venting...

[Depression = 72% of members]

 some of you may have heard this stuff already... .

Long story short, we got back together, things were going great(ha to me) she told me she was in love with me still, I never stopped loving her even after our 8 months apart.  Then 5 weeks after we get back together after having an awesome time at a concert, we get back home and she out of nowhere tells me that we are moving too fast and that she needs a little "space"  . Well I talk to her and ask her to define "space" she looks me straight in the face and tells me that this is not a break or a break up, and that she wants "this" as in the relationship but she just wants a few days to herself.  Well, she was honest with me, it was a very productive conversation.  So I respect her need of some time to herself, I asked her how much she wanted and she said a week.  She lives 2 hours away so a week of not seeing her is normal so i'm thinking no big deal.  3 days later I wake up to my room mate calling me, he asks if "insert exBPD name here" if she went on a trip.  I laughed and said no, she went back home for a few days.  He tells me to get on facebook so I do... . She moved across the country to live my replacement.  Yup, I was replaced by someone who lived 2000 miles away.  A person that she never dated, but only hung out/hooked up with a few times after we broke up the first time(he lived in her town at the time).   

My room mate  told me that on her facebook page she professed her love for him a week after she moved... . A week.  What the heck she was in love with me just a few weeks before that.  Great idea right? Move across country to start a relationship that was built on a foundation of  deceit, betrayal, and cheating.  Now what kind of person does something like that?   Lesson learned, everyone told me not to take her back, but I didn't listen, I wanted this to work. 

Well, i'm tired of wanting it to work.  I'm tired of trying to make it work.  She has painted me black and has deleted me from her life.  Ive tried reaching out a few times and no response.  Ive tried to hate her but I can't.  I hate what she did.  I am a very confident person and I have strong compassion for the people I care about and I just cant hate her even after what she did to me.  This may be contradictory to my compassionate statement but I'd like to think that eventually all of the lies and betrayals she has dished out to people over the years will catch up to her. I have no shame in the thought of the Karma freight train blindsiding her at full speed.        

If I could ask her anything I would first ask: Why did you even bother getting back into a relationship with me if you wanted this other guy the entire time. And Id also like to ask her how the F%$K she was able to look in the mirror knowing that she was going to do this all along.  She deserves an Academy award for her truly brilliant performance.

[hybridax]

 some of you may have heard this stuff already... .

Long story short, we got back together, things were going great(ha to me) she told me she was in love with me still, I never stopped loving her even after our 8 months apart.  Then 5 weeks after we get back together after having an awesome time at a concert, we get back home and she out of nowhere tells me that we are moving too fast and that she needs a little "space"  . Well I talk to her and ask her to define "space" she looks me straight in the face and tells me that this is not a break or a break up, and that she wants "this" as in the relationship but she just wants a few days to herself.  Well, she was honest with me, it was a very productive conversation.  So I respect her need of some time to herself, I asked her how much she wanted and she said a week.  She lives 2 hours away so a week of not seeing her is normal so i'm thinking no big deal.  3 days later I wake up to my room mate calling me, he asks if "insert exBPD name here" if she went on a trip.  I laughed and said no, she went back home for a few days.  He tells me to get on facebook so I do... . She moved across the country to live my replacement.  Yup, I was replaced by someone who lived 2000 miles away.  A person that she never dated, but only hung out/hooked up with a few times after we broke up the first time(he lived in her town at the time).   

My room mate  told me that on her facebook page she professed her love for him a week after she moved... . A week.  What the heck she was in love with me just a few weeks before that.  Great idea right? Move across country to start a relationship that was built on a foundation of  deceit, betrayal, and cheating.  Now what kind of person does something like that?   Lesson learned, everyone told me not to take her back, but I didn't listen, I wanted this to work. 

Well, i'm tired of wanting it to work.  I'm tired of trying to make it work.  She has painted me black and has deleted me from her life.  Ive tried reaching out a few times and no response.  Ive tried to hate her but I can't.  I hate what she did.  I am a very confident person and I have strong compassion for the people I care about and I just cant hate her even after what she did to me.  This may be contradictory to my compassionate statement but I'd like to think that eventually all of the lies and betrayals she has dished out to people over the years will catch up to her. I have no shame in the thought of the Karma freight train blindsiding her at full speed.        

If I could ask her anything I would first ask: Why did you even bother getting back into a relationship with me if you wanted this other guy the entire time. And Id also like to ask her how the F%$K she was able to look in the mirror knowing that she was going to do this all along.  She deserves an Academy award for her truly brilliant performance.

[LilMissSunshine]

I'm soo sorry this happened to you hybridax.       In fact, I'm speechless.  So much so I thought I'd bump up this threat in the hopes of the " veterns " on this board chiming in with their great advice/thoughts.  Yeesh.  Um, yah... . speechless   

[SeekingAdviceinCa]

Hybridax,

I'm so very sorry.  That's just mind blowing.  All I can do is send my sincerest sympathies for what you are feeling and dealing with.  I can relate to you in some way.

When my stbxwife moved out 4 months ago to do a trial separation (we were supposed to remain married and work on us), she immediately joined dating site, was with multiple men, and found one guy that she fell madly for.  Completely idolized him.  Well, after 4 weeks of dating, he dumped her.  She was CRUSHED, devastated, distraught.  So much so that she contacted the dating site they used to meet and claimed this man was married, a predator who preys on women for one night stands, and not what he looked like in his profile.  It was just a month or two earlier that she was begging to have my baby (I refused to make a baby with a situation that seemed so chaotic.) then we separated.  To go from one person to the next so easily is just so difficult for me to understand.

Hang in there Hybridax.

[willtimeheal]

[quote author=hybridax link=topic=218381.msg12381466#msg12381466 date=139055026

Great idea right? Move across country to start a relationship that was built on a foundation of  deceit, betrayal, and cheating.  Now what kind of person does something like that?   [/quote]
A very mentally ill and fuc$ed up person.

[damage control]

So sorry to read about your situation Hybridax ... that really sucks.

I was long-distance with my ex for about 12 months with weeks where we would be together in the same city. He promised me that he was going to relocate to my side of the country but that got 'delayed' due to work issues - the last time we were planning to be be together was him coming to me for Xmas and new year.

In October 13 I got the opportunity to come to his city for a job interview and after some thought and a little discussion, decided to go for it and leave everything behind in my city and come to to him so we could be closer and find out if he and I could fit in each others' lives.

After doing that, I arrived and he dumped me just 9 days later - not only that, but he went on a date that very night with a woman he had been talking to online for a week or so. We were in the same house so he pretty much literally stepped over my crumpled and broken body to walk out the door.

I had absolutely no idea he was capable of that, I thought he and I were 'special' etc ... etc ... etc ... .

He is currently on my 2nd or 3rd replacement - he could even still be with the first woman as well ... who knows. That special Xmas and New year he was planning for us ... well ... he went away on his own - though I think my replacement spent the actual days with him in a cabin in the mountains while I was stuck in a strange city with no friends or family. What I was expecting and what I got are not even in the same ballpark ... it was and is still a complete shock to me.

I guess my point is that going through something that you didn't see coming and feeling betrayed and abandoned all at the same time is just overwhelming, but many people here have been through similar ... post, vent and let it out ... . you deserved better. You really did.

[hybridax]

Thank you for the replies and kind words.  Honestly, i'm doing ok.  This happened at the beginning of November so ive had a few months to cool down, but honestly in the beginning it was much worse than the first break up.  Im still doing all the same things I did before as I have a very productive life. Except I drink every day instead of only on the weekends.  But dont worry, im to the point now where I have 1 or 2 drinks instead of a bottle. 

It's kind of weird. I'm not angry or depressed.  My heart doesn't jolt when I hear her name and if I look at a picture of her, its like looking at someone I don't know... . but I do know her. 

I was never needy or pushy or anything.  All I did was care for her, love her, and treat her the best I could.  And for some reason because of that, it drove her insecurities and flipped her switch and now im the  .  Well if that's my crime then so be it.  I can honestly admit to myself that I did nothing wrong, that it wasn't my fault.  I just hate what happened. I was on such a high.  I had my girl back, got a new job and am moving soon.  Life was freaking awesome!  And then this BS happened.  This forum has been great and everyone on it has been very helpful.  My ex is undiagnosed, but she meets every BPD trait to the T.  She is also OCD and a bottler.  And I still care about her... .   I guess I don't hate her because its just who I am and I know shes f*&ked up so it just is what it is.  She mentioned that it was always about me... . Well what she did was pretty selfish and clearly it was all about her.  I'm going to write her an email.  I'm not going to press any blame or go into too much detail and ask why she did this and that because shes probably not going to respond.  But I have some things that I want to get off my chest about me.  Ive been thinking about it for over a month now.  A lot of people have told me to just not even bother with it, but to each his own.  I know I have to do this to get my own closure.  I don't need her to say anything or give me an explanation, her actions were closure enough.  And Ill admit.  The night she came to my house and wanted to get back together... . after we talked everything out and said we would do this, that we would work on things and communicate... . I said to myself... . "this could all blow up in your face again."  And knowingly I still went for it because if you don't try, you never know. And now I do.  Lastly, i'm moving across the country for work in another month.  She will be 3 hours away... . the proximity kind of bothers me.  She knows im moving because originally she was going to move with me.  I have this feeling that I haven't seen the last of her but if and when I see her again, at least this time ill be prepared and will know what im dealing with and what to say.