Years Later

[HOF]

Gone a long time.

6 years from divorce, maybe 9 from separation

So, just how well does supposedly co-parenting with a totally crazy BPD XW work?

My  daughter was just  Baker Acted  - suicidal - 1 son disowned entirely by X, now living happily with me in violation of court order, other son thrown out of X's as unmanageable violent drugee, now very happy and productively living with me in violation of court order.   1 daughter drops out of school with no real plans to finish or take online courses, or even test out with a GED - she's staying home to "help mom" by getting a job and giving her money, significantly curtailed her staying with me so that she can "take care of mom".  1 daughter should be in therapy for self described "self hatred"

related or not?   2 daughters are gender dysphoric

all minors.

AND crazy ass X still sends 3 AM hate text in the middle of the night and wee hours of the morning with no apparent prompting, and she hid that daughter was baker acted today, got word from my daughters girl friend just before it happened.

They are now old enough to be heard by the judge, if the judge agreed to it, with no guarantees their wishes would be paid attention to, but by the time I get infront of a judge, they will no longer be minors and it won't matter.   So, those that live at home do it constantly worried that one day she will change her mind and call the police.  Police have already told me, right or wrong, if the court order says the boys should be with her, they will have no choice but remove them from my home, and drag them back.

13 months left, and they are adults.  (Higher Order Multiples... . same age)  I count every day.


On a positive note, I have remarried, gained a step daughter, and very recently a grand daughter.   My wife of 4 years now (together 5) was my first girlfriend, she deals with the fallout from BPDX with grace, and is an awesome life partner.  I am blessed, and only a few months to go till the worst of the nightmare can be behind me.


Total bill... . now over $300K

Daddy

[mywifecrazy]

On a positive note, I have remarried, gained a step daughter, and very recently a grand daughter.   My wife of 4 years now (together 5) was my first girlfriend, she deals with the fallout from BPDX with grace, and is an awesome life partner.  I am blessed, and only a few months to go till the worst of the nightmare can be behind me.

Total bill... . now over $300K

Daddy

WOW!

Thanks for sharing your story. I thought I had it rough because I found my uBPDxw in bed with my neighbor from across the street on Father's Day 2013. I was lucky that she was SOO IMPULSIVE that she rushed through the divorce and it only cadt me $22,000 in the settlement. I kept the house, retirement, etc. she even gave me primary custody of kids. The only hard part for me is dealing with her being with my neighbor. She was living there for a bit but I convinced her (for now, she such a lying manipulative b**ch). I APPLAUD you for doing your best to try to save your kids from her destruction. That's what my biggest challenge is, Not letting her CRAZINESS ruin my boys (14&9) again I'm lucky because I have primary custody.

Thanks again for sharing. It's helpful to see someone years out from the breakup and how they are doing.  My prayers for you and your family.  I'm happy to hear that you found someone that is GOOD for you!

[HOF]

save your kids from her destruction. That's what my biggest challenge is, Not letting her CRAZINESS ruin my boys

Its all we can do.  Mission #1 is protect the kids, because for the most part, the courts, and most of the members of this industry don't care a damn about them... .   witness my daughter baker acted, a son disowned by his mother, another thrown out by his mother... .

NO matter how you try... the damage never stops.

[DreamGirl]

Hey there HOF,

Violating court orders is a little bit different when both parties agree - and it sounds like these are mutual decisions in the best interest of each kiddo? My 17 year old can't really be told what to do at this point when it comes to visitation.   

Are the kiddos that are living with you in therapy? Do they all still talk to each other at least?

[apple]

The whole idea of "Co-parenting" is a complete and utter lie sold to many who do not accept reality and want to live in fantasy.

Whomever has primary custody is the one making the decisions and there is nothing "CO" about parenting kids in separate households. It's all a bunch of bullhit so they can make themselves feel ok for hiting men over and keeping up appearances.

My CBEXW says she wants to co-parent to my sons T and it's bullhit. The CB asks me what I think and 100% always chooses to do the opposite so why f-ing ask me?   She doesn't want to co-parent,

[Soulsisters]

Hof,

Your new wife must give you joy every day to be able to handle the drama.  Congratulations.  Give her lots of snuggles.

I am now with my best friend from childhood. What a blessing, he definitely has saved me through some of the times, and always cuddles with me.  I lived with 20 years of no snuggles, ever.

Hey dreamgirl,

How is your 17 year old dealing?

Mine is so angry with me and refuses to see me or talk to me.  Every single day it hurts like hell.  He doesn't have to see me if he doesn't want to and he blames me for everything.  I was just curious when you commented on your 17 year old and getting to choose.

Have a good week all

[mywifecrazy]

The whole idea of "Co-parenting" is a complete and utter lie sold to many who do not accept reality and want to live in fantasy.

Whomever has primary custody is the one making the decisions and there is nothing "CO" about parenting kids in separate households. It's all a bunch of bullhit so they can make themselves feel ok for hiting men over and keeping up appearances.

My CBEXW says she wants to co-parent to my sons T and it's bullhit. The CB asks me what I think and 100% always chooses to do the opposite so why f-ing ask me?   She doesn't want to co-parent,

Thank You soo much for your post. I've been raising my S14 & S9 since my uBPDxw decided to abandon her kids and me for a new VICTIM. She only sees them every other weekend. She had the AUDACITY to tell me we need to do a better job of CO-PARENTING in one of her crying slobbering feel sorry for me phone calls. I laughed in her face. I told her I'm raising these kids all by myself I'm all for her starting to do her her part as CO! In reality I wish she would have ran away with her boyfriend. She only makes things worse by being close and CHOOSING not to be with my sons. They are reminded on a daily basis that their mother CHOOSES not to be with them

You are so right. I have primary custody and I'm the one raising my boys! Co-Parenting MY ASS!

She only sees them 1-1/2 days every 2 weeks and she's happy with that. My 9yr old had his first violin concert at school last night... . She didn't even show up! That's fine by me. I have enough love for my 2 sons to make up fir her sorry ass!

[broken3]

guys,

please just pretend they do not exist when it comes to being a parent.

Just keep doing the right thing and forget about the bull crap threats about not communicating or co-parenting.

It's all about control.

Whenever they feel they can exert power over you it makes them feel " special".

Feelings versus facts.

My stbxw only showed up for 19% of the court ordered visitation.

Yet, boy could she comment and rage daily about what they and I should do daily.Or actually when it was good for her. As sometimes if she was "busy". It might take a day or two.

[HOF]

sorry for not replyting to  allyou who were good enough to reply back.


All these years past separation... . and WHAM... . new escalations... what the #)$*(_)#*(_  does she really want to accomplish?

re. therapy, several yes, some no.

Son has adopted mom's rage, and I just can't do it.  This weekend is ultimatum time... .

She created a rage monster, then threw him out because of rage, I don't know what my son will do, be there are people in the house fearing for their safety in the face of his rage.

My wonderful wife, even hid all the kitchen knives.

BPD - what a way to screw up children and lives.

HOF