I am SCARED, all this time I was outnumbered by crazy and there aren't enough ba

[okaythen]

There aren't enough barricades to shut out the father, the mother, the 'friend', the sister, the daughter. Memories of things so twisted they make no sense. One time during an emotional rant my udBPDkid told me,"You said you wished I'd never been born!" accusingly. I thought no I didn't but maybe I'd told her that my BPD mother had told us 3 kids that right after she divorced and decided she was gay. I remember her calmly saying that she should have never had kids, she had just had us because that's what everyone was doing around her at the time. Yea it hurt. That's why I'd never tell my kid that. Besides I had wanted her, desperately. Calgon, take me away. Please.

[Kwamina]

Hi okaythen,

I'm sorry to hear you're feeling this way. These BPD accusations are very difficult tio handle, how old is your daughter?

Growing up with a BPD mom isn't easy at all, I've experienced it myself so I can definitely sympathize with you. You also mention your father and sister, do you believe they have BPD too?

[GeekyGirl]

Hi okaythen,

I'm sorry that remembering these events is bringing you pain. It can be very upsetting when unwanted memories creep up on you. 

As hard as it can be at times, remembering is a big part of healing, as you'll see in the Survivor's Guide. What's good is that you recognize how damaging your mother's comments were and are taking steps to not inflict the same pain on your child.

What can you do to feel better when you have these memories?

[hoping4hope]

I feel surrounded by craziness also.  My non-BPD husband adopted an accusation against me from his adult BPDs, which was completely untrue and my husband was there so he knows it was not true.

So, I let fly... . we will not lose touch with reality.  You will not accuse me of things that are not true especially when you know they are not true.  Your son's lack of touch with reality will NOT spread. He can believe what he likes, but YOU were there you know it is not true and yes, I will keep repeating and repeating this until you acknowledge the truth. Keeping hold of the truth is important.  Do not let go of it.

My husband came out of the FOG and remembered what really happened.

Okaythen, You would not have said that to your child... . and you didn't. You must keep the truth in your head even if the BPD will never admit it.

To lose hold of the truth leads to entering the fog.

[okaythen]

I'm sorry I didn't post here any sooner! Nobody is speaking to me right now so it's been peaceful, but it may not last, bc I am open to reconnecting, only via counseling. But thank you for your loving encouragement and sympathy. I also saw my old therapist last week and hope to continue. And when I asked him if he's had experience working with people with BPD he made a little explosive noise and said "Yes." So that holds promise. I had trouble getting back on this forum (idk why) but here I am again~YAY!

[P.F.Change]

Hi, okaythen, and welcome back!

I'm glad to hear you are seeking therapy again for yourself--that can really help. It's also good that you are open to resuming contact with your family members, and I can understand your need for caution and boundaries there.

You mentioned your mother and father in that post from last year. Do you think they both have BPD? This would be a good board to work on your own recovery from your  childhood with a sibling and/or parents with BPD. (There is also another board where you can work through issues with your daughter.) When you have a chance, you might check out the Lessons here on this board, as well as the Survivor's Guide (for which we have a click-able summary over in the right margin--^)

Hope to see more of your posts and how things go with your therapist!

Wishing you peace,

PF

[Kwamina]

Welcome back okaythen! We all need a break sometimes, just know that we're here if you need us