Today is my B'day/ 4 weeks NC & he just texted...

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I received a text at 9am this morning from him that simply said "Wishing you the happiest of birthdays" . that's all….it's a statement, not a question, and I'm sure he framed it that way cause I have been unresponsive to any of his 1/2 assed attempts to get me to respond to him without addressing any of the issues that destroyed us. Part of me just wants to send a simple "Thanks". Part of me wants to do nothing, I'm just sad It's this I have to reel about. Thanks for listening…SMH

[ShakinMyHead]

I received a text at 9am this morning from him that simply said "Wishing you the happiest of birthdays" . that's all….it's a statement, not a question, and I'm sure he framed it that way cause I have been unresponsive to any of his 1/2 assed attempts to get me to respond to him without addressing any of the issues that destroyed us. Part of me just wants to send a simple "Thanks". Part of me wants to do nothing, I'm just sad It's this I have to reel about. Thanks for listening…SMH

[Tolou]

Just remember why you went no-contact.  That is selfish of him to contact your birthday, the way he even phrased it like a statement says a lot.  I can't tell you what to do but I would stay no-contact!

[happylogist]

Hi, ShakingMyHead,

Just read your story and there is no "right" way of behaving, just rely on your intuition and be gentle to yourself, after all it is your birthday 4 weeks is a very short time, so be careful

Good luck!

Wish you to have the happiest year ahead of you

[ShakinMyHead]

Tolou, I won't reply. Thank you for your response. When you have sometime could you tell me more about what you meant about his phrasing and how it is selfish? While It feels that way, I just can't see it clearly when it comes to my own situation. Thank you for your support. SMH

[growing_wings]

Tolou, I won't reply. Thank you for your response. When you have sometime could you tell me more about what you meant about his phrasing and how it is selfish? While It feels that way, I just can't see it clearly when it comes to my own situation. Thank you for your support. SMH

HI Shakingmyhead... sounds like you are determined . keep it up!

mmmm my birthday is coming soon, and i have been 5 weeks NC now...   i hope i dont get a text ... .

[Tolou]

Hi SMH,

I see it as selfish because of the very fact that it is your bday! How dare he do that.  This is your day, you have been NC for 4 weeks, for a reason, you used the word destroyed in discussing how your realtionhsip ended, destroyed... . that's a strong word.  Him trying to get in contact with you is for his own validation and lack of self-esteem, he's pissed your ingnoring him, why? because it gives you control, something he doesn't have at all, atleast not anymore because your gone.  You responding by saying a simple "thanks", can have so much negative consequences because your opening a closed door.  Don't do that to him, or yourself.  If you truely want nothing to do with him, than act like.  If you had blocked his number, you wouldn't be feeling this right.

What do you get out of getting his text messages?  The truth is, you can do better, he is not the only person in the world.  He should respect that your going no-contact, for him to contact on the bday, to me atleast seems to be for his own intentions, not to wish you the best... . He's looking for a response, a door, leave it closed.  You have the keys, he wants in, it's up to you how you handle it.  I would block his number if I was done.

[mywifecrazy]

I received a text at 9am this morning from him that simply said "Wishing you the happiest of birthdays" . Part of me just wants to send a simple "Thanks". Part of me wants to do nothing, I'm just sad It's this I have to reel about. Thanks for listening…SMH

Very Interesting! My birthday was yesterday and my uBPDxw sent me a text wishing me a happy birthday too.  I choose not to respond to it because she didn't give a damn about my birthday when we were married, now all of a sudden I'm to believe that she really cares and wishes something good for me? Like someone else mentioned in this thread, I know her doing this was probably just to relieve some anxiety she was feeling about her horrible actions that she has done a continues to do.

I wish I could go 100% no contact but unfortunately I have two children with her so the only time I choose to talk to her is when It has to do with the kids and usually I only do it through email.

[ShakinMyHead]

Thank you Tolou, I agree. I'm holding strong. No sign of weakness here. No good will come from breaking no contact. I noticed through our relationship that although he gave at times of his choosing, he only gave when there was something in it for him. He would never take the risk and part with even 25 bucks to send flowers, not knowing he'd receive a positive reaction in return. What looked like giving at times, was always so far from generous, and always had an agenda. Thank you for writing back, and thank you all for your strength. Hugs, SMH

[Tolou]

Anytime... . You have the strength.  It isn't easy because of the emotions that are involved, but when you take a step back and look from the outside in, the rational side will usually tell you, don't do it.

I still struggle with it too, but in my mind I know the right thing to do.  My heart can sometimes mislead me, because of what I have been taught about being "good".  Sometimes we think, that if we do something that is good, or right, it shouldn't hurt... . But it is the opposite, sometimes doing the right thing does hurt and we associate the hurt with "negative" or wrong, but it's not.  Hope that makes sense?  Take care stay strong, and focus on yourself.