I want it now

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I want it now!  It amazes me how even when you try to be patient with an ex BPD spouse they still want it all now.  The other day my exBPDw asked about information for a DC trip my daughter was going on for school.  When she did not receive her packet from school she wanted all the info from me.  It just happened to be my weekend off so I was with my new girlfriend, and my ex wanted the information immediately - I told her that I would be more than happy to drop it off at her house about 4 hours latter - then the ranting starts - ugh! How I just cant give her an answer immediately, how I'm so different when I'm with my new girlfriend, how I don't care about my daughter - all of this because I was going to be the good guy again, but that was still not enough, she couldn't wait for 4 hours - she wanted to ruin my weekend and needed it now.  The funny part is after being married to her I can tell you that she won't help my daughter pack until that day, or at best the night before - so 2 weeks until the trip happens but she needs the info on luggage NOW! It's the same with texts if I don't answer within 5 minutes she'll call or try throwing a fit - anyone else with similar experiences?

[cal644]

I want it now!  It amazes me how even when you try to be patient with an ex BPD spouse they still want it all now.  The other day my exBPDw asked about information for a DC trip my daughter was going on for school.  When she did not receive her packet from school she wanted all the info from me.  It just happened to be my weekend off so I was with my new girlfriend, and my ex wanted the information immediately - I told her that I would be more than happy to drop it off at her house about 4 hours latter - then the ranting starts - ugh! How I just cant give her an answer immediately, how I'm so different when I'm with my new girlfriend, how I don't care about my daughter - all of this because I was going to be the good guy again, but that was still not enough, she couldn't wait for 4 hours - she wanted to ruin my weekend and needed it now.  The funny part is after being married to her I can tell you that she won't help my daughter pack until that day, or at best the night before - so 2 weeks until the trip happens but she needs the info on luggage NOW! It's the same with texts if I don't answer within 5 minutes she'll call or try throwing a fit - anyone else with similar experiences?

[Clearmind]

she wanted to ruin my weekend and needed it now. 

you are giving her too much power - you are the only one who can allow her to ruin your weekend?

Curious Cal - what is the purpose of asking others if they have experienced the same? She has been your wife for a long time - if its familiar to you is that not enough to understand its a pattern? What can you do for you now?

[cal644]

great question - actually some good friends I have met who's ex's also had similar exBPDw and my current girl friend have all said don't answer any texts for at least 24 hours unless it's urgent - I guess my own personal feelings are "don't poke the bear" - maybe I just think it's easier to comply - so I don't have to put up with all of the anger - give her what she wants at the moment - so I can get it over with - maybe odd thinking - but like I said I don't want to poke the bear - just give her her honey - so she'll be satisfied for the moment so I can move on

[Mutt]

so 2 weeks until the trip happens but she needs the info on luggage NOW! It's the same with texts if I don't answer within 5 minutes she'll call or try throwing a fit - anyone else with similar experiences?

I have experienced this often and I still do. It's the lack of respect and acting at the emotional level of a child. If it's not an emergency, I agree with 24 hours or longer.

I set boundaries with my ex and she didn't like it, but she got the message after awhile. She still tests them from time to time. Don't let her make you feel bad. Set boundaries and defend them.

[seeking balance]

great question - actually some good friends I have met who's ex's also had similar exBPDw and my current girl friend have all said don't answer any texts for at least 24 hours unless it's urgent - I guess my own personal feelings are "don't poke the bear" - maybe I just think it's easier to comply - so I don't have to put up with all of the anger - give her what she wants at the moment - so I can get it over with - maybe odd thinking - but like I said I don't want to poke the bear - just give her her honey - so she'll be satisfied for the moment so I can move on

I dunno, doesn't sound like your plan is working because you are posting about it here.  Easier for who when you comply?

You have a daughter, teaching boundaries by modeling them is how kids learn.

Boundaries - important life lessons.