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Author Topic: He twists everything I say  (Read 947 times)
Littleopener
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« on: January 14, 2014, 01:05:37 PM »

I foolishly sent him a message saying good luck with the new relationship, I'm glad he felt he could now be in a relationship officially (rather than be in one but not admit me (me)- I didn't say this bit in the brackets.) and that I'm glad he was better.

He said I was making everything an injustice about me, said I betrayed his trust, said he could never be in a relationship with me and made that clear from the start (not true- he didn't even break up with me- just moved on. If he'd made it clear and gave me some closure I'd be a much happier bunny right now).

He also said "there was nothing wrong with me to get better from, but thanks for accusing me".

So apparently I was nothing to him. His telling me about his depression and his family problems meant nothing, he didn't have any problems, there was nothing for him to get better from.

At least this has given me more excuse to hate him than ever. I think my reaction today has been the most healthy that I've had. I'm angry. Usually I would let this get to me and blame myself because clearly he blames me and I must've done something wrong. But no longer. I won't take his lies and deceit any more.

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santa
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« Reply #1 on: January 14, 2014, 01:09:45 PM »

That's what they do.  Smiling (click to insert in post)

It doesn't matter what you say. It's going to get twisted into something else and thrown back in your face. That's their entire game. That's why you can never win with them.
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santa
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« Reply #2 on: January 14, 2014, 01:11:44 PM »

LOL... . I'm a lawyer... . and a pretty good one. And I've never won an argument with my ex. Not one time. It just can't be done.
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shellsh0cked
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« Reply #3 on: January 14, 2014, 01:35:46 PM »

My xgf came to bring me my phone one day I had left at her house.  She walked up... . looking radiant and sexy!  I said "wow!  You sure are beautiful today... . ".  She blushes a bit and says, "well, I'm not wearing much makeup"... . My response, "well, whatever you did... . keep doing it because you look awesome!". 

That seems like a compliment right?  And it was at the time.

Fast forward to a knock down dragout fight.  This was a slight on her now... . an insult.  Because I was criticizing her apparently.  Criticizing her ability to apply make up... . or say that she wears too much!  WHAT?  WHAT?  -
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fromheeltoheal
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Broken up, I left her
Posts: 5642


« Reply #4 on: January 14, 2014, 01:46:27 PM »

My ex threw an apple at me, I ducked, it broke a window, and I got "You idiot!  Why didn't you stop it?  You did that on purpose because I told you you dress like a slob."

There is no arguing with that.
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feelingcrazy7832
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« Reply #5 on: January 14, 2014, 01:54:39 PM »

Fromheeltoheel - not that any of this is funny but seriously, your post just made me laugh. That's the first time I've laughed at any BPD stuff since I went through my last traumatic break from my BPD ex.  Smiling (click to insert in post)
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santa
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« Reply #6 on: January 14, 2014, 01:55:40 PM »

Fromheeltoheel - not that any of this is funny but seriously, your post just made me laugh. That's the first time I've laughed at any BPD stuff since I went through my last traumatic break from my BPD ex.  Smiling (click to insert in post)

It made me laugh too.  Smiling (click to insert in post)
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fromheeltoheal
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« Reply #7 on: January 14, 2014, 02:03:07 PM »

Yeah, thanks guys, it makes me laugh too.  Some borderline behavior is pretty funny when you don't care anymore; when I think of her raging, I just imagine her with a really big head, running around sped-up-like with circus music playing.
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drv3006
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« Reply #8 on: January 14, 2014, 02:17:17 PM »

LOL... . I'm a lawyer... . and a pretty good one. And I've never won an argument with my ex. Not one time. It just can't be done.

Now this made me laugh.   I worked for lawyers over 30 years

LOL

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Pearl55
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« Reply #9 on: January 14, 2014, 02:28:12 PM »

Fromhealtoheal

You made me laugh for couple of minutes!
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feelingcrazy7832
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« Reply #10 on: January 14, 2014, 02:28:51 PM »

I just caught that lawyer comment as well. That is funny.

I am now thinking back to all these crazy lies. My ex when we first started dating told me his ex used him for money... . Lol, he had none. He was spending their entire mortgage payment on gambling and drugs.

He told me this incredibly elaborate story about how he initiated the divorce proceedings. He claimed she went to work one day and he and his friends packed her things and put them in a storage unit. He said once she got home, he changed the locks and handed her the key to the storage unit and some cash when she got home.  TRUTH is she couldn't take him anymore and started to slowly move her things out over the matter of a few weeks and then when he got home one day all her things were gone. She moved out of state to get as far away from him as she possibly could.
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blueeyedjess

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« Reply #11 on: January 14, 2014, 02:29:29 PM »

This is why I stopped arguing, defending, explaining, etc.

I just answer in one word or in short sentences. I don't ask too many questions anymore either.

I think that irritates him more, but it so helps me to not engage in behaviors that will end up hurting me even more.

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Moonie75
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« Reply #12 on: January 14, 2014, 02:31:33 PM »

My ex threw an apple at me, I ducked, it broke a window, and I got "You idiot!  Why didn't you stop it?  You did that on purpose because I told you you dress like a slob."

There is no arguing with that.

Why? Was she right about you dressing like a slob? 
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fromheeltoheal
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Relationship status: Broken up, I left her
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« Reply #13 on: January 14, 2014, 02:39:33 PM »

My ex threw an apple at me, I ducked, it broke a window, and I got "You idiot!  Why didn't you stop it?  You did that on purpose because I told you you dress like a slob."

There is no arguing with that.

Why? Was she right about you dressing like a slob? 

She was right about everything Moonie, just ask her. 
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santa
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« Reply #14 on: January 14, 2014, 02:41:11 PM »

My ex threw an apple at me, I ducked, it broke a window, and I got "You idiot!  Why didn't you stop it?  You did that on purpose because I told you you dress like a slob."

There is no arguing with that.

Why? Was she right about you dressing like a slob? 

She was right about everything Moonie, just ask her. 

LMAO  Smiling (click to insert in post)

You're on a roll today.
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drv3006
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« Reply #15 on: January 14, 2014, 03:02:53 PM »

This is hillarious!   You are all bringing tears to my eyes.  Because what you say is the truth! and not a lie, I am so not used to laughter and funny tears these days.   anyway.  Thanks.   
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loz1982
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« Reply #16 on: January 14, 2014, 04:28:57 PM »

Yes my ex tends to twist things I or my parents say into anything negative. I went NC but he always gets back in touch and I don't have it in me to say go away, I would feel mean can you imagine that after everything I have been put through. Basically the texts back to him end up just me defending something I or my parents said or did trying to get him to see sense. I know that isn't possible, either he sees it and doesn't want to admit he is wrong or really has no idea. I said I wanted my mum around when I had a baby months ago when he was causing problems between her and I and it seems he has been stewing on it ever since as he asked me recently do you want her there the day you get home because that is important bonding time between parents and baby. Now I don't know about you but I know when you have a baby a lot of your time becomes all about them and as my ex is very particular how I cook and clean and he said I could do all that when the baby is sleeping, my mum would be a great help to me around the house. But no he doesn't want my parents helping, never mind what I want. That is them intefering. This is also an opening for him to have a go at me to say I need to stand on my own two feet, to embrace life and attack all of that on my own with the help of your partner (mind you I have lived out of home since I was 17 with my parents interstate, he farms with his parents) It was just a statement about mum helping and looks where it gets me. He never helped me around the house as he wanted to see that I could do it before he helped so I imagined I would be taking on it all myself and run into the ground. He just doesn't get it!
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LilMissSunshine
Formerly Breslin
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Relationship status: Divorced
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« Reply #17 on: January 14, 2014, 05:08:40 PM »

LOL... . I'm a lawyer... . and a pretty good one. And I've never won an argument with my ex. Not one time. It just can't be done.

My ex threw an apple at me, I ducked, it broke a window, and I got "You idiot.  Why didn't you stop it?  You did that on purpose because I told you you dress like a slob."

There is no arguing with that.

Sorry, can't top these two coments          I    you two.
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shellsh0cked
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« Reply #18 on: January 14, 2014, 05:29:14 PM »

LOL... . I'm a lawyer... . and a pretty good one. And I've never won an argument with my ex. Not one time. It just can't be done.

My ex threw an apple at me, I ducked, it broke a window, and I got "You idiot!  Why didn't you stop it?  You did that on purpose because I told you you dress like a slob."

There is no arguing with that.

Sorry, can't top these two comments      I   you two!

  so very true

Yeah, it was like arguing with a rock or the wall!







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toomanytears
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« Reply #19 on: January 14, 2014, 05:40:11 PM »

Here I am in a grief wallow and I think - what will get  me out of this? The BPD family site! And I've just picked up this thread... . thanks guys!

If a first class lawyer can't beat 'em - who can?  
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sun seeker
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« Reply #20 on: January 14, 2014, 06:59:44 PM »

Santa and fromheel

Lmao... . you guys are killing me! Smiling (click to insert in post)
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goldylamont
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« Reply #21 on: January 14, 2014, 07:40:21 PM »

    fromheeltoheel keep them coming, i've been laughing for the past 5 minutes. so hilarious.

i have a story that is not as funny but just as ludicrous. my ex and i kept in touch some after she moved out. while still living with me she started seeing another guy and would throw it in my face all the time until she finally moved out. anyways a few months later we were talking and she starts talking about a mutual friend who had recently broken up with her bf. she proceeds to say

"yeah her xBF is a total a-hole! they still talk and he keeps telling her about this new girl he's dating at work. she doesn't want to hear that. i can't believe he could be so inconsiderate"

my answer... . very carefully: "well, you know, you kind of did the same thing to me. except that it wasn't over the phone it was when we were living together. you told me all kinds of things about your new bf all the time, even when i asked you to stop"

her: "no i didn't!"

me, trying to calm her down, i began listing 10 things i knew about the guy that she told me, and "how would i know all this stuff unless you told me?"

her: "well, it's different"

me: "how?"

her: "... . because... . because it's someone that he works with... "

i just had to let it go. BUT THAT MAKES NO SENSE!   there's unawareness and then there's just plain i-don't-care-ness 
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Moonie75
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« Reply #22 on: January 14, 2014, 07:49:45 PM »

Goldy,

Double standards, denial of double standards, and judging others to a derogatory conclusion for doing things she did herself, was frequent!

So frequent in fact that I almost became desensitized to it! It almost became normal... . Everything abnormal almost became normal!



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