Borderline ExGF. Don't know what to do. I've lost myself

[Jimmy_kb]

Hello everyone.

I was together with my borderline girlfriend for 1,5 years. She moved to my hometown in Sweden as 17 years old to work as a bartender in Stockholm. A friend of mine got her number but she was suppose to meet him for drinks and never showed up. I was kind of a player, i had broken up with my 5 year old relationship when i was 22 and i was sort of a player. I had loads of Girls chasing me. This friend asked me to revenge him and ask her out then leave her be.

I then added her on facebook and we started talking. But when we talked i noticed that this girl was actually Amazing. I felt a Deep connection just over the phone. When we first met i fell in love the first time we saw each other and she fell for me. I Think, do they really feel love?

We dated for 1 month and on christmas eve she told me she loved me. Before i even said it and i said it back. I was so happy because this girl wasn't just Amazing in bed. We laughed and she loved my humour. had the same humor. Was this the effect "Mirroring"?

We never had boring together and we Always laughed. I totally found this girl Amazing.

We moved in together after just 2 months. She told me all about her previous Life and i felt sorry for her. I guess I wanted that White Knight story. Where i save her.

We flew to Poland after 3 months and lived there for 2 weeks together in my apartment.

During that period we connected even more. She told me she never saw her self as a girl who could get married but she would say yes if i would ask her.

I thought to my self. Holy , this girl is the one. She told me how good I was and raised me on a pedistal. Really looked up to me.

We then after around 5 months got our first apartment together and she Always told her friends, mother, father how proud she was of me. She told me i was just like her father. Smart, caring, but she had  loads of problems with her mom who was insane.

She told me that her previous boyfriends cheated on her. I told her i would never cheat.

After 6 months of beeing together i Went on a trip with my friend skeeing for 1 week.

We held Contact and talked on the phone each day. But suddenly she told me she was gonna meet her old buddy*. We started arguing which we had never done Before. But it wasn't raging. She then told me she wouldn't meet him.

I came home and Everything was fine untill i looked through her phone. She had send nudes to one random guy telling him she wanted his dick inside of her and .

I broke of with her and she called me straight for 2 Days, chased me and got crazy.

Her reason was " She thought i was cheating on my vacation so she wanted to do it to me Before i could do it to her"

I forgave her 1 week later and we Went back together. But everytime i ever mentioned that incident later she called me rancorous. Saying i can't forgive people and made me feel like jackass for mentioning it. All i wanted to hear was that she loved me and was sorry. But no sympathy from her.

The rage periods had already started. She had punched me to nosebleed once. Screamed and called me horrible stuff which i never took to my self until almost at the end of the relationship when i started Crying and she would show affection then after maybe an hour and come and hug me. She never said sorry though.

I started questioning her behavior and found out she must have borderline. I talked to her about it and she started Crying. She said it all fits her but if she has it she's going to kill her self.

She Went to a psychologist because i said i would leave her if she didn't go. And she Went. She told me it was just for me though. And guess what. She got diagnosed with borderline. But then she stopped going. Missed her sessions and  and more arguing. More cutting her self and destroying her self.

I thought if I didn't take the stuff she said to my self and show her love she could change. but Little did i know.

Fast forward into almost 1,5 years together. We Went over an intense 1 week arguing because i had talked to a girl friend of mine and she wanted me to tell her that she was ugly and had no chance on me. I told her she was crazy and demanding. Then one night i find her talking to Another guy she had ed Before. He was asking her for nudepics. She didn't send any but she asked him why he was so nice towards her and so on. She had made plans to meet this guy after work and i told her she was ing crazy Before. But she kept talking to him even though he told her he was going to  her in the ass vise versa. I then finally snapped. I told my self, no one who loves me can behave this way.

I told her to move out and take her things, i was going to move back to my mum and she could stay in the apartment until she found a new one.

She then started making suicide threats, i came to her with candy and chocolate, told her i still loved her but she hurt me. I found her unconscious as she has swallowed loads of pills. I then rushed her to the hospital, and then to a emergency psychyatrist.

She got meds and we kept talking. She said she wanted me back and pleaded to change. It took me 3 weeks time but then i agreed. But as soon as i Agreed she told me she didn't want to get back together, she told me she had ed a lot of guys and they had so much bigger dicks then me and she really hurt me. She told me she was in love with a new guy. Then on the same time she told me she loved me and missed me.

We've kept Contact going back and forth for 3 months until i saw her making out with this new guy she's meeting at the club. She tells others he's her "sort of" boyfriend. And just 3 hours prior making out with him, she made out with me and told me she loved me.

Im crazy about this girl i really am. She told me she doesn't want to see me anymore and we should stop Contact. Now i feel like a lunatic called her many times, asking for an explanation for how she could treat me like this.

She told me she loved me just 3 Days ago, but doesn't want to get back together.

Why does she say this? To have me as a fall back?

She hasn't officially started dating this guy but they get together all the time. And i know she has registered her self on a website for sexpartners seeking elderly 30-40 year old men to .

Still i love this ing girl and i can't let her go. I feel like Calling her all the time, we haven't spoke now since 24 hours ago. I told her i will Always love her as my last message and she said the same. But she doesn't want Contact with me.

What should i do?

[Jimmy_kb]

She meets this guy who is 1 year younger then her now all the time, But she's lying to him as well. She Always told me she hated younger guys, She's turning 20 now

[Jimmy_kb]

Also Worth mentioning was we decided to try again 2 weeks ago for 1 week to see how things could work out, it was her idea.

After 3 Days she left me and said it's not going to work, Going back to her new guy

[DB33]

Jimmy,

I feel for you. I know first hand the pain and turmoil that you let become part of your life.

It took me 2 years of the last 3 1/2 years of my relationship to bring myself to leave my perfect girl (except for the BPD part)

Elderly 30 and 40 year olds? Bahaha

Ok take it from an elderly man.

Get out. Plain and simple. Do you want to be on this painful roller coaster continuously, long after you are elderly? If she is openly cheating on you now then this is one of the many bad traits you will be living with for many years to come. Except things will continue to get worse.

Myself, it took things getting worse before I was able to start entertaining the idea of life without her.

Everyone here can tell you until they are blue in the face to bail. But where it is going to have to come from is you. Listen to what your head is telling you.

[pessim-optimist]

Hello Jimmy_kb,



I am sorry... . You have gone through some very painful stuff with your girl.

I hope it will make you feel a bit better to hear that some persons w/BPD use sex as an impulsive way to feel better in the moment. In the long run, the promiscuity it tends to make them feel shame.

Whatever you decide in the end, you will need to allow some time for healing the scars that you have already received. And we are here for you to support you through that process, and there are lots of resources on this website to help you in that journey.

Those that I would recommend at the moment would be these two:

How a Borderline Personality Disorder Love Relationship Evolves (it describes in an understandable way what you went through - being put on the pedestal at the beginning to being devalued and attacked later on)

Also, since she broke it off: Surviving a Break-up with Someone Suffering with Borderline Personality Disorder [NEW] (these relationships sometimes go through repeated cycles or making up and breaking up, though)

And you can also check out the links in the right panel ---------->

Let us know what you think ok?

[Jimmy_kb]

I made the decision to quit contact and told her new BF about she seeing me. I wrote a long very mature letter to him, wishing him the very best forward and so on but he should be careful.

He didn't believe me and she just told him im a lunitic. I guess this guy is in love just as i was. And i may have done a bad thing. may have not. I did what i thought was right. I've been hurt and i wish that to no one.

She then just told me she is glad it's finally over, Through a friend of mine.

[Jimmy_kb]

I did this because I just realised. I always knew i didn't want her to be the mother of my children.

She was really scary sometimes and all i wanted to do was to help her.

After the breakup she told me so many hurtful things which really made me cry. i cried straight for almost 5days from the terror.

I came one day with a folder i hade made. I had found the best psychologists in the city, the best litterature, meds and texts for her to help her self.

I told her about groups she could seek help and so one. I told her i did this as an act of love. I want to see her be happy.

Guess what she told me? Im the lunitic, she has found a doctor for my zits in my face so they will go away and a doctor to increase my penis size so i could please other women... .

[Jimmy_kb]

I got an email just now: I'll translate it from swedish to english.

I feel like hit... .

hiting psycho. Have talked with Pontus on the phone for an hour and know exactly what you posted , do you think he wants to talk to an idiot like you on the phone or ? Hahhahaha so hiting pathetic . Leave everyone i know alone , or I will hit up your life. And believe me , I can if I want. You know when you were horny before and I did not want ? It's because you're so damn ugly. Just the thought of sex with you makes me want to puke , Pontus will certainly bully you over your fetish now , believe me , he knows . I get so hiting disgusted by the thought that we ever had sex, how disgusting your body is and how unlovely whole damn you , believe the hell I was faking all orgasms do you think some girl can ever bring you in 10 seconds , or even come at all ? Are you so pathetic for real? If you write to Max again will I destroy you, I do not know how but trust me you will not live a good life. You deserve nothing, you stay at home and think you are physically fit , HAH  you hittard what embarrassing. You know I can do things when I'm angry , you have not seen anything compared to what will happen if you do not kill your self soon, for everyone's comfort .

[pessim-optimist]

That's a pretty ugly e-mail... .

What do you think about it? What about the threats? Are you making sure you can keep yourself safe? What would happen if you reported those to the police where you live - what are the laws there? Do you live close by?

I am so sorry for all the ugliness in the e-mail. The good news: persons w/BPD devalue those who they reject, and then say lots of negative stuff and deny the positives of the relationship that has gone south. So, it's best to not take those proclamations about the past seriously.

[Learning_curve74]

Hi Jimmy_kb, being treated poorly and devalued by this girl you loved isn't pleasant. I'm sorry to read how she is treating you, it's got to feel bad. 

Did you get a chance to read the links that pessim-optimist recommended earlier? The one about how a BPD love relationship evolves will explain a lot. Many people come here like you wondering how somebody who said they loved you can treat you so badly. However people with BPD are mentally ill and often think, feel, and act differently from people who don't have BPD.

If she was somebody you weren't as close to, what would you think of her threats? What would you do to protect yourself?