Hey thanks for all the replies.Makes me fee less alone in this.
I know being so invested is not healthy hence why I'm looking into how I can get free counselling myself and not just because of this situation. Obviously I am very worried about him, he has had a poor network of support so to alleviate my own worries I am talking to a close friend of his who knows and wants to help so that she keeps an eye on him and supports him more. I am trying to encourage him to open up to others so I can be sure he has other people to lean on (tbh he detests leaning on anyone including me as he feels he is weak for doing so).
He is pretty up and down in recovery... . attempting to get on top of work before crashing and self harming ( for the first time in many months).
I feel for you, Miss Topaz.
Remember that there is no medication for BPD itself. If he is taking a stabilizer, it is for bipolar disorder or some other mood disorder (but I think that bipolar is the only one that requires a stabilizer).
As a personality disorder, BPD does not respond to any medication. It is a question of awareness and coping (mindfulness). Of course, many pwBPD have co-morbidity with a mood disorder.
The meds are mood stabilisers but the doc recommended them after he suspected Borderline. Both my Boyfriend and I agree they help so I dunno... . perhaps it helps with lifting his mood and helps with the depression side of things
. However
getting him to do something is difficult and not very productive.
The bolded parts in Grey Kitty's excellent reply are cornerstones to a better life and relationship with your bf. You are not his therapist. Sounds like you're in this pretty deep though. Stepping away from
his issues while spending more time building up
your life will make a huge difference
His issues do not have to become your life!
Has your anxiety gone away since seeing him? Are things resolved? Are you still worried about him? Does he take up much if not most of your thinking space?
Our love and worry and anxiety and what we think/feel are helpful for someone else might actually be hindrances. As hard as it may feel to step way way back, it's in the best interest of everyone involved to do just that. To simply stop. And sit with our anxiety. That is where we find our strength.
It is okay to say, think, ponder... , 'ya know, I can't be in a relationship with someone that refuses to seek real professional help for their emotional problems. It's affecting me in a negative way'. That may very well be your boundary. But to say, 'I know what the problem is, this is what you need to do, here are some websites and blogs to look at, medications to take etc... . because I feel anxious when you dump me', is an entirely different story. One that doesn't usually have a happy ending. It's shining a spotlight on them, while we hide behind the curtain. It doesn't bring us closer to them or what we really desire.
I'm glad you're aware of needing to do more for yourself Do you feel ready to try something different?
I don't feel 'dumped' anymore I suppose, I feel concerned mostly about him getting on with uni work. I have cultivated a more relaxed attitude to low days that don't seem like a major worry and I now know the 'split's are not real. I want him to get better for him as a friend ( we were friends before) and as a girlfriend and for me as I want to see a more steady improvement that benefits us as a couple and me. He hasn't ever had any DBT etc and has mostly had support for depression in the form of counselling. But his absence from counselling(unavoidable they are not available outside of term time) has fuelled a fear of it that is frustrating.
I am trying to look at my involvement differently I suppose that's why I'm hoping his support network widens and that mine does too.
I hope I quoted correctly
