks. One of my friends knows my ex and my "replacement", as we all met in the same Meetup circle.

While this friend and I have tried not to discuss them my friend did reveal some info last night that had me thinking... .

I guess my ex was in the hospital this week for her back.  Her new GF's mom is in hospice (sad) and is in a deep, deep depression.

*My mutual friend is more friends with the other woman "GF", not my ex.

She said she asked this woman (we will call her Renee) what is wrong and she was very cryptic. All she said was that she was extremely depressed having lost her job before Thanksgiving and with her mother dying. Apparently her birthday party is this weekend and my friend was contemplating not going because she hasn't heard from her in a few months and she actually blew off her birthday party (didn't even respond to an invite) weeks earlier.

Is it bad I know my ex is going to anihilate this woman? I actually feel sorry for her and they were cheating behind my back.

I believe many of my ex's illnesses in our relationship were psychosomatic. She always had a headache, backache, flu, ankle pain, etc. and it was always before something commital like an event or holiday.

I have never lost someone close to me (thankfully) like this woman is. Anytime I had something stressful happen I got dumped or treated like shyt.

I am going to put it out there as a good Christian I hope that doesn't happen to her. I know it is not mine to worry or care but my ex's exes have a history of suicide attempts, which I understand fully having dated her. This woman is so damaged I just hope she doesn't attempt the same.

[Pretty Woman]

Last night I was out with a group of friends for drinks. One of my friends knows my ex and my "replacement", as we all met in the same Meetup circle.

While this friend and I have tried not to discuss them my friend did reveal some info last night that had me thinking... .

I guess my ex was in the hospital this week for her back.  Her new GF's mom is in hospice (sad) and is in a deep, deep depression.

*My mutual friend is more friends with the other woman "GF", not my ex.

She said she asked this woman (we will call her Renee) what is wrong and she was very cryptic. All she said was that she was extremely depressed having lost her job before Thanksgiving and with her mother dying. Apparently her birthday party is this weekend and my friend was contemplating not going because she hasn't heard from her in a few months and she actually blew off her birthday party (didn't even respond to an invite) weeks earlier.

Is it bad I know my ex is going to anihilate this woman? I actually feel sorry for her and they were cheating behind my back.

I believe many of my ex's illnesses in our relationship were psychosomatic. She always had a headache, backache, flu, ankle pain, etc. and it was always before something commital like an event or holiday.

I have never lost someone close to me (thankfully) like this woman is. Anytime I had something stressful happen I got dumped or treated like shyt.

I am going to put it out there as a good Christian I hope that doesn't happen to her. I know it is not mine to worry or care but my ex's exes have a history of suicide attempts, which I understand fully having dated her. This woman is so damaged I just hope she doesn't attempt the same.

[Waifed]

If her new partner is showing weakness it should all be over soon between them. How dare she tries to get attention. The focus should always be on the pwBPD! Lol

[Pretty Woman]

Waifed,

   It is still "speculation" they are together but several of us caught her lying and even my ex told me if we weren't together she knew this woman was interested.

I seriously got painted blacker than black to the point I never expect to be re-engaged again... .I mean really bad this time and as time passes it is getting easier for me to let go. Still, you are right. This woman has never been with a woman and I think she is suffering from multiple crisises. I think a storms a brewin.

[Mutt]

Is it bad I know my ex is going to anihilate this woman? I actually feel sorry for her and they were cheating behind my back.

Earth Angel this thought came across my mind often. Should I warn this guy although he caused me pain?

It simply came down to this for me. It may not help, but the man chose to put his hand in the fire when he slept with a married woman that had children and a husband at home. He made a bad choice... .his choice.

[damage control]

EA

My ex was always 'there' for me, until the few times that I really needed him to be ... then he shut down.

It was never about taking attention away from him but rather a 'how dare you 'need' me or 'expect' me to be emotionally supportive.

The only times he was ever cruel (and it happened only twice, were the two times I was hurting ... he was unable to cope with that.

My take is that your ex will be feeling the stress of her current partner's neediness - and that doesn't bode well for either of them.

Having lost several people in my life, I can honestly say that there isn't really anything that you can do for this woman ... no matter how good your intentions. She won't be thinking clearly and certainly will not be in a position to start thinking about her relationships and whether they are healthy etc ...

It will possibly implode on its own ... .the less you have to do with that the better it will be for you

(just my 2c/opinion obviously)

[seeking balance]

It simply came down to this for me. It may not help, but the man chose to put his hand in the fire when he slept with a married woman that had children and a husband at home. He made a bad choice... .his choice.

Couldn't have said this better myself.   

[Pretty Woman]

You guys are great. 

I am pretty certain (and I know with BPD you can't be "certain" that I will not ever have to deal with this woman again.

She kept boxes of photos with her exes-all her exes and when she dumped me she ripped everything up and tossed it at me so... .out of sight out of mind. She truly hates me. I called her out on BPD so she knows I know.

This is a good thing though (her leaving me alone). I just had my review. I told my boss about stuff back in May. I was hesitant but I think it saved my job. I still have PTSD and anxiety attacks. I need to stay on my A game and keep my job and life intact.

It is amazing how this relationship f'd me.

[Pretty Woman]

Damage Control.

  I noticed anytime I was stressed or hesitant about anything she took off. She ran. She dumped me flat on my a.

I had just found out my best friend did not want to stay friends because I was gay. That was really, really hard. I told my ex I didn't want to have dinner because I was sad.

Dumped me flat on my a. Ran off to her ex for a month.

Left me without a best friend and someone I thought was one. This whole year just shattered me.

When she left her words were: You betrayed me, you broadcast my personal life to everyone. I will NEVER trust you EVER.

Funny... .she betrayed me with two affairs, told everyone I was a stalker and I could never trust her to be there when I needed her most.

[damage control]

I know exactly what you mean EA

My eye-opener was when he dumped me (yeah, a bit late I know) and within 24 hours, because I was 'still emotional', he told me that I would have to leave (I had been in this city 10 days at that stage, had no job and nowhere to go). This was because it made him uncomfortable to see me upset ... even though I had moved out of his room and most of my crying was being done behind closed doors.

Admittedly, I had gotten drunk the night before (while he was on his first date with my replacement) - and this made things worse - he accused me of being out-of-control ... (really?) ... he couldn't get away from me fast enough for those few days I was upset ...

a$$hats.

[Pretty Woman]

Yeah, my replacement situation is so weird too. This chick wanted to be friends with me. I think she may just be sleeping with my ex and isn't sure what SHE wants to it's like they were both trying to keep me on the side.

Again, weird.

I just had enough and called my ex out. I feel bad because she is ill but I could have lost my flippin career over this woman. The fact she is running around all gleeful about the holidays and I am sitting her barely getting through the day... .having anxiety attacks and being smeared as a nut job... .

yeah, thanks for dumping me and then crushing me further.

I know this is an illness but karma is a b. This girl KNEW we were together. Now my ex started being friends with her and talking about her a lot but I am trusting (yeah dumb since she screwed me over in May with her ex whom I trusted too). I really thought it was good she had friends since she had none  I'm not really jealous of the replacement. I can see the attraction: She is unemployed, in a loveless relationship with an airline pilot 15yrs her senior that does not want marriage, her mother is dying and she was abandoned by her husband 4yrs ago and she waited 4yrs to file for divorce thinking he would come back.

Yeah, this is going to work.

This girl is so depressed and sad which is how I became at the END of our relationship. Not sure what will happen but it just might kill her sadly.

[Mutt]

I know exactly what you mean EA

My eye-opener was when he dumped me (yeah, a bit late I know) and within 24 hours, because I was 'still emotional', he told me that I would have to leave (I had been in this city 10 days at that stage, had no job and nowhere to go). This was because it made him uncomfortable to see me upset ... even though I had moved out of his room and most of my crying was being done behind closed doors.

Admittedly, I had gotten drunk the night before (while he was on his first date with my replacement) - and this made things worse - he accused me of being out-of-control ... (really?) ... he couldn't get away from me fast enough for those few days I was upset ...

a$$hats.

It's pretty heartless and cruel, especially when you are new to the city. Someone else explained it to me like this:

It's like if you had accidentally cutting someone's arm off, would you want to be around that person?

Mine did the same to me. She couldn't be around me.

Out of sight out of mind.

[Pretty Woman]

Mutt,

  I look at it differently. She could care less.

There is no remorse for anything she has done, either of them. My ex dumped me 6x in 15mo. First few times for a week and the last two for 37 days each time. This time we are at 51 days.

She isn't coming back and my life would be better if she up and moved in with this girl so we aren't 3mi from each other.

[Mutt]

Mutt,

 I look at it differently. She could care less.

There is no remorse for anything she has done, either of them. My ex dumped me 6x in 15mo. First few times for a week and the last two for 37 days each time. This time we are at 51 days.

She isn't coming back and my life would be better if she up and moved in with this girl so we aren't 3mi from each other.

EA that's a lot of break-ups in 15 months. I went back to your introduction post and read your background. I could have misinterpreted it, but it sounds like triangulation? My apologies if I'm wrong.

[Pretty Woman]

Mutt,

  Oh yeah but a reverse triangulation through the other woman.  That was just to weird to me.  She kept saying "I'm everyone's friend" but again she lied outright about things I knew otherwise. 

It's sort of sick when you think of it. 

I think the only reason this woman would want to be friends is to keep my ex away from me because they are together. 

I'm not letting anyone control me from any angle. Done with that crap. 

[Mutt]

I'm not letting anyone control me from any angle. Done with that crap.  

EA,  

I'm glad to hear that 

It's like a 3 legged stool. Take away one of the legs and the stool collapses.

[Changingman]

They spread poison, stink up any room they're in, RS they're in.

As Dylan didn't say:

For some the times they ain't a changing

Do you think in their next RS things will be better? Hell No!

NC = no crazy

Leave them to their pain, to get involved again? is it her or you or me who's insane. Blame the player not the game, same old s*** just change the name, should I tell... .ouch I'm back again

Same insane, same deranged, someone else crashes on this transit train,

Anyone here feel anxious? Get out now before our enemy spanks us, thanks us for taking their sh** and leaving us thankless.

Is it me or does something smell rotten here

[Pretty Woman]

Changingman,

   Wonderful words.

Today I am just focusing on being happy.  I can't change what has happened. I can blame myself for things (like having a life and trying to retain normalcy in this relationship---which was her excuse for leaving---"I wasn't present" but a good relationship involves communication.

Without communication no relationship can truly be successful.

I tried, I loved I still love because my heart is open.

Don't close your hearts because of your ordeals. Keep them open, keep love flowing.

[Mutt]

Changingman,

   Wonderful words.

Today I am just focusing on being happy.  I can't change what has happened. I can blame myself for things (like having a life and trying to retain normalcy in this relationship---which was her excuse for leaving---"I wasn't present" but a good relationship involves communication.

Without communication no relationship can truly be successful.

I tried, I loved I still love because my heart is open.

Don't close your hearts because of your ordeals. Keep them open, keep love flowing.

Don't forget trust EA. You need to be able to trust your partner and they need to be able to trust you. Without trust, it won't work longterm.