Adult child of mother with BPD

[Peaceforme35]

I am 35 and my mother has BPD. I realized later in life how co-dependent my mother has been since I was a kid. My mother tried to commit suicide 5 times in the last 10 years. The first time was when I was pregnant with my daughter, the 2nd I had just bought my house, 3rds I was pregnant with my son, 4th seems random and 5th was when my stepfather asked for a divorce... . 3 weeks ago. I feel like I have always been on an emotional tug of war with her and the anger I feel can consume me. I finally decided to reach out because for so long she has been misdiagnosed or so she says. I think dr has told her in the past this diagnosis but she didn't like what she heard and looked for another dr that would tell her what she wanted to hear. Now, this last hospitalization has seemed to open her eyes to her BPD and she is starting to at least try and help herself.

Emotionally it is very draining to deal with her and everything I say is wrong or mean and I am either horrible or the best. Right now I think I am in good graces. I am just waiting for the bottom to drop and well, always walking on egg shells.

[Mutt]

 

Hi Peaceforme35,

I would like to welcome you. I'm sorry to hear about the stress, pain, hurt and frustrations that your mother has caused you, and your family.   A mother should be happy and supportive when their child is going to give them a grandchild, and milestones like purchasing a home. It sounds like your mother has triggers. I understand when you say a pwBPD, consume you emotionally and can make you feel drained, or you feel like you are constantly walking on eggshells.

You are not alone in this. Our members share similar experiences as you. Read as much as you can about BPD to get an understanding of how the disorder works.

When a family member has BPD, the illness can negatively affect everyone in the family system, including children, siblings, and in-laws. Senior members on the [L5]  Coping and Healing from a BPD Parent, Sibling, or Inlaw board are experienced with and can help you with setting boundaries, finding relief from FOG, encouraging self-care, improving your handling of relationships impacted by your BPD relative, and pursuing a path of recovery from traumatic experiences. The validation, information, and support will give you strength on your journey.

Treatment of Borderline Personality Disorder [New]

How a Mother with Borderline Personality Disorder Affects Her Children

Boundaries Tools of Respect

TOOLS: Dealing with threats of Suicide and Suicide Attempts

I'm glad that you have found us.


- Mutt   

[peaceplease]

PeaceforMe35,

 I would like to join Mutt in welcoming you to bpdfamily.   I am glad that you found us here, and I am sorry about your mom, too.

The good news is that your mom sounds like she is accepting her diagnosis.  That is the very first step. 

Mutt has given you some great resources.  I have no more to add.  I hope you will continue to post.

peaceplease

[scallops]

dear Peaceforme35

I wanted to reach out and welcome you to this site... . I am so sorry for the struggles you are having with your mom. She does seem to be suffering a great deal but I am glad she has accepted the DX finally and the work can begin... . please check out the healing board and also take the time to take care of yourself... .