help with leaving

[JLK1011]

I have decided to leave once and for all. I am new to this community. I read about detachment while devising a plan. Can someone give me hints on how to effectively detach?

[DB33]

Detaching emotionally before detaching physically is the ideal thing to do. I tried it the other way around and it didn't work so hot. I ended up going back for round 9.

This round I worked at detaching emotionally first. I used to forget all the bad things and looked at our relationship through rose colored glasses. My phone had over 1000 pictures of us having fun, but not one picture of the bad times. So I stopped looking at the pictures and videos. I started a journal and I wrote about my experiences. A lot of negativity flowed onto the pages. I came out of the closet and told some friends and family the real truth about what has been going on. This one helped tremendously. When I heard the words come out of my mouth it started to become more real. I was detaching from the fantasy of the dream. Lastly I focused on her bad behavior, and I watched more closely. Online dating sites, craigslist ads, coffee dates, guy friend attention. Her disrespect, her rages, her lying.  We were struggling, we weren't having sex, we lost all forms of intimacy. It all took its toll. I was slowly detaching.

I am out now. It's only been 3 days but I am not the emotionally mess I was last summer when we broke up.

There is more than one way to detach. You can find information about it here on this site, and through the insights and experiences of others.

[HappyNihilist]

Are you worried about your safety when you leave him?

[JLK1011]

Are you worried about your safety when you leave him?


I'm not worried about my physical safety really. He has a job where he has to have a clean record so a restraining order or arrest would make him lose everything. He might try to destroy my belongings. He has threatened to throw my laptop through the t.v. before and he punched a door and left a hole a few years back. For the most part, he berates me to the point where I lose my temper and start yelling back. That's not typical me- he knows it and does it so he can say I am verbally abusing him. At first I thought I was being neurotic, but after reading posts and articles about the disorder, I've realized that I was the one manipulated, not him as he claims to be.

[JLK1011]

Thank you for responding and telling me your experience. I haven't witnessed any form of cheating from him, but any time I don't want to be intimate with him he calls me controlling and cold and then tells me he feels rejected and he could easily find someone else. Then he accuses me of cheating. I always think he still has something with his ex. He wants access to everything of mine, but he has yet to tell me the password to his computer. Odd?  We've broken up and I guess it's called recycled and every time I have a promise from him that he accepts me for who I am and then a couple months into the relationship I am not longer good enough. He is not on my lease and bills are not in his name. I have no problem with telling him to leave, but I have two small children to think about... . he has zero consideration for anyone when he is in his rages.

[JLK1011]

Detaching emotionally before detaching physically is the ideal thing to do. I tried it the other way around and it didn't work so hot. I ended up going back for round 9.

This round I worked at detaching emotionally first. I used to forget all the bad things and looked at our relationship through rose colored glasses. My phone had over 1000 pictures of us having fun, but not one picture of the bad times. So I stopped looking at the pictures and videos. I started a journal and I wrote about my experiences. A lot of negativity flowed onto the pages. I came out of the closet and told some friends and family the real truth about what has been going on. This one helped tremendously. When I heard the words come out of my mouth it started to become more real. I was detaching from the fantasy of the dream. Lastly I focused on her bad behavior, and I watched more closely. Online dating sites, craigslist ads, coffee dates, guy friend attention. Her disrespect, her rages, her lying.  We were struggling, we weren't having sex, we lost all forms of intimacy. It all took its toll. I was slowly detaching.

Thank you for responding and telling me your experience. I haven't witnessed any form of cheating from him, but any time I don't want to be intimate with him he calls me controlling and cold and then tells me he feels rejected and he could easily find someone else. Then he accuses me of cheating. I always think he still has something with his ex. He wants access to everything of mine, but he has yet to tell me the password to his computer. Odd?  We've broken up and I guess it's called recycled and every time I have a promise from him that he accepts me for who I am and then a couple months into the relationship I am not longer good enough. He is not on my lease and bills are not in his name. I have no problem with telling him to leave, but I have two small children to think about... . he has zero consideration for anyone when he is in his rages.

I am out now. It's only been 3 days but I am not the emotionally mess I was last summer when we broke up.

There is more than one way to detach. You can find information about it here on this site, and through the insights and experiences of others.