Divorce or Indefinite Separation

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

My exBPD husband and I have been separated for 4 months. He made my life hell with the cheating, the prosititutes, the porn addiction, the drinking, the walking on egg shells, and all the yelling.  I was no pushover so we would go head to head alot.   It was me who made the decision for us to separate, but he agreed.  He couldn't wait to get out there and sleep with every whore that moved without having to face any consequences.  The split was amicable. No children together, no child support, no alimony.  Once all the business issues were taken care of, we basically have had no contact with each other and I'm happy with that. I still get sad and miss the good stuff sometimes, and my ego's a little bruised, but I never want him back!  Neither one of us are pushing for a divorce anytime soon because what's the point if neither of us have any intention on getting remarried.   The only thing that keeps us connected at this point is that my son and I are on his health insurance, and as long as we're considered "married", we're covered.  I can get health insurance through my job but his is so much cheaper (free for me) and better.  I figure that's the least that he owes me for all the crap he put us through, and I have no problem receiving the benefit if he's willing to give it.

My question is this: should I initiate a divorce, bite the bullet, and pay for my own health insurance just to be totally disconnected from him in case he decides to hold it over my head at some point, or should I ride this ride and take advantage of the free insurance for as long as I can?   Thoughts?

[Never Again]

My exBPD husband and I have been separated for 4 months. He made my life hell with the cheating, the prosititutes, the porn addiction, the drinking, the walking on egg shells, and all the yelling.  I was no pushover so we would go head to head alot.   It was me who made the decision for us to separate, but he agreed.  He couldn't wait to get out there and sleep with every whore that moved without having to face any consequences.  The split was amicable. No children together, no child support, no alimony.  Once all the business issues were taken care of, we basically have had no contact with each other and I'm happy with that. I still get sad and miss the good stuff sometimes, and my ego's a little bruised, but I never want him back!  Neither one of us are pushing for a divorce anytime soon because what's the point if neither of us have any intention on getting remarried.   The only thing that keeps us connected at this point is that my son and I are on his health insurance, and as long as we're considered "married", we're covered.  I can get health insurance through my job but his is so much cheaper (free for me) and better.  I figure that's the least that he owes me for all the crap he put us through, and I have no problem receiving the benefit if he's willing to give it.

My question is this: should I initiate a divorce, bite the bullet, and pay for my own health insurance just to be totally disconnected from him in case he decides to hold it over my head at some point, or should I ride this ride and take advantage of the free insurance for as long as I can?   Thoughts?

[ForeverDad]

Is there a legal downside if you remain married longer?  Have you had legal consultations - family law as well as tax issues - to confirm the ramifications of a longer marriage versus a shorter marriage?  What if he lies on his taxes and the tax man wants his money from you too, would you be able to get "injured spouse" relief?  What if he squanders all his assets while indulging in his vices and then later in the divorce he wants half of what's left, that is, half of your assets?  What if... . {whatever}?  Be sure to know where you stand legally as well as whether it is work the risk and hassle...

Up to you of course but I see repeated infidelity as a deal breaker and his cheaper medical insurance may not be worth the risk of future surprises.  Tie your horse to another wagon, so to speak.

[Never Again]

Is there a legal downside if you remain married longer?  Have you had legal consultations - family law as well as tax issues - to confirm the ramifications of a longer marriage versus a shorter marriage?  What if he lies on his taxes and the tax man wants his money from you too, would you be able to get "injured spouse" relief?  What if he squanders all his assets while indulging in his vices and then later in the divorce he wants half of what's left, that is, half of your assets?  What if... . {whatever}?  Be sure to know where you stand legally as well as whether it is work the risk and hassle...

Up to you of course but I see repeated infidelity as a deal breaker and his cheaper medical insurance may not be worth the risk of future surprises.  Tie your horse to another wagon, so to speak.

Those are very good points you have raised, thank you.  I never really thought about all of those possible ramifications. I guess I should at least get a temporary separation agreement drawn up and signed.  In VA, you can get a temporary separation agreement until the divorce, then a new one is drawn up at the time of the divorce.  We can't actually file for divorce until after 6 months of separation.   Thanks again

[livednlearned]

Ditto to what FD said. Marriage is a serious legal contract. If he were to cause a car accident, injure someone and had no car insurance, legally they could go after you. He could rack up credit card and default, then collections could come after you.

Unfortunately, even when there is nothing at stake, pwBPD have amazing powers of obstruction. Hopefully you can both get through the divorce process without it costing too much money. 

[momtara]

They have something in certain states called 'divorce from bed and board' where you're divorced in every way EXCEPT health insurance.  Maybe your state has something similar.

I would have stayed separated from my ex for years, except for the constant lies.  I realized that being tied to him financially and legally could cause me a lot of trouble.  I wasn't emotionally ready for a divorce but in the end I had to do it.

Health insurance is a lot to give up, so ask your lawyers and think about it.