To tell or not to tell?

[Depression = 72% of members]

As I begin to set firmer (and more frequent) boundaries with my uBPD mother, I am going to suggest once again that she seek counseling.  However, she has NO clue why she would ever need counseling because she's not able to see anything wrong in herself.  She has said herself that she wouldn't know what in the world to say to a counselor and she wouldn't know why she was even there.  My counselor has reassured me that I've given her plenty of reasons and clues as to why she needs to see a counselor by the emotional and physical boundaries that I have put in place.

Is it at all helpful or beneficial to tell a uBPD that you believe they have BPD and you think it would be worth exploring in counseling?  Or does it just cause more problems in the long run? 

[puppetnomore]

As I begin to set firmer (and more frequent) boundaries with my uBPD mother, I am going to suggest once again that she seek counseling.  However, she has NO clue why she would ever need counseling because she's not able to see anything wrong in herself.  She has said herself that she wouldn't know what in the world to say to a counselor and she wouldn't know why she was even there.  My counselor has reassured me that I've given her plenty of reasons and clues as to why she needs to see a counselor by the emotional and physical boundaries that I have put in place.

Is it at all helpful or beneficial to tell a uBPD that you believe they have BPD and you think it would be worth exploring in counseling?  Or does it just cause more problems in the long run? 

[P.F.Change]

You are asking a very common question. Most of us have wanted to help our loved one get help, because we want a better relationship. We can see so clearly there is something wrong, and we wonder why they can't--or won't. It's part of the illness; people with BPD have very strong defenses in place, such as projection and splitting, to protect them from feelings of inner shame...

I guess I would ask what you hope to achieve. Will telling your mother you think she is seriously mentally ill get you that result?

You might want to check out this topic: PERSPECTIVES: Telling someone that you think they have BPD

Wishing you peace,

PF

[puppetnomore]

Thanks so much!  I'll definitely check out that link!