The ego of these people...

[State85]

Here is something my exgf posted on FB I find funny and outrageous. First, I do not look at her FB page; however, my sister does as she gets a laugh at the crazy things this girl posts. I asked her not to tell me anything posted, but she had to tell me about this:

My exgf went to the grocery store a couple of days ago and apparently some “nice gentlemen” approached her and commented how beautiful she was. My exgf thanked him and went on her way. Then she mentions how they ran into each other again in another department in the store, and this gentlemen again said how attractive she was, and how beautiful women are a “gift”. My exgf thanked him again.

This was posted as her status on FB about 10 minutes after this happened. And as usual, all of her male FB “friends” (or orbiters I call them), commented or liked this.

If this wasn’t the most egotistical crap I’ve ever heard of, I don’t know what is. It’s like “look at me, look at me”.  I know if this happened to me, I would not post it on FB for all to see……but that’s just me.

[almosthadme]

That's the Narc in her,mine is the same.A model  that craves attention and says it's promoting for work

[lucyhoneychurch]

Jane Austen has this one woman, married to a weird little vicar, Mrs Elton, saying things like, "People do tell me I am musical."


"Many of my friends compliment me on my sandwiches."

Etc.

We only broadcast what I think is wishful thinking.

I so shrink even from the most kind, maybe even true compliments who knows, thanks to my mother's beating it into me (literally) that I'm worthless.

Perhaps, very sadly, this exgf of yours has a similar background. If so... . only to be pitied. But I surely sympathize.

"REALLY?" is only word I can advise? and only in your head 

[Johnny Alias]

Mine has well over a hundred profile pics and posts COUNTLESS selfies on facebook.  Unfortunately social networking actually makes these people WORSE.  

Remember though, the idealization that they are giving THEMSELVES will turn on them one day.  Not unlike the wicked queen looking at the mirror and asking "who is the fairest in the land?" and finding out it is not them anymore is DEVASTATING.  Soon they begin to run out of attention from suitors.  Love is no longer thrown and them for being pretty because they aren't anymore.

These women become train wrecks at this point.  So much of their core identity is based on their looks rather than accomplishments.  These do run out in time... . and faster so for the substance abusers which many of our exes are.  

Mines time is almost done.  She'll still get some adoration to be sure, but people excusing her for being a nutcase because she's HOT?  Almost over.  People are already leaving and making fun of her.  Oh and if yours is an alcoholic like mine, guess what?  She's going to self medicate even MORE when as the looks fade and any sense of self she has disappears in a pile of wrinkles and white wine belly.  

And she deserves her pain... . she does... . I don't care if its wiring, a bad childhood, whatever... . she deserves to be isolated and alone so she can no longer hurt people.    

[Johnny Alias]

Oh and I should mention with more alcohol comes more RAGE... . just sayin... .

[Moonie75]

Oh and I should mention with more alcohol comes more RAGE... . just sayin... .

Agreed! Alcohol induced the most viscous rages I ever encountered.

[Lumpy_]

I think you can read too much into things, which is probably why it was wise for you to not be told what she posts.

I know plenty of emotionally stable women who are very flattered to receive that kind of attention and simply wish to share it, a nugget that has brightened their day.

I don't doubt at all that your ex-partner was otherwise a complete loon , but jus' sayin' - everyone likes to feel good about themselves and there's nothing inherently evil in that.

[GreenMango]

It might help to talk to your sister about hearing about her antics again.  It's just a way to get upset again by the histrionics.

[toomanytears]

It might help to talk to your sister about hearing about her antics again.  It's just a way to get upset again by the histrionics.

Yes it's very easy to get sucked back into their weird world.  I've just allowed myself some stupid email exchanges with my BPDh. His bizarre responses have at least reminded me how disegulated he is. However just having this brief but angry contact has disregulated me. The best thing is NC. Stay away!

[Tausk]

If this wasn’t the most egotistical crap I’ve ever heard of, I don’t know what is. It’s like “look at me, look at me”.  I know if this happened to me, I would not post it on FB for all to see……but that’s just me.

If you ex has BPD, then it might be ego, but the behavior is more than likely her trying to cover some of the shame of her existence and trying to fill the void of a lack of self.  

Just like I liked having her on my arm, because she was 15 years younger and "supermodel" beautiful.  It wasn't entirely my ego that liked it, but just as much as a way to compensate for my lack of self esteem.  She validated my false self.  She was like a carpet that covered a giant hole of shame and fear inside me.  

The examples in life are numerous.  Napoleonic complexes.  Losers with big pick up trucks who drive like aholes.  Women who wear way too much make up.  Girls who are "easy" so the boys will like them. It's not egotistical.  It's SHAME.  And I reflected much of that back onto my ex as well.

[buddy1226]

Love it johnny... mine is a big time alcoholic and takes amphetamines and benzos every single day... She's 34 and can look hot if she has too but I see it slipping... can;t wait for that time you described.

[Tausk]

And she deserves her pain... . she does... . I don't care if its wiring, a bad childhood, whatever... . she deserves to be isolated and alone so she can no longer hurt people.    

Perhaps isolating them is best for society.  I've often wanted to start a registry like for sex offenders.  And a branded scarlet B on the forehead also seems like a nice early warning signal.

But do they deserve their pain?  If so, then they must be truly evil because I know that my ex survives in more pain and fear from each moment of her nightmare existence, than I could handle in a lifetime.   And my ex survives her pain and terror even though she really doesn't even have a sense of self. 

I can't even put a dollar amount on how much I would need to be willing to feel my ex's emotions for even an instant.  I would probably go insane in a heartbeat. 

A pwBPD's intent is usually pure, especially at the start.  That's part of the reason I was vulnerable to being mirrored by her.    But the disorder causes control, punishment, anger to manifest as the mirror breaks and the reality of her existence sets in.  It's perhaps the saddest and most pathetic existence that I can think of. 

In my interaction,  I was supposed to be the sane and healthy one.  I was supposed to be independent and in control of my behavior.  Yet, I participated in so much of the destruction.  My ego keeps me from looking at my responsibility.  My ego, seeks revenge for the hurt that I feel from her betrayal.  My ego inhibits my recovery.

If I was the healthy one, what do I deserve for my participation in the Disorder?

[santa]

Oh and I should mention with more alcohol comes more RAGE... . just sayin... .

Agreed! Alcohol induced the most viscous rages I ever encountered.

+1

Worst rages I've ever seen

[Lady31]

State - This happened to me the other day at Walmart.  I did NOT post it on FB.  The guy kept running into me in different parts of the store.  I did NOT take it as a compliment - the guy was creeping me out.  She may like the creepos though - so there you have it.  LOL.

Buddy - Who the heck mixes meth and benzos?  I guess that's fitting for a pwBPD - the high/up & low/down.

[Turkish]

My Ex, after being dumped by the Love of Her Life a few mnth's previous, ran into a guy on the street who told her she was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. She said "whatever." He said, no, really! She ended up in a 3 mo r/s with the guy which resulted in him moving in with her for 2 weeks, him stealng her car, and she getting a RO on him. How I didn't see this as a   s beyond me... . anything for validation of their empty selves.

[Turkish]

State - This happened to me the other day at Walmart.  I did NOT post it on FB.  The guy kept running into me in different parts of the store.  I did NOT take it as a compliment - the guy was creeping me out.  She may like the creepos though - so there you have it.  LOL...

That is creepy... . do you think before your r/s with your BPD that you might have engaged with someone like that?

[growing_wings]

FB is the preferred platform for BPD with Narcissistic traits, they LOVE posting and exagerating stuff that happens to them, for several reasons:

1. Validation from people through getting "likes"

2. They can invent their own stories and noone can confront them to say they are lies

3. THey keep the facade/Mask alive. My pwBPD used to put photos of her smiling, of her in the subway, of her waiting for a train... all of them with massive smiles... . (if people would only know what i know about her... . they would not believe it)

[Happy1]

Mine posts all sorts of staged images of herself with her hubby and family all of the time on FB. What's so fake about them is that they're always sort of with hands waved in a "ta-da" sort of motion gesture. There's nothing simply innocent or no staged about any of the images. No candids of any kinds. Granted, she and the hubby are photographers, but that should be all the more reason to have nice looking candids as opposed to some sort of canned posed shots all of the time.

A few weeks ago, she posted a shot of her and the hubby from their wedding on their anniversary. It read "19 yrs. you are the love of my life." At first, I was hurt/jealous, then I remembered that when we were together that, I was the "love of her life." I rarely throw things around like that to people I've dated, etc.

The reason I believe these things are posted is just like others have said here, it's a validation to the world and themselves. They want to either or both, create a place to reflect upon when they're having trouble with their identity or to solicit kudos from onlookers/friends who haven't a clue to their very nature.

As an aside. Back when I was involved with this woman, I once found a slide I'd sent her of myself (I'm a photographer too) in a letter from a trip I was on in the center open console of her car. I thought it was strange as it was about a year after I'd sent it. When I asked her, she said, "Oh, it must have fallen out from the letter." Then I read, that BPDs often times keep images of loved ones close by to reflect upon when they feel "lost" in terms of their identity. As in, they use them to remind themselves that someone loves them, etc.

So, I'm fairly certain this is what FB does for a lot of them. Validates them when necessary, perpetuates the "image" of themselves they are trying to construct and convince others of, and to some extent likely to pull at the heart strings of their loved ones for transgressions they've made against them (essentially as a means of forgiveness).

[State85]

Yep,

Mine has had as her cover photo, just a shot of her green eyes. Which was cropped from a picture... . just her eyes. Probably because so many have commented on her lovely green eyes! sick.

Her last contact photo was a black and white, cropped just to show her from the breast down, in a very provocative pose. Well this brought out all the male "friends"... . comment after comment after comment... . mostly about, "where is the rest of the picture", "any clothes on below".

that's just about crazy if you ask me... . then the pics of her in a bikini... . I could go on... .