Facebook Rewrites

[Our abuse recovery guide]

Hey everyone,

I've started this thread to post to deal with some of those "your mom loves you and you'd better lay down your life for her" type of posts on facebook.  I thought it'd be fun to rewrite them.     I don't go out and search for them (I'd crash the interwebs); these are just the ones that I see shared by mutual friends.  They're usually written in pretty fonts on rustic-looking backgrounds.  The hearts were implied in the quotes.  I just made them visible.

Here's one I saw today:

"The influence of a   mother   in the lives of her children is beyond calculation."  James E. Faust

Our version:

The influence of a mother in the lives of her children is enough to keep my therapist's kids in private school.

[redroom]

Hey everyone,

I've started this thread to post to deal with some of those "your mom loves you and you'd better lay down your life for her" type of posts on facebook.  I thought it'd be fun to rewrite them.     I don't go out and search for them (I'd crash the interwebs); these are just the ones that I see shared by mutual friends.  They're usually written in pretty fonts on rustic-looking backgrounds.  The hearts were implied in the quotes.  I just made them visible.

Here's one I saw today:

"The influence of a   mother   in the lives of her children is beyond calculation."  James E. Faust

Our version:

The influence of a mother in the lives of her children is enough to keep my therapist's kids in private school.

[Marcia]

I've cringed over some of those, too. It is one sort of good things that comes from being the child of a BPD though. We know not to assume that every relationship is just wonderful and the way it"should" be. Not all Moms and Dads are wonderful supportive role models, not all sisters are lifetime best friends, not all brothers have our backs.

Humility and not making assumptions are great gifts we all have earned, and face it, they make us much more real, empathetic and astute human beings.

[Deb]

The ones that make me cringe are the ones that say things like : Sisters are Best Friends. Reposted this if you sister is your Best Friend."  Don't know what I would rewrite it to. Maybe: Your sister, the first person who tried to murder you."

[redroom]

Thanks so much!  I have a few that I've been working with on powerpoint, trying to make them look nice and lovely.  But I have no idea what to do with them... .

[redroom]

Here's another:

"Being a mom isn't about what you gave up to have a baby, but what you gained from having one!"

BPD parent revised for accuracy version:

"Being a mom isn't about what you gave up to have a baby, but what you gained from having one!  Seriously, why else would you have a baby?"

"Being a mom isn't about what you gave up to have a baby, because you're special.  Why would you have to give something up?"

"Being a mom isn't about what you gave up to have a baby, because a baby is just an extention of yourself, anyways!"

"Being a mom isn't about (insert something here), it's about you, because you're a mommy now!  Don't let that baby steal your precious, precious attention from others."

"Being a mom is about you.  Milk this for all it's worth.  Kids can be discarded if it gets too difficult."

[redroom]

Weird Fishes, I wish I could post them somewhere.  I was thinking of starting a facebook (similar to the ones I got these off of) just to put them somewhere!  I wish I could upload pics here.  I added a little inappropriate affect as a way to spruce things up.

If these offend anyone, let me know!  I'm not trying to trivialize this mental illness, but rather bring attention to the fact that there's another side to the story... . 

Original:  The realest thing in the world is the heart of a child.  Hit 'share' if you will always love your kid.  

Revised:

The REAL-est "thing" in the world is the   h  e  a  r  t   of her CHILD!.  Squeez it DRY before she TURNS AGAINST YOU   like everyone else.

The realest thing IN THA WORLDDD! is the   of a Child.  Hit 'share' if you will always love your kid.  If you don't hit share, your child should notice immediately and "try" to rectify all of the pain she's caused you.  If she doesn't, write her out of your will if you haven't already.  

The realest Thing in the world is the heart of a good child.  Hit your child (or make your husband do your dirty work) if being a    mommy   is too much for you "to" deal with.  YOU come first.  

[charred]

So am I to gather these are common BPD FB postings?

I am on these boards from the aftermath of dating a BPD girl... .big mistake on my part, many years of hurt.

She used to say things like these rewrites... .however my mother bombards me with them daily... I have blocked her at times on FB.

Mom has issues, but never was sure exactly what... her mother died when she was five, leaving her with 2 younger sisters (mother died giving birth to youngest)... then her dad dropped her off at her grandparents and didn't come back for 8 yrs. That has to have an effect. The obvious one would be BPD... however for the most part, while she can be infuriating I never saw her actions as BPD. More of a passive aggression. She is older now, and has started posting endless; If you care about X... post this to Y people... type posts. Also a lot of fairly radical political posts. Maybe its her age, but she was never political at all, didn't seem to prefer one party over the other... .but in a typical week she will post at least 8-9 really out there posts.

Her husband (my step dad)... died about a year ago... and I thought it was just the normal reaction of acting like the person that passed away a  bit... .but he never ranted... .or posted stuff at all.

Anyway, I had a small point... .these posts... all the FB messages I see daily now... .sound just like my mother. I fell really hard for a BPD gal, who didn't remind me of my mother... .but everything I have read tells me that you learn what love is by observing your FOO... .and seek out what you grew up with... wondering if my mom is BPD... or something close (cluster B?). Do many of you wonder same thing? Seeing Freud was right more than I ever dreamt.

[BlueCat]

Heh. Facebook   

I don't have any family (at all!) on FB after a stalking incident with my sister, but yeah, some of those "if u luv yr mom, post this" stuff is just . . . ugh.

I try really, really hard to be happy for the people who have good relationships with their mothers and sisters but some days, I just don't want to read it.

Recently a friend posted something she wrote herself about how parents are just people and flawed and we should pick up the phone and forgive them. I have no idea what she was writing that in response to but man, I almost wrote something.

And then I thought why? #1 it's Facebook, not a good place for real conversations. #2 she's not talking to me and it's a bit (ahem) narcissistic for me to think she is (a distant friend who I am not close to).

So these things on Facebook have been sort of a learning experience for me. At first I felt the need to reply to each one and now I sort of just breathe and try to be happy for them that they are happy while acknowledging that this doesn't invalidate my experience. Mini zen therapy

[Deb]

She said we should be more like her friend's sisters who were constantly posting pics of each other and declaring their undying sisterly love for each other over facebook.

well, if your sister acted more like their sisters, you could be like that! Unfortyunately, she is BPD and so you have to take it as you can. Good for you for having a relationahip with her.

[redroom]

Original joke:

An elderly man in Oklahoma calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day son, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are getting a divorce; 45 years of marriage... .and that much misery is enough!"

":)ad, what are you talking about?" the son yells.

"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old dad explained. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Hong Kong and tell her!"

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this." She calls her elderly father immediately, and screams at him, "You are not getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, you hear me?" she yelled as she hung up the phone.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay", he says, "it's all set. They're both coming for Christmas and paying their own air-fare."

Revised for BPD accuracy:

An elderly woman in Oklahoma calls her daughter.  "I just want you to know that your father and I are getting a divorce; after 45 years of marriage, that much misery is enough."

"Really," asks the daughter?  "Well, it's about time!  You've been threatening to divorce him for years.  Make sure you get a good lawyer."

"That's it?"  snarls the mother.  "I'm divorcing your father, and all you have to say is 'get a good lawyer?'"

After a long pause, the mother continues, ":)id you know that I'm divorcing your father because  I'm dying?"

"Well, this is news," replies the daughter.

"I have influenza," hisses the mother.  ":)o you know how many people die each year for it?  And it's hereditary, so you'll be getting it, too."

The daughter replies, "I wasn't aware that so many people died these days, in developed countries, from the flu.  And I wasn't aware that it was hereditary.  This certainly is news... . :)id your doctor tell you all of this?"

"The doctor said I have a bad case of it, and I just read a book this morning about a woman who died from it.  She caught it from her mother, who also died from it.  The woman was going to marry a war general, but she died the night before her wedding.  I don't even think that you'll be sorry when I'm gone."  

"What was the name of the book," asks the daughter.

"The American Revolutionary Widower."

"You know, I think things have changed, medicine-wise, over the past 200+ years.  You're probably not going to die from the flu.  And it's contagious, not hereditary," explains the daughter.  "And I can't come down to visit because I'm busy this month.  We've had this discussion many times."

"Then I guess I'm going to eat all of this shortbread myself."

"You're making your famous shortbread?"  the daughter asks meekly.  "I love your famous shortbread.  When are you going to give me the recipe?"

"I'm making the kind with freshly-ground espresso beans.  You're welcome to have some, if you come down."

"I guess I can make a trip," replies the daughter.  "It's a short enough drive."

The elderly mother hangs up, and yells to her husband, "Hey, Susie just invited herself over for the holidays, again.  I don't know why she just won't get married already.  If she thinks that I'm going to bake my special shortbread just for her, she's got another thing coming."


 

[redroom]

Remember when we were young and couldn't wait to grow up so we could do whatever we wanted, whenever we wanted?

How's that working out for you?

Revised for BPD accuracy:

Remember when we were young and couldn't wait to grow up so we could do whatever we wanted, whenever we wanted?

How's that working out for you?  

Awesome, me too!

-or-

Remember when we were young and couldn't wait to grow up so that we wouldn't have to worry about our safety and put up with physical and emotional abuse on a daily basis?  Even though it meant paying bills and watching calories and such?

Bext exchange ever!  

-or-

Remember when we were young and lived in fear, and we dreamed of a day when we let out a breath of air without getting backhanded, shamed, or both?  

Congrats!  

-or, for BPD parents themselves-

Remember when your kids were young and you couldn't wait for the day they turned 18 because they had nowhere to go and they'd be at your doorstep begging to let you live under their roof, and you'd point and laugh and tell them that they had their chance, and to enjoy sleeping on the streets?

How'd THAT one turn out for you?  

[Botswana Agate]

Original joke:

An elderly man in Oklahoma calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day son, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are getting a divorce; 45 years of marriage... .and that much misery is enough!"

":)ad, what are you talking about?" the son yells.

"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old dad explained. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Hong Kong and tell her!"

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this." She calls her elderly father immediately, and screams at him, "You are not getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, you hear me?" she yelled as she hung up the phone.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay", he says, "it's all set. They're both coming for Christmas and paying their own air-fare."

Revised for BPD accuracy:

An elderly woman in Oklahoma calls her daughter.  "I just want you to know that your father and I are getting a divorce; after 45 years of marriage, that much misery is enough."

"Really," asks the daughter?  "Well, it's about time!  You've been threatening to divorce him for years.  Make sure you get a good lawyer."

"That's it?"  snarls the mother.  "I'm divorcing your father, and all you have to say is 'get a good lawyer?'"

After a long pause, the mother continues, ":)id you know that I'm divorcing your father because  I'm dying?"

"Well, this is news," replies the daughter.

"I have influenza," hisses the mother.  ":)o you know how many people die each year for it?  And it's hereditary, so you'll be getting it, too."

The daughter replies, "I wasn't aware that so many people died these days, in developed countries, from the flu.  And I wasn't aware that it was hereditary.  This certainly is news... . :)id your doctor tell you all of this?"

"The doctor said I have a bad case of it, and I just read a book this morning about a woman who died from it.  She caught it from her mother, who also died from it.  The woman was going to marry a war general, but she died the night before her wedding.  I don't even think that you'll be sorry when I'm gone."  

"What was the name of the book," asks the daughter.

"The American Revolutionary Widower."

"You know, I think things have changed, medicine-wise, over the past 200+ years.  You're probably not going to die from the flu.  And it's contagious, not hereditary," explains the daughter.  "And I can't come down to visit because I'm busy this month.  We've had this discussion many times."

"Then I guess I'm going to eat all of this shortbread myself."

"You're making your famous shortbread?"  the daughter asks meekly.  "I love your famous shortbread.  When are you going to give me the recipe?"

"I'm making the kind with freshly-ground espresso beans.  You're welcome to have some, if you come down."

"I guess I can make a trip," replies the daughter.  "It's a short enough drive."

The elderly mother hangs up, and yells to her husband, "Hey, Susie just invited herself over for the holidays, again.  I don't know why she just won't get married already.  If she thinks that I'm going to bake my special shortbread just for her, she's got another thing coming."


 

redroom wins the interwebz!   

[redroom]

Thanks so much!  I'm glad that you like them! 

I just saw this one today:

Original:

Share if you have a HANDSOME son!

Revised for BPD accuracy:

Share if your son is more HANDSOME than your friends' kids!

Share if your son is HANDSOME and available!  Feel free to share even if you feel he needs to dump the trollop he's with and trade up!

Share if your HANDSOME son has to tiptoe around you to avoid setting you off!

Share if your HANDSOME ingrate son never does anything for you, except send U money every month, and check up on you daily to make sure you're OK.  Click "like" if you would trade him in a heartbeat for an even more HANDSOME son who earned $MORE$ MONEY!

Share if your ^HANDSOME son is the only one who hasn't ABANDONED you!  Click "like" if you've ruined every relationship he's ever been in to keep him under your thumb! 

[arky]

Is there a thread where I can actually post the crazy ___ my mom posts on her Facebook? Some of it is so damn "finger pointy" or just creepy that I have to share with someone. And the creepy ones usually get removed because they don't get enough "likes" to suit her... .

[Botswana Agate]

Is there a thread where I can actually post the crazy ___ my mom posts on her Facebook? Some of it is so damn "finger pointy" or just creepy that I have to share with someone. And the creepy ones usually get removed because they don't get enough "likes" to suit her... .

Here is as good a place as any, Arky.  Post 'em!

[arky]

Here is as good a place as any, Arky.  Post 'em!

Alright, here goes... .

(This was posted two hours after an altercation with my sister [sister said she got her gun out as my sister was leaving, which is somewhat typical -- creepy, I know-- for mom]) "After a bit of target practice, it's obvious I need it!"

("Toad" is a code name for a woman she can't stand) "As if my day wasn't bad enough- toads. Lol"

(She loves to one up me in person, but you better not do it on Facebook!) "Just a suggestion - if someone has a status where they have something to be happy and proud about, please don't try to one up them in your comment. Let them have their moment."

(After an altercation with her best friend, whom we also believe is her secret lover) "Planning to sell my house late spring or early summer. Keep me in mind if you hear of anyone that might be interested."

Kinda makes me wonder how many people "like" these status updates and have no clue what craziness lies beneath them. I think I'd like to be one of the clueless ones rather than the person who can read between the lines... .