children of BPD parenting

[cron65]

Does anyone know what happens to the kids of BPD moms. My ex takes them into her bed each night, she doesn't discipline, she shares authority with them, she gives them options, they basically do what they want, the two boys are always with each other, the older boy is cruel to younger boy, she puts both of them on a pedestal, they are pale, sickly(as is the mom).

Can anyone share with me any experiences they may have with the above... or direct me to some relevant literature? I am very interested and disturbed at her practice of taking boys into her own bed(emotional incest/enmeshment).

Thank you

[free-n-clear]

   Hi, cron65.

  My uBPDxgf has two young kids and displays many of those behaviours. She also has two older kids (D21, S16) from whom she's estranged, which may give you an indication of what potentially happens to the children of BPD parents. I take it from another of your texts that you're not the Dad?

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=9.0

  This link will take you to the Co-parenting board, where you'll find discussion on these issues.   

[cron65]

Yes, I am not the father.

[pessim-optimist]

What you talk about is a serious topic and there are consequences for any type of dysfunctional parenting... .

There are several books on that topic, among them these: (Surviving a Borderline Parent, Understanding the Borderline Mother). There are also how-to books to help children deal with that kind of experience, I can give you some links if you are interested. And we also have some articles and workshops on this site that are worth checking out:

Here are a few, let us know if you have questions:

PERSPECTIVES: Children of BPD Parents: Reclaiming Our Lost Selves

Child Development and Parents with Mental Illness

possible effects of BPD parenting:

https://bpdfamily.blogspot.com/2012/02/are-children-of-BPD-parent-likely-to.html

Emotional Incest:

https://bpdfamily.blogspot.com/2010/10/your-parents-have-you-been-victim.html

[keith99]

my ex wife let my son sleep in the bed with her age 8, she also let him do what ever he wanted.  The really sad thing is my son ended up becoming just like her. I only stayed married for his sake but when you have both of them going at you, its takes its toll on your sanity.

I ended up leaving and havent seen him for two years and I am the other side of the world.