In need of reflection and advice...

[Dog biscuit]

From the start of the break up I maintained strickt NC. But now I find myself feeling so provocked and in need to defend myself that I am lost about keeeping NC or not.

My ex is all over the internet. I seem to bump into his writings becuase of our mutual friends responding to them. He changed his name and writes story's about his life and relationships that are so far from reality, he present himself like some kind of guru 

I so strongly feel the need to respond or to write about my experience with him, but that will break the NC, and can backfire on me because people may percieve me as the crazy one.

The fact that I cant write about my experience feels very isolating, it feels as if he is still controlling me in a way. The NC feels mostly like a prison and a safehaven at the same time, right now it feels like prison.

I want to spill my guts because what he writes about is so freakin bizar and far fetched from the reality, and people are buying the crap he writes!

What can I do?

[Learning_curve74]

Hi Dog biscuit, it really is frustrating to read the things somebody writes which are wrong. You're not the only person who reads things like that and then feels like it was a personal attack on you.

You're right about not wanting to be "the crazy one" which is exactly how other people will perceive anything oppositional that you write in response to him. If you want to write about your experiences, you are always welcome to share here on the board, and you know you'll have a receptive and understanding audience. You can also start up your own anonymous blog on a number of sites like wordpress, blogger, or tumblr.

The people who are your friends know who you really are. What do you need to prove to them?

[Dog biscuit]

Thanks for your soothing and reflective reply! Unfortunatly the damage is done allready, I wrote something about how much BPD triats resembled my experience during the relationship. I wrote it in reply to a topic thats on the social media site my ex and I share.

I think it is not so much about proving anything, as it is about anger and the search for closure.

[CoasterRider]

The people who are your friends know who you really are. What do you need to prove to them?

The people who knew yall as a couple and who know him, friends, family, ex's know how he is and what he really does even if he doesnt take responsibility for it.

More than likely they are on your side, but just wont blow trumpets on your behalf because at the end of the day they are his friends too. Most dont want to get involved.

BPD affects all interpersonal relationships so whether these people realize it or not they have been affected by his mood swings and disordered thoughts also. They arent stupid.  They may be acknowledge his writings and irrational accounts of your relationship by commenting or "liking" them but that is far from an affirmation of his thoughts, the silent truth is known by all. Even by him at some level.

My ex shares all kind of stuff on facebook, and post relationship meme's, like all of us, he's looking for validation for the way he thinks that's all. I wouldnt get too caught up on it.

[seeking balance]

What can I do?

Write your story - write it here!  Go ahead and get it out, release the anger.

I totally understand wanting to confront him and let your friends know your side - honestly, I do.  He will never, ever see your side - your reality and his are just different and nothing you can say to him will change that.

Re: friends

This is tough and for me, the fallout around friends caused grief that actually lasted longer than my grief over ex.  The ones that matter, know the truth.  The ones that don't, will believe what they want even in the face of all actions that present the "Truth."  Stick with acting in your values, clarify if asked directly, but this is where actions really do matter... . yours and theirs.

Peace,

SB

[santa]

If you're reading and keeping up with him on social media, that really isn't "no contact". 

Try doing total no contact and see if that doesn't help.

[Mutt]

I want to spill my guts because what he writes about is so freakin bizar and far fetched from the reality, and people are buying the crap he writes!

What can I do?

I'd be careful if I responded. You may find yourself on the other end of an internet  smear campaign with his sycophants in tow and they'll side w/ him.

The bigger the lie, the more gullible that they are.

Take the high road and don't let them drag you down to their level.

Write your story - write it here!  Go ahead and get it out, release the anger.

And this.

Vent to people that can empathise because they have experienced what you have experienced.