Today has been rough. I do know why, but it's so small and pathetic I'm not going to share that. I've been weepy and teary all day. I tried to combat that by being strong and deleting the last couple of pieces of media I had of her, the final little video snippet and picture I had saved on my computer. It didn't work.
So I decided to go another route and make a mental list of everything that triggers me and found myself *almost* laughing about it.
So here are the things that make me cry/remind me of her/send me into a tailspin:
every song I hear
concerts, concert advertisements, ticket websites
gingers (she wasn't one but her ex was )
elevators
libraries
Rainbows, anywhere, on anything (All things gay, because well... . she was super gay. And I was super gay for her. )
Any combination of bright colors that could be considered rainbow-esque including tie-dye (anywhere), stripes with more than two colors present, and anything hot pink
The HRC logo
anything anywhere referring to equality
the word "equal" or "Equality" in any context, including on little pink packets (also had a job interview with the equal opportunity employment commission, even that was a trigger!)
Cafes
milk
tea
crepes
eggs
fish
fondue
cookie butter/biscoff butter
passing any place we ate
dave and busters
driving on her street (it's a major road in my city)
passing hotels we stayed in
my kids/grandmother/friends/classmates who didn't know we were dating asking me how she's doing
hearing or seeing her first name or her nickname (both pretty common)
hearing or seeing her family members' names
hearing her best friend's name
anything related to AA
Fibromyalgia commercials
dogs
cats
animals in general
the green couch in my study
ipads and associated applications namely Skype, FaceTime, spotify etc.
Any reference to Harlem
Roller derby, and anything involving the words "roller" or "derby" such as high rollers, hair rollers, kentucky derby, or Derby PA.
Helmets
knee pads
mouth guards
duct tape
qtips
mucinex
hookah bars
sushi
chopsticks
text bubbles
emoticons
trader joe's
baggy jeans
the name of her state
the name of her city/metro area which is huge and mentioned at least daily and for some reason I imagine her as being the only human being who lives there
trying to have sex with my estranged(?) husband
trying to decide whether get a divorce from my estranged husband/best friend
trying to fantasize about ANYTHING besides her
a-holes driving and texting
Prius(es?)
Blue cars
celtic hearts
crocheted hats
hot weather
cold weather
throwing away stuff she gave me
wanting to wear something something she gave me that I threw away
wearing jewelry or clothes that she liked on me
wearing jewelry or clothes that I THINK she would like on me
wanting to wear jewelry or clothes of mine that I know she has
finding one of her socks in my laundry
masquerades and related... .
cherry blossoms (happy Spring!)
anyone mentioning Ireland
Books she recommended to me, books I recommended to her
going to supervision/campus
going to the campus health center
thrift stores
ridiculous fashion glasses
whac-a-mole
go-carts
taking my kids anywhere we took them (library, park etc)
sitting in parking lots for long periods of time
pretty much all of my underwear
Soo, it should be really easy to avoid all that stuff and get over her, right?
Two fold question: one, what are some of the ridiculous or unavoidable things that remind you or your ex? At this point I think the healthiest thing to do is to have a sense of humor about it--at least for me.
and two, PLEASE tell me it gets better and that some point I will be able to drive somewhere or eat something or watch TV without thinking about and MISSING her!
