Finally, I see the courtroom ahead

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

My attorney told me a year ago that my case would end up in the court room.  I never thought it would take so long to get there.  I have done everything as cleanly as I can.  I ran out of money for my attorney 9 months ago, and I am trying very hard to stay out of bankruptcy.  My ex, who has a B.S. that he refuses to use, doesn't work, so I get to pay him temporary spousal support. He is expecting that I will pay all of his attorney's fees.  All the while, he pretended that he would be reasonable and negotiate.  The courts gave him continuance after continuance hoping we would reach a settlement. Finally, on my friend's advice, I just refused to talk to the other side anymore.  I figured that since I had been generous in the way I dealt with him up to that point, I could afford to look a bit stubborn at this point.  So we go to court in 3 weeks.  Yay!  I never thought going to a trial would make me happy, but I am convinced it is better than living in purgatory any longer.   

[sad but wiser]

My attorney told me a year ago that my case would end up in the court room.  I never thought it would take so long to get there.  I have done everything as cleanly as I can.  I ran out of money for my attorney 9 months ago, and I am trying very hard to stay out of bankruptcy.  My ex, who has a B.S. that he refuses to use, doesn't work, so I get to pay him temporary spousal support. He is expecting that I will pay all of his attorney's fees.  All the while, he pretended that he would be reasonable and negotiate.  The courts gave him continuance after continuance hoping we would reach a settlement. Finally, on my friend's advice, I just refused to talk to the other side anymore.  I figured that since I had been generous in the way I dealt with him up to that point, I could afford to look a bit stubborn at this point.  So we go to court in 3 weeks.  Yay!  I never thought going to a trial would make me happy, but I am convinced it is better than living in purgatory any longer.   

[ForeverDad]

Likely you supporting him all these months gave him incentive to stretch it out.  After wall, he saw it as a gift, why should he refuse?  My ex did the same, she had a very favorable temporary custody & parenting time order, she turned my lawyer's estimate of 7-9 months into nearly two years.  When Trial Morning came, I walked in the door ready for trial but was greeted with the news she was finally ready to settle.  That's what happens with cases like ours.

Make sure his income is IMPUTED at a level commensurate with his training and degrees.  Court may be inclined to let the past pattern continue into the future but fight that, don't make it easy for the court to order you to let him keep leeching off you.  No more lazy bum bleeding you dry.  He's an adult, let him stand on his own two feet.  Let him pay his own bills, if he says he has not money then tell him he can pay it out of HIS marital equity, if any.  Fight that pressure to give in.

For example, he's had no job for the past year?  How about looking for a job?  Getting retrained?  This past year is when he ought to have been doing that.  Make sure that is clearly stated to the court.  It's not like he's home parenting little children all day... .

Remember, if you have an inheritance it is not a part of marital assets.  It gets murky if the money was commingled with marital funds, but still try to keep it out of reach.