the borderline waif

[Depression = 72% of members]

I have seen on this site and google that the borderline waif is extremely dangerous. I have come to believe my ex fiancee was a borderline waif. Can we discuss some traits, behaviors and beliefs of the BP waif and why she/he is so dangerous?  Thanks,

[arn131arn]

I have seen on this site and google that the borderline waif is extremely dangerous. I have come to believe my ex fiancee was a borderline waif. Can we discuss some traits, behaviors and beliefs of the BP waif and why she/he is so dangerous?  Thanks,

[Learning_curve74]

The waif makes you think you're the rescuer with the power to save them, but in reality, they are very passive-aggressive and can hurt you in different ways. Dealing with a waif, you can end up letting yourself become enveloped in the FOG (Fear, Obligation, Guilt) which then makes you do things and put up with things which aren't healthy for you. It's like a sneak attack, and you don't realize it until you're enmeshed.

[arn131arn]

Thanks, curve.

I understand Waifs rarely rage.  Mine raged on several occasions in 14 years.  Maybe 5 or 6 times; but when she did, hooly crapolla.

I swear it was like looking into a lifeless soul.  Crazy!

I also remember her and my son in his playroom.  I was in the other room. She was telling him to do something and he obviously wasn't listening.  May have been 4 or 5 at the time.

All I heard was a crackle of pain and he began to cry.  I got up went into the room and asked her if she had hit him.  He had tears in his eyes and I know he was too scared to tell me she did.

But the rescuer I can see.  I believe that her new guy is her rescuer.  He probably feels good doing it just like I did.  But slowly, subtly, she will pick apart every insecurity he has until he has nothing left.

[Waifed]

The waif makes you think you're the rescuer with the power to save them, but in reality, they are very passive-aggressive and can hurt you in different ways. Dealing with a waif, you can end up letting yourself become enveloped in the FOG (Fear, Obligation, Guilt) which then makes you do things and put up with things which aren't healthy for you. It's like a sneak attack, and you don't realize it until you're enmeshed.

Wow, you just described my 3 year relationship in a nutshell. Well done.  Sprinkle in a few hermit traits and there you have it.

[MrConfused]

Wow, you just described my 3 year relationship in a nutshell. Well done.  Sprinkle in a few hermit traits and there you have it.

Likewise... . Mine never raged at me & ultimately it felt like she did the passive aggressive things over and over to make me be the one that eventually raged at her, so she had an excuse in her head to paint me black and run away. Now I'm the one feeling terrible for doing it whist no doubt shes just moved on.

The things she did to me hurt me more than any physical injury I've ever had (Heck, I would have preferred that!)

you were continuously made acutely aware of how and when you let her down, disappointed her or hurt her feelings.

Yup... never directly... .

You might force their hand by doing something you think could catalyze even more pain for yourself (like their ultimate/final rejection of you)

Exactly what I did... . months and months of torment pushed me to breaking point. I couldn't deal with the pain she kept inflicting on me anymore & that's what I keep telling myself.

[Soldier Of Sorrow]

But the rescuer I can see.  I believe that her new guy is her rescuer.  He probably feels good doing it just like I did.  But slowly, subtly, she will pick apart every insecurity he has until he has nothing left.

arn131arn,

A blood-sucking leech is by nature, NOT an evil creature that sets out intentionally to drain its prey of its blood and gorge itself as much as possible on the life source of other creatures.

It is just the way that they are programmed to survive.

(LOL, really, it's nothing personal against you).

The rescuers just happened to have stuck our exposed feet into the wrong swamp land, at the wrong time.

Regarding BPD Waifs,

There are often issues of codependent (CoD) personality traits in the part of the care-givers.

Perhaps it is something worth looking into in more details.

Otherwise, you may likely to escape one toxic/ BPD r/s and only to find yourself plunging headlong into another new one.

I have had two serious r/s with two female BPD Waifs in my lifetime.

The first r/s lasted two years. And the second one lasted a lot longer than that, thanks to no doubt, a whole bagful of unresolved rescuer/ CoD issues on my part.

Take full use of the time when the FOG is clear. Stand back and turn your awareness inwards, back towards yourself.

Chances are you will uncover even more insight that will do you a lot of good in the future.